Help - suddenly hosting 12 for Christmas

[Flowermarket]

Hi all

Looking for a bit of advice/support. We were due to travel to my family for Christmas this year but due to a tragic death in the family (my sister in law, young and unexpected) we decided to spend it with my in-laws as they understandably all wanted to be together. In previous years we've either hosted Christmas lunch at ours with only grandparents staying, or we've travelled to them (4 families/houses in the same town). When DH was there at the weekend they have now decided that as none of the 4 houses are big enough to all eat together, everyone will travel to us on Christmas Eve and back on Boxing Day. It'll be 13 + dog.

We have a 3.5 bed house (box room) with 1 bathroom/toilet and space for everyone to sit around one table downstairs if we extend it. Sleeping arrangements will be tight - lots of airbeds as 2 of our rooms only have cots/toddler beds in.

I'm looking for some practical suggestions as to how to make this run as smoothly as possible. I will be 33 weeks pregnant at Xmas with a 4 and 2 yo. I'm stressing that when the kids inevitably wake up in the middle of the night, the whole house will be awake as sound travels and people will be sleeping all over so nowhere to quietly take them to. Then we're all in for an 18+ hour days with heightened emotions all round and tiredness on top.

I feel like setting expectations would make me feel better (e.g. bathroom time/showers will have to be limited to get everyone through, breakfast done by a certain time so dinner prep can start, nominating who will be cooking/clearing up) but as some of them are teenagers/older adults without young kids am I going to come across as a real killjoy? Is it too much like a school camp if we ask them to bring their own towels/bedding/plates?! We don't have enough here.

Any help gladly received...!

My auntie had us all for Christmas n s pretty similar sounding house with two young kids and she was actually overdue with baby number 3 at the time! Seriously, we all loved every single minute and somehow managed just fine

I'd LOVE to hear your aunt's view on that Christmas.

One toilet?

Premiere Inn.

I really do think that renting a big house is the best thing. Yes it's a lot of money but between all of you, it might be manageable and probably cheaper than booking people into hotels which you'd need to do. They can't all stay with you, it's madness.

I feel in your family's situation this year, taking the stress and pressure off however you all can is what's needed and cramming everyone into your house is not how to do that. Apart from anything, people might need space to get away from everyone, especially your BIL.

I think this could go down as the worst Christmas ever, imagine the logistics, all those people with all their luggage and general stuff, where are they going to put their suitcases/bags/presents etc? you won’t be able to move! and one toilet is completely unworkable, add on the grieving aspects coupled with being extremely uncomfortable, tempers could become frayed very easily.

Christmas from hell, for everyone involved. Even the dog.

Do you have any neighbours you’re friendly with who are going elsewhere for Christmas? You might be able to cat / Guinea pig sit and water plants in return for parking some guests at theirs.
do not attempt 13 to one loo, nor people sleeping on the living room floor when there are excited tiny children awake at 5am for Christmas. Nobody will sleep, everyone will be fractious.

I haven’t rtft so sorry if someone has suggested it but could you all rent a holiday place somewhere? Then there would be enough room and it would be multiple peoples responsibility to cook etc, not yours at 33weeks. It’s definitely a mental plan but obviously comes from a good place.

Large s/c properties have always been wildly expensive for Christmas week - and generally do have to be booked for the whole week, often outside regular booking patterns, so £2000 sounds quite reasonable (though eg Airbnb generally more flexible than eg Sykes)
But agree with all PPs saying get them
into Travelodge/Premier Inn, & prebook a minibus. Everybody will be so much more comfortable.
(Or you could trawl through booking.com etc l, as they’ll feature hotels/guest houses/B&B & s/c, and you can muck about with room/person numbers)
Good luck…!

I'm not sure that a holiday let would resolve all the issues anyway. Usually rentable for a week at that time - far too long for this group to be together- and requires a lot of logistics and coordination over who cooks, pays and cleans. Also pretty much guaranteed that OP will need to share with both DCs.

If the young people were prepared to bunk up on the floor, I'm sure they'll be happy to squeeze into a few rooms at the Travel Lodge. For two nights it will work out a lot cheaper than everyone in a cottage rental ( which would bring its own issues about who pays).

One big roast meal - everyone serves themselves and someone else cleans up afterwards- cold turkey for dinner, and go out - if they are still there - for Boxing Day or big walk and everyone makes their own picnic.

Honestly. It’s just a few days. Yes it will be tough but given the difficult family circumstances you will make it work. Just set the expectation that everyone pitches in and do not strive for perfection. As children we always stayed with our grandparents along with 10 other adults and 6 children in a 3 bedroom house. Horror of horrors just one loo and one bath (no shower). I remember those christmases as fabulous fun. Sleeping on the floor, everyone crammed in somehow. We even managed without daily showers! Christmas should be about being with those you love and you really are being kind to try and make this work, however tough it might be. I can’t understand some of the selfish and privileged opinions expressed here. Good Luck!

This thread is just insane.

Lots of well meaning posters suggesting this that and another on how to make this work.
Buy paper plates, charity shop plates, buy in the sides, have guests bring sides/sheets/towels.
Delia Smitn and M&S to the rescue!
Air beds and shower rota...
It's insane! Totally ridiculous.

