Help - suddenly hosting 12 for Christmas

[Flowermarket]

Hi all

Looking for a bit of advice/support. We were due to travel to my family for Christmas this year but due to a tragic death in the family (my sister in law, young and unexpected) we decided to spend it with my in-laws as they understandably all wanted to be together. In previous years we've either hosted Christmas lunch at ours with only grandparents staying, or we've travelled to them (4 families/houses in the same town). When DH was there at the weekend they have now decided that as none of the 4 houses are big enough to all eat together, everyone will travel to us on Christmas Eve and back on Boxing Day. It'll be 13 + dog.

We have a 3.5 bed house (box room) with 1 bathroom/toilet and space for everyone to sit around one table downstairs if we extend it. Sleeping arrangements will be tight - lots of airbeds as 2 of our rooms only have cots/toddler beds in.

I'm looking for some practical suggestions as to how to make this run as smoothly as possible. I will be 33 weeks pregnant at Xmas with a 4 and 2 yo. I'm stressing that when the kids inevitably wake up in the middle of the night, the whole house will be awake as sound travels and people will be sleeping all over so nowhere to quietly take them to. Then we're all in for an 18+ hour days with heightened emotions all round and tiredness on top.

I feel like setting expectations would make me feel better (e.g. bathroom time/showers will have to be limited to get everyone through, breakfast done by a certain time so dinner prep can start, nominating who will be cooking/clearing up) but as some of them are teenagers/older adults without young kids am I going to come across as a real killjoy? Is it too much like a school camp if we ask them to bring their own towels/bedding/plates?! We don't have enough here.

Any help gladly received...!

Can’t you book somewhere that does Christmas dinner? We have a local hotel that usually does weddings, but does Christmas dinner bookings in decent.
Then back to yours for drinks and then everyone in taxis back to their hotel or is there a house near you that is Airbnb available?

Try every alternative first. Everyone at yours doesn’t sound doable.

The travellodge will work.

Maybe just pre book a large taxi for the evening to take them back, although worst case scenario most healthy adults should be able to walk a couple of miles in less than an hour.

I'd offer your services as driver if they were heading back at 9, but stress that you can't stay up later due to the pregnancy.

I'm sorry for your loss.

The Travelodge sounds perfect and it should be ok to get cabs if you book this far ahead.

I don't think anyone would enjoy being as squashed in as they would need to be and IME, while it's good to be able to get together top remember a loved one, being able to spend time alone is also valuable- it could all be a bit overwhelming. If your DH is doing meals for everyone and hosting the day itself, that is more than enough.

Just thinking about all 13 people needing a festive poo with one toilet?!

Needs rethinking. Could you see if any of your neighbours are Airbnbing their houses over Christmas?

God thanks for the comments on the toilet thing, that is what is stressing me the most haha.

To respond to a few other comments - apparently they did look at a big house for us all to stay in but they were all £2000+ and deemed too expensive. I haven't actually looked myself to verify this.

Proposed sleeping arrangements are...4 of us in our room, DH's grandparents on the bed in the spare room, in-laws in blow up in room with toddler bed, BiL squeezing in on the floor of the box next to the cot with baby in then everyone else on sofas/blow ups downstairs. It just sounds awful to be honest. I think because they live in flats/2 bed houses they think our house is massive but it really isn't.

I'm going to suggest a couple of hotel rooms and see how it goes down. I think removing the early morning/breakfast/showering issue will make it seem a lot more manageable.

If they don't want to stay in the Travelodge then you book yourself in .

If your guests have any sense whatsoever they will already have the Travelodge booked.

Mind you saying that, we live around the corner from a hotel and I have had 10 people, including a 70 year old man, sleeping on an air bed to save 50 quid, so who knows !

Now this is the best suggestion I've heard all day!

The very fact that you were not involved in the discussions re the plan for Christmas.
The fact that you will be 33 weeks pregnant - with two very young DC.
Suggests to me that people are still very much in the grief stage and not thinking rationally.

How on earth can anyone think its reasonable for you in that stage of your pregnancy with a 3.5 bed house should be hosting, cooking for 12 people Christmas day. Its absolutely crazy!

Don;t do it! Explain to your husband this is not reasonable. Tell you DH if he wants to host and cater for 12 people this Christmas go right on ahead. You should go to your family with your DC and enjoy Christmas.

Don't be guilt tripped to do something that has disaster written all over it.

I'd be quite direct about the hotel thing too.

Just say it's not going to work as this is what the sleeping arrangements will look like and we have one toilet.

Happy to host you during the day but x number of you will need to sleep elsewhere. This hotel is 2 miles up the road and will only cost you £ if you book it now. I've checked and we can prebook you a taxi to get back.

I hope everyone understands and I look forward to seeing you all.

I often ask guests to bring their own bedding just to save my sanity and reduce our never ending laundry. Anyone who is offended is welcome to not come again.

It 100% would not be my choice but, given the circumstances (which are extremely fresh) I feel like a bit of a dick saying no.

You'll feel more of a dick when everyone is uncomfortably crammed in. Apart from the dining table do you have 12 comfortable seats as there will be a lot of sitting around. And one toilet for 12 people? No one will be able to shit in peace so that will add to everyone's discomfort. Honestly, you will hate it and so will they, there will no room to breathe.

Of course we don't have 12 seats 😂I'm laughing imagining our living room with 12 sofa/armchair seats. Their attitude is (and this is historic, not just this year) that Christmas is all about squeezing in and making do to be together though so that point will go down like a lead balloon.

