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Christmas

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Original poster

Anyone else’s parents or ILs do this with Christmas presents? Mega stressful!

140 replies

NightandViolets · 14/12/2022 11:31

Every Christmas I send my parents a few links of suggestions for presents to buy DD and DS - no obligation, tips on where to buy things and keeping to a budget. This works fine. DH’s parents, on the other hand,
have always asked us to buy everything for THEM to give to the kids as they feel that’s much easier and they aren’t confident online. They do pay us back but it is incredibly stressful keeping tabs on all the deliveries, budget, delivery charges etc on top of buying our own presents for the children. We have a new baby this year and DH has been really stressed getting the presents (I’ve bought some of them too) on top of being really busy at work and this is not helped by ILs constantly asking when they’ll be ready so that they can wrap them. Thinking of asking if we can knock this on the head next year but wondered if it is common these days? For context, ILs are 70s but in good health and capable of getting to shops etc.

OP posts:
SimonaSimms · 14/12/2022 12:39

I do this for my grandparents when they buy for my son. They're in their late 80s though so don't mind at all. If they weren't elderly and were able to actually wrap things themselves without it causing stress or anxiety it'd be a little annoying.

Eixample · 14/12/2022 12:42

My parents do this and never pay me back. If I didn’t do it they would send nothing, or something in 4–5 months time.
I do it for my children, so they don’t realise yet that their grandparents are worse than other people‘s. I‘m not doing it for my parents.

LiesDoNotBecomeUs · 14/12/2022 12:43

Do an online order with their address on it.

They get the presents to wrap... and you know exactly what the order cost.
I bet they are more in favour of gift vouchers/memberships next year :)

ManxRhyme · 14/12/2022 12:49

If you don't mind coming up with the list then I suggest get everything from one shop like smyths and the whole lot delivered in one go straight to your in laws. Screenshot the receipt for them.

Sugarfree23 · 14/12/2022 12:50

I do it for my kids from my mum. To be fair I don't mind the hard bit is picking gifts anyway and if I wrap.they are then here.

GerbilsForever24 · 14/12/2022 12:56

WaddleAway · 14/12/2022 11:52

At least your in laws wrap them… mine give me cash, tell me to choose something for the kids and order it, then expect me to wrap it too! They just hand it over and take all the credit 😂

Yes. This.

DC want money these days. it's great.

Suedomin · 14/12/2022 12:56

If you continue to do this can't you just get them delivered to your MiLs house rather than yours.

starfishmummy · 14/12/2022 12:57

I almost wish they had! Mil is a fan of quantiy not quality. He'd get cheap imitations of things he had set his heart on and MIL had told us she would get. Example would be things for his Brio railway - we weren't precious, plenty if places do cheaper, comparible items. But she'd just buy a small toy train which wouldn't fit!

Asditionally she is useless with online shopping so her (now deceased) elderly brother in law, who considered himself an expert, would help Which is why DS never quite got the games he wanted( because elderly bil decided a cheap generic game was the same thing as say, Mariokart) and he was given foreign language versions of dvds he wanted!!! And mil always opened them to check breaking the security seals so they couldn't be sent back.

declutteringmymind · 14/12/2022 12:57

Maybe compromise by buying online but sending to their house?

CoolShoeshine · 14/12/2022 13:04

I do this for my DM but now o ly for my DCs - for all the presents she buys! She pays me back at the end when I’ve bought everything. For some reason she finds presents cluttering her own house stressful!

Beginningless · 14/12/2022 13:04

I’m with you OP. This year I had 5 different relatives to find gift suggestions for. Two I had to do the buying and the rest order it to my house for me to wrap. Like what’s the point. I know people just want kids to get something they like but it’s a burden that I don’t want. It’s mostly DH fam so we’ve had a discussion and agreed we nip it in the bud going forward. They can give money if they don’t know what to give. Like you some of them give overly generous amounts (probably to make up for handing it all over!) and it’s actually harder to work out how to use it well than something for £20/30. I know this sounds ungrateful and probably is but I totally agree with you, it’s stressful!

tara66 · 14/12/2022 13:17

They must learn to use Amazon and either have them delivered to you or to themselves. You can get Xmas present glittery (or paper) bags of different sizes with ribbon ties which just take seconds to 'wrap' any items and they come with name tags too - so easy!

FurryGiraffe · 14/12/2022 13:23

My family and DH's both do this: we buy and wrap on their behalf for the DC. It's sodding stressful feeling you have to organise the whole thing. And I feel a bit sad that nobody in my DC's family can be arsed to put the effort into buying them a present (and they can never be bothered at any time of year- nobody ever buys them a treat apart from us). GPs all retired/affluent/healthy/internet savvy.

