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Christmas

From present ideas to party food, find all your Christmas inspiration here.

Original poster

Anyone else’s parents or ILs do this with Christmas presents? Mega stressful!

140 replies

NightandViolets · 14/12/2022 11:31

Every Christmas I send my parents a few links of suggestions for presents to buy DD and DS - no obligation, tips on where to buy things and keeping to a budget. This works fine. DH’s parents, on the other hand,
have always asked us to buy everything for THEM to give to the kids as they feel that’s much easier and they aren’t confident online. They do pay us back but it is incredibly stressful keeping tabs on all the deliveries, budget, delivery charges etc on top of buying our own presents for the children. We have a new baby this year and DH has been really stressed getting the presents (I’ve bought some of them too) on top of being really busy at work and this is not helped by ILs constantly asking when they’ll be ready so that they can wrap them. Thinking of asking if we can knock this on the head next year but wondered if it is common these days? For context, ILs are 70s but in good health and capable of getting to shops etc.

OP posts:
AriettyHomily · 14/12/2022 13:51

I can't stand this and put a stop to it. If they know the kids they have an idea of what they would like. I have enough to figure out without sending lists to four sets of grandparents (divorced and remarried). Otherwise money vouchers or tickets to something.

treadcarefully · 14/12/2022 14:15

Wouldn't you rather the children have what they want and you want them to have?
My step parent always thought she knew what my kids wanted and they were always inappropriate and a waste of money. Far better that it's wanted or needed.
They should be paying and wrapping the presents though

BettyOBarley · 14/12/2022 14:24

Have to say I'd much prefer it if my parents did this, rather than what they do - which is not take any ideas, suggestions and end up buying the kids a load of stuff which is either not age appropriate, doesn't fit etc. It's such a waste of money. At least you know the kids will get what they want but agree if you're struggling, suggest experiences / annual passes etc.

Littlebummybums · 14/12/2022 14:29

Why don’t you get Amazon to deliver it all to their house?

Doveyouknow · 14/12/2022 14:31

My dad does this. I go along with it as it is actually easier than dealing with him trying to find a present or even worse order it online and then get it to us, as I have found out to my cost in previous years.

kavalkada · 14/12/2022 14:34

My brother and parents to this, but I like it and I wouldn't want it any other way. I buy things my kids like and wrap them so they look nice under the christmas tree.

My MIL who is very sweet and lovely does not do it and kids end with lot of things they hate.

In your case I would tell them how I feel and stop that. If they do not buy it, wrap it and delivery it, then there'll be nothing on Christmas.

Callingallskeletons · 14/12/2022 14:40

Buy from Amazon/smyths/Argos etc and have delivered directly to them OP
tell them predicted delivery info etc and if they miss it tough - take the refund, send it back to them and tell them they’ll have to collect instead from X,Y,Z

whattodo1975 · 14/12/2022 14:48

We do this for OH's side of the family. We literally think of what to buy, buy it, hand it over and they give present to kids. Drives me up the wall.

To be honest its more the thinking of a present that gets to me. The good ideas for presents i have, i want to buy and give to kids myself.

ChristmasCwtch · 14/12/2022 14:54

I love choosing, buying and wrapping the presents that my DDad pays for 😂

Then we get exactly what my DC will love. It annoys me that presents from PIL are a massive waste of time and money. They refuse to be guided or get any suggestions 🤦🏼‍♀️

Tornmum234 · 14/12/2022 14:56

I know this too well.... our kids don't get birthday cards or gifts or even phonecalls... at Xmas dh is told "ahh we wouldn't b able to b out n about"..yet they are out n about to suit themselves. We not only have bought gifts but wrapped and given them to our kids without any reimbursement at all. So frustrating

Blossomtoes · 14/12/2022 15:04

Littlebummybums · 14/12/2022 14:29

Why don’t you get Amazon to deliver it all to their house?

Read my mind. Or John Lewis. Or any online retailer.

Ihavethisthingwithcolour · 14/12/2022 15:05

My mil sort of does this. She asks then buys online and it gets delivered to our house. But we don’t wrap it… she’s never asked us to either.

last year though she didn’t send our children anything… her excuse is she has 8 grandchildren in total and it’s all too much for her. I can kind of understand that but Christmas isn’t a surprise? I’m not sure if it was only our kids that got left out.

She’s wealthy with savings / investments etc but doesn’t like the ‘commercialisation’ of Christmas she’s a tight Scrooge but loves presents sent to her. 😒
anyone have this variety of mil?!

Mommabear20 · 14/12/2022 15:35

Could they tell you their budget and give you that money upfront, and then you get the gifts delivered directly to them? It's annoying but at least you know that DC are getting things they'll actually like/use.