The OP will get 33 weeks pregnant.
There will be 13 people plus a dog.
People in deep grief due to a young mother having very recently died unexpectedly.
3 bedrooms and just ONE bathroom!!!!!!!

This is NEVER going to work.

@Flowermarket - what is stopping you from saying "I'm not doing this!!!" ???

Under the circumstances I would allow this to go ahead.

don’t worry about their sleeping arrangements as they know the score and haven’t complained you could however set up a family WhatsApp group just to confirm the arrangements etc

you could also add in ‘of course it’ll be cramped so if anyone wants to stay at a nearby hotel we would totally understand’

prep all your veg the night before

cook your roast first thing

ask in-laws to bring dessert

ask BiL to bring starter - if not make a pan of soup to start but do it the day before or even now and freeze it

Have you had a conversation with your DH about this? Does he think all these people, dog and baby will fit in your house? Will be be cooking? Ask actual questions, and make him be specific.

Have you had a conversation with your DH about this? Does he think all these people, dog and baby will fit in your house? Will be be cooking? Ask actual questions, and make him be specific.

I bet DH hasn’t thought about details and practicalities …

The single toilet alone makes the bunking up idea unworkable.
It’ll be awkward just during the day; bedtime, overnight & morning isn’t fair on anybody (esp poor 33-weeks pg OP).
@Flowermarket just keep reiterating to DH that 1 loo isn’t enough for 13 people at all, let alone overnight.

I would do this with my family, but I know everyone would chip in with cooking/money and no one would complain about having to sit in a fold up chair / stool at Christmas Dinner.
They bring extra bedding/towels.
Put some money towards dinner/drinks/cheap crockery.
Breakfast I would get loafs of bread next to toaster, spread, jam and some croissants/pastries. No cooking involved. Every grown up should be able to help themselves to tea/coffee. Also there's no way everyone would be up at the same time.
Lunch.
Just nibbles as starter (nuts, crisps, olives. Open paket-->bowl)
Meat in the oven. When done wrap to rest and get on with sides. Carrots and parsnips precooked the day before only glazed in a pan with butter and honey
Roasties premade from the freezer straight into the oven
All other sides premade from the supermarket
Yorkshire puddings from freezer to oven when food going to the table
Everything set up buffet style.
Premade pudding (traditional one is great in slow cooker apparently) anything else straight from fridge/tube of celebrations.
All cooked in disposable trays.
If anyone is hungry later, leftovers or have some party food in the freezer.
Again I know my family would help with cooking/entertaining kids/dogs/build toys etc
Toilet wise, I assume not everyone needs to go every 5 min and is sensible enough to let pregnant/toddler person before if the case arises.
Not everyone needs a shower Christmas morning! Night before/before lunch are OK
And last, book yourself the hotel for the night 25 to 26. Everyone else can stay in the house.
Bath and bed for yourself 😀

That is fine if your family enjoys it.

Everyone in my family would be miserable sharing a toilet among 12 people for two days, let alone showering in a constantly wet and dripping bathroom, sleeping on the floor and cooped up with more than 10 others. Christmas Day is supposed to be fun.

The special circumstances regarding the SIL's death are horrible and it's understandable that her parents would want everyone together, but things don't always work out.

OP, can you rent a caravan and park it on your drive to provide a few extra beds and an extra toilet?

As children we always stayed with our grandparents along with 10 other adults and 6 children in a 3 bedroom house. Horror of horrors just one loo and one bath (no shower). I remember those christmases as fabulous fun. Sleeping on the floor, everyone crammed in somehow. We even managed without daily showers!

Sleeping on the floor, crammed together, one loo for 16 people, no daily showers - ho ho ho, such festive fun!

So update from DH - apparently it was all getting heated about Christmas plans so he suggested privately to his mum that 'they' come to us, meaning PiL, but she took it as meaning everyone and had then told everyone else about it before DH could speak to me. He was very apologetic about where we are and has suggested that us 4 stay at our friends who live locally but are away for the week and let the rest of them get on with it.

He was very apologetic about where we are and has suggested that us 4 stay at our friends who live locally but are away for the week and let the rest of them get on with it.

So this means you, husband and 2 children de-camp to a friend’s house, while the rest of them spend Christmas in your house in your absence?

Yeah, no. What does that solve?

I actually think it's a reasonable solution in the circumstances.

If I were the friends I wouldn't want people I didn't know staying in the house, so the only people that can logically use it are OP, DH and the two DCs.

It means OP has space at nighttime and gets her out of being hostess. Plus it's free.

I'd be ok with this, although it is a bit weird.

I do think a week will be too long for everyone though- yourselves included. 3 nights maximum would be much better for everyone.

OP, are you happy with this? Moving out of your home over Christmas so that other people can use your house? It would be easier for your relatives to stay in nearby hotels instead of displacing you?

In some ways it'll be easier for me personally - I will have a dedicated space to escape to (it's walking distance) when needed and will be able to spend some quality time with the kids on Christmas morning before heading round at leisure. Oh and the toddler will have a nap during prime Christmas dinner prep time so I can take her and have a snooze myself and hopefully return to a fully prepared spread.

It gives everyone else the opportunity to be together which is what the ultimate aim is and DH can run the show if he desires.

@rookiemere agree it is weird and not how I imagined Christmas to be but it's only 2 nights and (hopefully) a one off curveball of a year.