We do Secret Santa with the adults in DH's family and MIL got DH this year: she asked him to buy and wrap something for her to give to him. WTF? It's one sodding present!

sevenbyseven · 14/12/2022 13:25

NightandViolets · 14/12/2022 12:11

They budget £80 per child. So I’m not complaining at all about how generous that is, but it’s a lot of presents for us to buy and keep tabs on! None of the kids really want big presents so it’s usually a lot of small things.

£80 per child is a lot for young children - I understand your problem now!

Could you suggest one present to unwrap per child, then the rest on an experience - eg zoo membership?

They're being generous financially but also making a lot more work for you unnecessarily.

SleepingStandingUp · 14/12/2022 13:28

Can you redistribute the money? So get them a new sized up coat say and then some other presents, then use them owny you'd have spent on the costs for an experience if they're adamant it has to be stuff?

Or just sit on Smyths for example, do one order for it all and then just get it all sent to them directly

ellyo · 14/12/2022 13:29

In previous years my ILs have asked for suggestions and asked us to buy and wrap the gifts on their behalf. Was fine doing it in previous years, but this year have decided to take a much more relaxed approach to gift buying for my own kids, so didn't want to be responsible for managing someone else's too. I told them the kids would be very grateful for anything that they chose, or if they would prefer they could send a gift card and the kids could choose something themselves. Gift cards arrived and it wasn't an issue!

Pictograph · 14/12/2022 13:33

You need to knock this on the head next year OP - as if you're not busy enough already at this time of year!

If they're not confident online try to choose things they can buy in a department store.

thejadefish · 14/12/2022 13:34

Both my parents and in laws do this (both sides are in their 70s) as well as my brother and SIL, they say buy whatever DC want and we'll transfer the money to you. I have to wrap them all as well, and usually stick a post it note on say whats from who so that when I take the presents to theirs for DC to unwrap they can put the gift tag on. Its a pain!

HappyKoala56 · 14/12/2022 13:35

I do this for my parents. I just get them delivered straight to their house and send them a bill. Normally order it all in one sitting so it's not done in bits and pieces. Or ask them to give you the money upfront and whatever you don't spend put in a card for the kids?

sevenbyseven · 14/12/2022 13:37

Just a thought: could your DH take this over in future? They're his parents after all! I suspect the tradition would die a death pretty quickly.

CuteCillian · 14/12/2022 13:39

They budget £80 per child.
If you would prefer experiences, as you say you would, then buy something to unwrap that represents the activity.
So I bought (and blew up!) an inflatable croc and put the money towards surf school.

BarbaraofSeville · 14/12/2022 13:44

NightandViolets · 14/12/2022 12:16

We have suggested before that they get something useful or fun for the children that we struggle to afford, eg swimming lessons, money towards a day out or even just some presents and some money. But they usually say they don’t want to do that and that they want them to have stuff to open on the day.

But surely your DC will have plenty 'to open'? And where has this obsession with 'having something to open' even if it's utter shite' come from? It's like the act of unwrapping something is more important that whether the actual gift is suitable for the recipient. Just why?

£80 x 2 would buy something lovely and really useful like annual passes for a zoo/safari park/National Trust etc, which could be used all year round for days out so I really don't understand the objection to buying this over physical items that they can't be arsed to sort out themselves? You'd think that they'd see that as a perfect solution? They could even tape the passes to a box of biscuits or something to satisfy their need to DC unwrapping presents.

twocatsandtwokids · 14/12/2022 13:46

I do this for my mum - give her ideas about what to buy (whether she asks or not 😂) - and then usually order them for her on Amazon or John Lewis or wherever as she is a complete technophobe and also irrationally worried about online shopping!
I normally just put her address in for deliveries and she transfers the money to my account (one thing she can do!!!). It’s very easy for both of us to be honest and doesn’t bother me. Might be more annoying if it was the ILs though!

Saz12 · 14/12/2022 13:47

Can’t you just get everything sent to their house (including a note of the cost?).
Or, get them one gift each and put the rest of the £ into a savings account for each child.
Or put the money together to use for a day trip or experience, or season passes somewhere.

My in-laws want lists from everyone and it’s a pita as I never know how prescriptive to be - eg with a link to the actual item, or more generic. It’s also not very festive somehow, when they’re buying (and receiving) everything that way.

PermanentTemporary · 14/12/2022 13:50

In theory I would use this to buy something like school shoes but I think I would be too soft in the end.

I find it really stressful to think of all that money going to loads of stuff the children won't really remember or care about with added stress for you, when they could send a £20 book token and put £60 in their savings. I don't even care if it makes me sound like a dour MN cliche.