Caterina99 · 14/12/2022 15:43

My in-laws are super lovely, but from about September we get asked constantly what the kids would like. Usually I send an Amazon link and mil orders it to my house so it’s with us. Which actually worked out well since we all had covid last year and their visit got cancelled!

I don’t really mind it, and it’s good they’re getting something they want, but yes it’s just another thing to think of, organise and wrap.

Adding in my parents, and various other relatives tips me over the edge though

blueflagflyhigh · 14/12/2022 15:45

My parents do this with anything online. They've just turned 60. They are getting better about going online but not confident so it's just easier for me to buy it and either get it delivered to them and they transfer the money. It really isn't a hassle for me. I'd much rather they get stuff the kids will enjoy than end up buying them stuff that won't get used or pay over the odds for when it's cheaper online. They still buy a lot of stuff themselves that they get in the shops, clothes, pjs, slippers, crafts, jewellery and little bits. It's mainly for toys that I'd get on Amazon or from smyths.

If you are finding it too much then tell them it's the last year ur doing it. They can either buy from some ideas u are giving or give the kids money instead.

Skatingqueen · 14/12/2022 16:02

Everyone does this to us. Both sides of the family. They ask what we want, we tell them, then they tell us to buy it and they'll give us the money.

As a result this year we've not only had to shop for presents for our own dc, but also for 13 family members, then on top of that choose and buy our own gifts, deliver them to our relatives to wrap 🤷‍♀️

Sadly the alternative seems to be to ask for something and get given something completely different.

LivelyBlake · 14/12/2022 16:19

I do that but get everything from Amazon and sort it out in one minute. I arrange a single delivery for all the presents and just let them know the date.

mrsfeatherbottom · 14/12/2022 16:24

I now offer to do this for the ILs, after the Christmas Day with them a few years ago where they had nothing at all for them. I also have to give all other members of the family ideas for the kids - it's exhausting.

speakout · 14/12/2022 18:03

My mother is like this- I refuse to do it.
She would love it if I chose, bought and wrapped.
The run up to christmas is my busiest time at work, and I have all my own christmas shopping to do.
She says it is too much for her, but spends most days meeting friends for lunch or coffee, taking shopping trips to big stores- she is able and has tons of time- which I don't.
Children are usually very easy to buy for,
I don't encourage laziness like this.

SquirrelsHide · 14/12/2022 18:30

I fell for this for years - it's just laziness and thoughtlessness but still wanting to take the credit and the thank-yous on the day. Stick firm to suggestions like zoo membership etc and when they ask for 'presents to open' just say I'll have to leave that to you this year as got a lot on with new baby and doing all our own xmas shopping.

Keepingitmoving · 14/12/2022 19:13

My in laws did the same for years - however I was also left to wrap them! No more. I now say money in a card is the best gift - lets the children choose themselves.

ICanHideButICantRun · 14/12/2022 19:29

Rather than paying for anything yourself and trying to get it back, ask for a photo of their bank card and use that.

CHRIST0PHERR0BIN · 14/12/2022 20:00

I do this for my PIL and my Parents. Total spend of around £140 per child (when all added). I just buy off their list and make a list of prices as I go. Like Rainbow PlayDoh set £7.99 etc. Then it all gets ticked off when people pay me and I hand the gifts over. I also do my DPs shopping for all my siblings, nieces and nephews. Siblings send DM screen shots or names of what they would like and I order them. No idea if siblings know its me doing it, we dont discuss it. Usually means I can get free postage as well as Im making larger orders. And save DP/PIL a bit of money as often I can find them cheaper. Also I get any cashback, loyalty points or bonus's involved with the orders. I dont mind doing it.

HollyDollyChristmas · 14/12/2022 20:34

For the last probably 15 years of my PIL life I bought their gifts to me, DH & 2DC. It was far less stressful as I knew everyone was getting something they wanted rather than the corner shop tat they used to get us all. They both weren’t in the best of health, didn’t even own mobile phones let alone do anything online. I would give them everything to wrap they would give me the cash and without exception the gifts would be labelled up incorrectly which we always found hysterical. It never was a chore and now they’re no longer with us we do miss the gift roulette.

WaddleAway · 14/12/2022 20:35

HollyDollyChristmas · 14/12/2022 20:34

For the last probably 15 years of my PIL life I bought their gifts to me, DH & 2DC. It was far less stressful as I knew everyone was getting something they wanted rather than the corner shop tat they used to get us all. They both weren’t in the best of health, didn’t even own mobile phones let alone do anything online. I would give them everything to wrap they would give me the cash and without exception the gifts would be labelled up incorrectly which we always found hysterical. It never was a chore and now they’re no longer with us we do miss the gift roulette.

Whereas my in laws are in great health, do most of their own shopping online, just don’t fancy going to the effort of buying presents for their grandkids and would rather I did it (and wrapped them)!