Help - suddenly hosting 12 for Christmas

[Flowermarket]

Hi all

Looking for a bit of advice/support. We were due to travel to my family for Christmas this year but due to a tragic death in the family (my sister in law, young and unexpected) we decided to spend it with my in-laws as they understandably all wanted to be together. In previous years we've either hosted Christmas lunch at ours with only grandparents staying, or we've travelled to them (4 families/houses in the same town). When DH was there at the weekend they have now decided that as none of the 4 houses are big enough to all eat together, everyone will travel to us on Christmas Eve and back on Boxing Day. It'll be 13 + dog.

We have a 3.5 bed house (box room) with 1 bathroom/toilet and space for everyone to sit around one table downstairs if we extend it. Sleeping arrangements will be tight - lots of airbeds as 2 of our rooms only have cots/toddler beds in.

I'm looking for some practical suggestions as to how to make this run as smoothly as possible. I will be 33 weeks pregnant at Xmas with a 4 and 2 yo. I'm stressing that when the kids inevitably wake up in the middle of the night, the whole house will be awake as sound travels and people will be sleeping all over so nowhere to quietly take them to. Then we're all in for an 18+ hour days with heightened emotions all round and tiredness on top.

I feel like setting expectations would make me feel better (e.g. bathroom time/showers will have to be limited to get everyone through, breakfast done by a certain time so dinner prep can start, nominating who will be cooking/clearing up) but as some of them are teenagers/older adults without young kids am I going to come across as a real killjoy? Is it too much like a school camp if we ask them to bring their own towels/bedding/plates?! We don't have enough here.

Any help gladly received...!

@Flowermarket ah it's only 2 nights. I agree, I think it's the least worst solution. Well done you and DH for being so understanding and flexible because of the circumstances.

But why is it easier for you to move out of your house than to have the relatives stay in a nearby hotel? With this convoluted ‘solution’ everyone is playing musical houses!

And I'm loving the strategic nap/dinner prep timing.

33 weeks pregnant with a 2 y.o. and a 4 y.o. and you're contemplating hosting CHRISTMAS for 13 people all in one 3 bed house.???? (plus a tiny boxroom.)

This is like the plot of a really naff hallmark movie. Can't imagine anyone in real life contemplating this for a fleeing moment!!!

Oh and obviously NO, no WAY should this happen! Just say no FGS.

@Coffeepot72 you're right on a practical level but there's the likely scenario that they'd turn up from a hotel early doors then be at the house until God knows what time that night/next morning with no reprieve. Whereas if we are elsewhere at least me and the kids having some personal space if/when needed is on our terms.

I feel I should just state that I love my in laws and get on great with them, there's no issues there beyond the logistics and sheer number of bodies.

@PurpleButterflyWings if it wasn't for the tragic circumstances I'd set up webcams and sell the footage to the Hallmark channel for 2023 viewing.

I think this is a good solution. OP and her kids get to escape, in laws are left in charge of the house/dinner.
They also all get time together in a family home rather than the premier inn.

I feel I should just state that I love my in laws and get on great with them, there's no issues there beyond the logistics and sheer number of bodies.

You may love them but are you sure they love you?!? OP, you have a heart of gold by the sounds of it, but I’m getting cross on your behalf!

Do your friends know about this plan?

This. Dont do it oP.

It is a bit strange but it is 1000 times better than the original plan. Tell your dp he needs to think through showing people where things are, they still need to bring their own bedlinen, and he will need to make sure everyone has brought/ bought food, and a week is too long! Oh and you also need to highlight that if he can’t swear this will never ever happen again then your pil are never invited again in case it risks inviting everyone.

take it as easy as you need. Sleep in and get back ti yours at 11 every day if you need, Dh and the kids can head off early.

@Coffeepot72 they do, very much. I just think they're not thinking straight at the moment and not thinking about the situation from my perspective.

Now a more palatable suggestion has been proposed I'm going to let it lie until after the funeral and then pick it up again. Our friends will be totally fine, we have keys for each others houses and have stayed back and forth when needed (building work, no water, kids for sleepovers etc).

Aww OP, it’s a kind thought in the circumstances, but it’s too much, given you are pregnant and have young children.

The one loo, will be a real pain, at 33wks I was needing a wee most of the time. I don’t this your IL are really thinking it through given that they are grieving.

it’s a long time to host 13 people and a dog (is the dog yours?).

good luck OP.

Are the ILs aware that you'll be at the other house during prime Christmas lunch cooking time (ie are they aware they will need to do Christmas lunch between them)? Or will they just assume you'll be doing it?