Help - suddenly hosting 12 for Christmas

[Flowermarket]

Hi all

Looking for a bit of advice/support. We were due to travel to my family for Christmas this year but due to a tragic death in the family (my sister in law, young and unexpected) we decided to spend it with my in-laws as they understandably all wanted to be together. In previous years we've either hosted Christmas lunch at ours with only grandparents staying, or we've travelled to them (4 families/houses in the same town). When DH was there at the weekend they have now decided that as none of the 4 houses are big enough to all eat together, everyone will travel to us on Christmas Eve and back on Boxing Day. It'll be 13 + dog.

We have a 3.5 bed house (box room) with 1 bathroom/toilet and space for everyone to sit around one table downstairs if we extend it. Sleeping arrangements will be tight - lots of airbeds as 2 of our rooms only have cots/toddler beds in.

I'm looking for some practical suggestions as to how to make this run as smoothly as possible. I will be 33 weeks pregnant at Xmas with a 4 and 2 yo. I'm stressing that when the kids inevitably wake up in the middle of the night, the whole house will be awake as sound travels and people will be sleeping all over so nowhere to quietly take them to. Then we're all in for an 18+ hour days with heightened emotions all round and tiredness on top.

I feel like setting expectations would make me feel better (e.g. bathroom time/showers will have to be limited to get everyone through, breakfast done by a certain time so dinner prep can start, nominating who will be cooking/clearing up) but as some of them are teenagers/older adults without young kids am I going to come across as a real killjoy? Is it too much like a school camp if we ask them to bring their own towels/bedding/plates?! We don't have enough here.

Any help gladly received...!

Do you have any cheap hotels nearby?

Last year some of our relatives stayed in a Travel Lodge. It wasn't swanky but cost less than £100 for two nights and helped to manage the worst of the claustrophobia.

I would think again. I don't think anyone would enjoy a set up like that, sorry.

Have you got a nearby Premier Inn for people to stay at? That might take a lot of the stress away, they could have a big breakfast there and come to you for lunch and dinner. Pound shops have a good selection of plastic or disposable plates which might be useful.

I get you, I would be a bit too but I think you need to lower expectations - it's absolutely unquestionably fine to ask people to bring towels and bedding, plates etc. To contribute to food.

I would be saying right off if things need to be done by set times. Are there sensible adults coming who can help with the clearing up or are they the sort to sit back and be waited on?

And yeah if there's an AirBNB or something nearby that might be worth suggesting!

I would think again. I don't think anyone would enjoy a set up like that, sorry.

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No, that's not workable and it's completely unfair on you. Back to the drawing board.

God no. You're talking about a lot of recently bereaved people with heightened emotions at an emotional time of year, all crammed into a small house with nowhere to escape to when they want to cry or have a nap or just be alone. Get searching local cheap hotels for them to stay and have their own spaces to retreat to.

Go to their town. Never mind cheap hotels etc simply because your dining table is bigger. I'd rather eat sitting on the floor tbh

It 100% would not be my choice but, given the circumstances (which are extremely fresh) I feel like a bit of a dick saying no. There is a Travelodge about 2 miles away which is a good shout - not sure about taxi availability (never had to travel in the evening) but I know they want to spend the evening together with drinks remembering her so it'd be taxis (ideally) or me staying up to ferry them.

Is it too much like a school camp if we ask them to bring their own towels/bedding/plates?! We don't have enough here.
YANBU to ask them to bring their own towels and sleeping bags/duvets/pillows, but I think I’d draw the line at plates, bowls etc… Just get some nice paper/card plates and cups and maybe buy a set of crockery. It needn’t cost too much (and the plates can go in the bin to save on washing up!!!)
If anyone asks if they can bring anything, definitely take them up on it! Possible things to suggest they bring if they offer: crackers, drinks, a table arrangement, cheese and biscuits…. Tbh, if nobody offers, I don’t think it’s out of order to actually ask!

Fair enough to muck in and have that no of people but they need to stay in a hotel. No way would I be having people sleeping in a house your size, you'll all have bad quality sleep. Yuck!

Don’t worry about pleasing everybody with the Christmas dinner. You can’t do three different types of potatoes, three different meats, Yorkshires, umpteen different veggies etc… Keep it simple - turkey, pigs in blankets, roast potatoes, stuffing, bread sauce, carrots, sprouts and gravy. End of. Aunt Bessie is your friend on this occasion.

Check that Travel Lodge availability now. It is too many people. Phrase it that you are thinking of everyone's comfort because this has stress written all over it. And you wouldn't be a dick suggesting it.

I'd ask people to bring their own towels and bedding. Can you ask one person to bring their dinner service, so plates/bowls etc. and their cutlery? Easier than everyone turning up with a plate/bowl/knife/fork/spoon which would be like camping!

Definitely write a plan of how many people for which meals and then tell people what you want them to do regarding meal prep/cooking/clearing away. Better to organise everyone than try to do it all yourself and end up a stressed mess.

At 33 weeks pregnant? My Dh would be sleeping on the floor in one room with the two dc for the next week and jumping up to cook everyone a festive breakfast, if it will be fine for people to do with a whole houseful it should feel like a holiday doing it just for you! Seriously, do a diagram of where everyone will sleep and on what and ask do you really think anyone wants this? You aren’t going to give up your bed at 7 months pregnant so are his parents going on the floor? They won’t fit in the cot…

there Might be an air B and B local too?

m can’t you all look into hiring somewhere large together? So you’re all away from home but somewhere with more space?

I think it’s a bit much to ask people to bring their own plates.
maybe their own duvet/pillow.

To be very frank, I think this is bananas. We have a 3 bed house with only one bathroom/loo and I'm already slightly regretting offering to cater for 8 adults and 2 children on Christmas Day, and they're not staying over, AND I'm not pregnant!!

"At 33 weeks pregnant? My Dh would be sleeping on the floor in one room with the two dc for the next week and jumping up to cook everyone a festive breakfast"

Why would he need to sleep on the floor? The OP will still be in her own bed. It'll be easier to have the kids back in with them no doubt and free up other rooms

Sorry, I read 1 toilet for 13 people and thought, that's not good (before any mention of sprouts and alcohol...) Travelodge, Airbnb etc...

The one bathroom thing is a problem. 13 people all needing to shower in the morning, it won't be any fun at all

All of that and you'll also be 33 weeks pregnant with two little ones in the mix as well?
Absolutely not and they shouldn't be expecting you to agree to it either.

can’t you all look into hiring somewhere large together? So you’re all away from home but somewhere with more space?
I think this is the best and probably most enjoyable option for everyone.

I agree holiday let/AirBnB or at a push the Travelodge. But I do think it would be good to have a let somewhere away from home for everyone, so it wouldn't be you hosting but everyone pitching in.

But if it doesn't work, absolutely get them to bring bedding/pillows/chairs/crockery!