What to say to child when you can’t afford the ‘main’ gift?

[UnTrussworthy]

My 4yo DD has asked for a particular present this year. One toy, that’s she’s been asking for for months and months since she seen it.

We can’t afford it, at all. It’s too expensive with the cost of living crisis so we just can’t do it.

DD believes that Father Christmas makes all the toys before they’re given to the shops to sell and that’s why he can afford to give presents to all the boys and girls who have been good.

I did try and brush it off when she mentioned it after realising there’s no chance we can get it. I said Father Christmas might not be able to bring her a present like that this year and if there was anything else she could ask for. She said she asked if she had been a good girl and I said she has but sometimes Father Christmas gets to pick what he brings, which she just got upset and thought she had been bad because now he doesn’t want to bring her said toy.

What can I say that A- keeps the magic and B- doesn’t make her think she’s not been good enough to deserve it. I am so filled with guilt worrying about her little face on Christmas when she thinks she’s coming down to the toys she’s asked for and she isn’t.

there is one in

Pontefact
St Helens
Northwich
Manchester

all at £20

Wigan £8

Wolverhampton £25
Rugby £20
Nottingham £30
Nottingham £10

all the above on Market place

At 4 she is still young enough for you to heavily influence what she believes.

You really, really should discourage the idea that children can ask for whatever they want and get it. This is how you end up with parents of older children bankrupting themselves to buy extortionate gaming pcs etc to avoid disappointment.

My kids think fc fills your stocking. With inexpensive little bits - sweets and trinkets. Their christmas letters ask for things like glitter glue & chocolate money. If there was ever any suggestions of huge expensive things i made it clear that father christmas didnt bring big expensive things, that sometimes mummy and daddy might but it had to be within budget.

Honestly at 4 she will believe almost anything you tell her…I could heavily influence my kids (not in a bad way)

Have a look on Facebook & eBay for 2nd hand ones.

This is why Father Christmas 🎅 has always only ever gotten the stockings and mummy and daddy have always got the main presents 🎁 they also know the max amount we can afford for each main present and we have had chat’s recently that with the cost of living going up it’s quite possible that it’s going to be less (not just Christmas - we’ve had chats about turning lights off, and trying to save electricity) this year.

Always worth checking marketplace or setting up a local mums for sale chat in your area. We’ve got one in my village and I managed to pick up a brand new sealed Minnie Mouse hotel playset for £25 when it retails for almost triple :D I also really recommend the mega toy auction on Facebook, they have really good branded toys for great prices, sometimes they have tat but worth it to find a real bargain!

The less you say or get involved the better leave it up to Santa.
I always find whatever magic he puts on gifts or how he knows what to give always makes children super happy Christmas morning and somehow they can never really remember what was on their list.
It's Oct spend Nov, Dec getting ready for Christmas by making decorations, cards ECT not focused on what the presents will be. Of course children will be best behavior for the 'suprise' on Christmas morning.
With Environment issues he may be giving less plastic, could be space limitations on his sledge too.
He also would know what 5yo like so may pick something your daughter doesn't even realise she would love yet.

We never pretended that the main gift is from santa or that santa makes all the christmas presents. Santa (who is obviously very real and magic) brings books, maybe a DVD, a few fun things and a few "things we need" like pyjamas and socks, plus chocolate and sweets. Anything big or expensive comes from family members and parents and if it's been a tough year then the expensive things on the wishlist do not happen.

This is what I done with my older son n started to tell my 3yr old as he’s started getting the just of the Santa Xmas thing lol

I’d def. try to get a 2nd hand one. Dd has bought ‘big’ presents 2nd hand and far cheaper via e.g. FB marketplace - e.g. a Barbie house and Sylvanian families sets. Gdd was just as happy and I don’t think was even aware that they weren’t new.

But in future I’d certainly tell her that Father Christmas only brings little things in stockings. Big presents - if you’re lucky enough - come from parents/other family.*
It’s hard times at the moment for Father Christmas too, you know, and every year there are more and more children to find presents for.

*Always the case in 3 generations of this family - saves them asking for anything too big/expensive/unobtainable.

This is what we have told our children this year. We told them it's a big secret but they are old enough to understand now. I'm hoping that will take away the disappointment on Christmas day, especially as my eldest has requested a nintendo switch 🙈

I asked for a specific toy one year and didn’t get it, asked for it the following year …. Didn’t get it but my obnoxious 1 year younger db got it. He regularly smashed my toys up which didn’t get replaced so this massively upset me . I still believed though for many years after that so it’s quiet hard to ruin the magic I think !!!

We always had a Father Christmas story that he only bought a standard gift like a board game or middle size toy and the stocking as it would be too expensive and too big for him to carry large expensive presents for all the children of the world.
The thing is you can’t win with Father Christmas as everyone has different stories for their family. Most kids still believe to a certain extent anyway as they enjoy the fun of it.

You can literally tell a 4 yr old anything about Christmas and they will believe you.
id either get the 2nd eBay one for £40 or a cheaper plain one and buy a Minnie plastic/soft toy and stick it on the top corner, like in picture. If she questions it, say Santa saved her this special one as it was the only one left and all the other children had to have the plastic pink ones this year because Santa didn’t have enough special plain ones.

This is why when we were little, and I do it with my kids, Santa brings the stocking, and parents buy the gifts.
luckily mine are at an age now they know I’m skint!
im dreading this Xmas!

I've always said Santa brings 1 smallish present and the stocking and everyone else buys the rest, that's why some children get more than others. (Some of their cousins get a lot for Christmas and some get very little - we sit somewhere in between so they always saw the differences). Marketplace is amazing for things like this like lots of people have suggested, or could you possibly ask other family members to chip in as a joint present?

Good grief.

What?

Minnie Mouse Kitchen in London...

Our son was told from a very young age that when he wrote a list out, Father Christmas chose something from it but checked it was ok with us first because we still had to pay for it.

There’s one on eBay, but collection only from central London.
www.ebay.co.uk/itm/195285070497?hash=item2d77e5b2a1:g:c-gAAOSwai1i-B7q

Always says Santa brings the stockings only!

Just popping in to say, that Minnie mouse kitchen is utter shite, it falls over, bits come off all the time, it's bendy, really not worth the money.

I've seen it for almost half price on ebay, does it have to be brand spanking new? Check Facebook marketplace etc., you might get an absolute bargain!

Otherwise I think the idea that stockings come from Father Christmas is the best idea 🎅🎁

We tell my 5yo that parents have to give Father Christmas pounds to make the big presents because no way could he buy all the things needed to make the toys. I hate the thought of kids going back to school after Christmas break and thinking why didn’t Father Christmas bring me this or that, he still believes and really doesn’t impact the magic.

Agree with changing the narrative. I grew up believing Santa was just the delivery guy, I never had a stocking, and parents bought the gifts. Many people say Santa brings the stocking, so just change to that. Kids will believe anything, so just make something up as to why that’s changed. Otherwise she’s going to be upset on the day when she genuinely believes if she’s been good he will bring what she wants.