But where will you store all the beds and bedding that needs to be put away? Where will the people sleeping in the living room change. Where will you hang 12 wet towels from everyone's morning shower. Your house is just not big enough to accommodate staying over, even if happy to squeeze in.

Tell them to bring their own towels, and for anyone under 60, an airbed and sleeping bag so you won't get stuck with mass laundry after. The under 60's all need to bring one plate, one glass, napkin, and cutlery for one.

Tell them you will not be cooking the festive meal Therefore the entire catering, xmas eve to boxing day, will be from M and S , which you will order online and DH will collect. You 'd like help with setting tables, reheating the goodies, serving, clearing tables and washing up.

After boxing day, its a catering free for all . Those who can cook, shop and cook for all. Those who can't cook, order takeaway for all.

Feel free to bring your fave booze, board games, DVD's.

I agree Travelodge is the best idea for some, if not all, of your guests.

As far as the Christmas dinner is concerned, buy as much as you possibly can already prepared, and as others have said, keep it simple. Are you OK for fridge and freezer space?

Ask everyone to bring a contribution to the food and drink. If they're going to end up having breakfast and lunch at your house as well as the main meals, that should include cereal, milk, tea, coffee, croissants, jam/marmalade, bread, cheese, ham, salad, fruit, eggs, biscuits, mince pies etc. Huge cost and logistical exercise for you otherwise, at any time, but especially late on in pregnancy.

Christmas Eve dinner: takeaway (cost shared), or a beige buffet with everybody bringing something for it.

Do you have enough chairs and table space for everybody to sit together?

Good luck!

you will want the toilet yourself! Tell Dh you need your toilet to yourself every 2-3 hours and no you won’t be able to wait! It just sounds awful.

I am so sorry for the sad circumstances and I understand why dmil really wants you all together. I wonder if this would work instead.
Could you all have Christmas day in your own homes. Lots of restaurants have lovely Boxing Day menus which are much cheaper than Christmas day. Could you gather for a boxing day meal with some staying over in a hotel in them travelling back the next day. Or if we they stayed over it would only be one night with no cooking or responsibility for it from you. Latish lunch out. Picky things on the table at yours about 7.00 with drinks. Light breakfast next morning for people to help themselves . Cereals toast yogurts fruit then on their way. I can't see how you can host all of these be with shortage of space, food shopping/preparation/cooking when you have two small children and are pregnant 💐

This sounds like a recipe for disaster

There's no way you'll be able to fit 13 and a dog in comfortably. Air BnB or cheap hotel and they travel to yours in the day, it's madness otherwise.

I will be 33 weeks pregnant at Xmas with a 4 and 2 yo

No no no nooooooooo!!!!!!

Do not let be bullied into this.

No way.

I feel like a bit of a dick saying no

You wouldn't be, bereavement is no reason for them to be putting this on you and when you are pregnant as well, they sound like CFs.

In fact it comes across as really strange, most people don't want to up sticks and camp in an unfamiliar town in a house full of small children when they are recently bereaved.

Whenever I've been to a large Xmas in the past it hasn't been a huge "table for X" it's been more than one table, children at small tables, some people with a TV-dinner tray, all that. So I doubt very much that really none of them have space. Sounds as though they are using this bereavement to force it to be "your turn" for some reason.

I'm a bit concerned that your DH has decided for you when you weren't there? Is he always like that or did he have his arm twisted by his family? But it does sound as though you have decided to go with the flow now and I can understand why. I also think the local hotel for at least half of them sounds reasonable. We do this when all of us decend on one older relative for an occasion, they do have enough room technically but it can get a bit much so 2 go to the hotel down the road and all share the cost. That's 6 of us (so 7 in total), not 13+dog!

I think with the right sort of family and a few tweaks this could be the most magical Christmas ever OP. Good on you for having a bash at it. Shame you're pregnant because when I hosted a similar Christmas set up a few years ago brandy wasn't my FRIEND.
A few things:

• YES it is fine to ask people to bring their own bedding and towels. If they aren't flying.
• Do take advantage of that local Travelodge.
• Try to loosely arrange a few activities to get different groups out of the house at different times of day. If they are an outdoorsy bunch maybe some of them could take the kids out for a breakfast picnic walk somewhere first thing?
• Maybe suggest a dinner out or takeaway on Christmas Eve to ease the burden?
• Do any of them happen to have a caravan or camper with facilities? If they parked up somewhere it would offer an extra loo and some quiet space?
• If you have any space anywhere get a fridge / freezer on freecycle for extra storage!
• take the easy route and buy ready made sides or if you hate that start making stuff and freezing it now (mashed swede, stuffing, red cabbage etc freezes so well)
• If you are cooking Christmas dinner there is absolutely no way that you get involved in washing up or anything else for the rest of the day. Make this clear to everyone, claim the comfiest chair to sit in after lunch and prepare to be pampered 😁

@deeperthanallroses
Just laughing to myself imagining OP's DH guarding the toilet and stopping his family from entering in anticipation that his wife may need to pay it a visit

Gosh no way!
33 weeks pregnant with two little ones
I'm sorry for your bereavement, but I don't think they've thought about the practicalities at all
As your DH so readily volunteered for this, ask him how he thinks it would work with 13 and a dog?
Look at availability of Travel lodge and tell family to book rooms now
I doubt your kitchen is set up for mass catering so I would order something like cook.
You could then do a buffet type thing in the evening
Put yourself first, and don't be guilted into it.