Anyone else’s parents or ILs do this with Christmas presents? Mega stressful!

[NightandViolets]

Every Christmas I send my parents a few links of suggestions for presents to buy DD and DS - no obligation, tips on where to buy things and keeping to a budget. This works fine. DH’s parents, on the other hand,
have always asked us to buy everything for THEM to give to the kids as they feel that’s much easier and they aren’t confident online. They do pay us back but it is incredibly stressful keeping tabs on all the deliveries, budget, delivery charges etc on top of buying our own presents for the children. We have a new baby this year and DH has been really stressed getting the presents (I’ve bought some of them too) on top of being really busy at work and this is not helped by ILs constantly asking when they’ll be ready so that they can wrap them. Thinking of asking if we can knock this on the head next year but wondered if it is common these days? For context, ILs are 70s but in good health and capable of getting to shops etc.

Oh god - we had this for a while from both sets of parents - we not only had to choose items, but wrap them as well.

My friend had done all her Christmas shopping for her two dc, and her mum and aunt turned up at the house and went through the things she’d bought, and chose which ones they wanted to give the dc, gave my friend a cheque, and took the things they’d taken - so she had to think of more things for the children and go and buy them! She was not best pleased.

On the plus side at least they are asking and so your DC will get something appropriate / wanted / needed, even if its a faff. My MIL gave my daughter the same pair of gloves three consecutive years running ( so we had three pairs to give away, not physically the same pair!) and they weren't liked or suitable for a child at all. Other gifts always along similar lines, socks, gloves, hats. Never asked what gifts might actually be liked or needed. So basically no thought at all. But always a good lesson in looking appreciative!

If ever there was a time for your DH to look them in the eye and say,
"It's the thought that counts!"
and tell them to buy their own fucking presents from now on, now is it.
He can add that he'll be happy to sort "their" presents once GPs are disabled or suffering from dementia, but, happily, this won't be any time soon ....

This. My in-laws did it when mine were little. It never occurred to me to be stressed over ordering a few presents 🙄.

Maybe if women people weren’t so obsessed with having the perfect Instagram-worthy Christmas, they wouldn’t be so bloody “frazzled” in the first place.

Oh my goodness I actually thought I was the only mug that did this. Except I do it for the entire family BOTH SIDES.
I've been doing this for 18 years for all my kids birthday and Christmas. If I didn’t - they’d just get money slapped in a card. I do it for my kids so they have thoughtful gifts to open that they will love but my god has it been a drag on my mental health and responsibility for all these years.
Inlaws, my parents great grandparents and 3 sets of aunts and uncles all chosen bought and wrapped by me! My teenager was surprised the other day when I mentioned it was me that chose all of those gifts over the years. If it had been down to any of them they’d have had hardly a single gift. The family can barely get a card here on time and it breaks my heart. Rant over.

My late Mum used to hand over outrageously large amounts of money for my younger brother's then small children. She expected my brother and SiL to buy something "big" for each one of them and so they ended up getting the girls things they didn't really want (e.g. TVs for their bedrooms - the girls, who are both now young adults, have never watched much TV and if they do, they like to watch things as a family). I kept saying to her "Why not get them a book each (they were/are voratious readers) and tell Brother to put ithe rest in their university accounts?" But she was convinced this would offend my DB and DSIL (I once asked - they liked the idea but equallty feared suggesting it and offending Mum...). And so it went on.

I really wonder with these people what they think the point of gift giving is, because they have completely failed to put any effort or thought into is and from the sounds of it the money is neither here nor there.
I'd be tempted to teach them a lesson-

Hi MIL, not sure what to get FIL for Christmas, can you choose, order and wrap something and I'll pay you for it? cheers! (and hang up before she can argue)

then also

Hi FIL, not sure what to get MIL for Christmas, can you choose, order and wrap something and I'll pay you for it? cheers! (and hang up before he can argue)

This ^

They're being generous financially but that's not the spirit of gift giving. Choosing one small present thoughtfully and wrapping and giving it themselves would surely give more pleasure all round?

My dm announces her budget in early November and then delegates the thinking, buying and wrapping to me. I don’t mind so much for the dc, but that’s also for me and dh. He’s impossible to buy for. Apparently this is no trouble because Andsoforth likes Christmas and enjoys getting everyone presents.

But my mil waits until the week before Christmas, to ask for ideas for some specific category, eg books or shoes that she needs suggestions or size information, which invariably confuses her so much that she decides it would be easier for me to pick it up for her. Then she wants it delivered to her house because she’s using special wrapping paper. I’d offload this onto dh any other time of the year but December is legitimately insanely busy for him. She’s also doing me a favour here because Andsoforth can be a bit peculiar when she’s not consulted about the dc which is a reference to the year her gift was outfits for the dc to wear to mass on Christmas morning.

We just bought what the kids wanted, wrapped it all, MIL gave us the money she wanted to spend, we put it in the kids account, she gave them some of the stuff we'd bought.

Life is too short. Kids got presents, kids got money, everyone was happy.

This is exactly it for me. They are putting no effort in whatsoever, just transferring some cash. No thought, no effort.

My MIL does this to me, she’s bought my DD a Christmas present and is sending it to me, even though we are going to hers for Christmas Day, and I’ve already had to order my DDs birthday present from her for tomorrow (which isn’t as bad) but I think it’s a bit lazy !

What a load off shite!

cut it out. No more gifts thank you, the kids have enough.

Yes we had this with both sets of GP’s at one stage and DS has a birthday a few days before Christmas. It was so stressful.

Sometimes they changed their mind about what they were buying as well or wouldn’t commit and had last minute multiple conversations!?! I stupidly shared kids full lists one year hoping they would say we will X for DS and Y for DD then we could share it with other GP’s then as well as not being able to share the small list further we struggled to buy them something ourselves. But it was either share a list or get a lot of tat that was no use whatsoever that we were unable to return.