The 2022 Poncetastic Christmas Thread

[VivaJen]

Welcome to the 2022 Poncetastic thread. With a nod to Fellatio (wherever she may be) at the stroke of midnight, let the poncing commence.

"OK, first of all, I know it's still September by we need to start this thread now because as you all know, having a truly Poncetastic Christmas involves precision planning, strategy, bravery, heroics, and frequently martyrdom.

So, if you, like me, actually want to make the next twelve weeks of your life a misery by hand-crafting your cards, finding a huge bucket for Nigella's turkey in brine, pickling pears, shrivelling oranges in a low oven for those rustic au naturel decorations, dragging half a holly bush back from the woods, and just generally being a smug annoying jobs worth ponce, join me on this thread.

Feel free to post photos of previous tree-trimming, cake icing or table centrepiece triumphs, discuss this year's bauble colour themes, debate the merits of Delia versus Gordon, road-test a selection of canapés and cocktails, (all in the line of duty) and link to lovely inspirational photos/craft ideas for a truly Poncetastic Christmas.

Warning: If your idea of a good Christmas involves Pizza, ITV, gravy granules or anything with 'Aunt Bessie’s' on the packet, this is not the thread for you".

I think you can buy numbered paper bags and candy cane string on etsy?

Then it just a case of deciding what to include?

A night time walk to see the xmas lights?
Make a gingerbread house?
Film nights: elf, the Grinch, Paddington 2...
North Pole breakfast?
Home spa day?

Good luck!

Love these threads. Have been lurking for the last two years.

I have a vase and pebbles, so am off to source some bulbs before I forget, and do a bit of browsing for other poncey projects to start.

Yay! I'm poncing a tablecloth and napkins this year
A pompom garland
Chutney with our foraged apples

Hello Poncers!
I've finally persuaded my kids to let me do a home-made 'drawers' advent calendar this year, but now I have a dilemma; if I put little hair clips or tiny soaps into the drawers that sort of takes away from the bottom of the stocking tut. Maybe I should stick to sweeties and little notes?

They're only humouring me anyway - would be much happier with a $3 Frozen one from the supermarket.

I love this thread every year. My family think I'm a loon but here I have found my people.

Yay! Delighted to be able to join in.

I’ve already bought all my cake ingredients and am likely to bake them next weekend.

I’ve got a number of crafting poncy projects planned and will update you as we go. I’ve already bought a push-out-and-assemble wooden cottage thing.

I’ll be reading and listening to The Christmas Chronicles as usual, watching The Box Of Delights in the 6 weeks prior (one episode a week, Sunday evenings as per) and reading Jostein Gaarder’s A Christmas Mystery, which is utterly magical and has a short chapter each day from 1 December to the big day.

Happy Poncing, all!

@Bearsporridge number 13 on your list gave me a giggle - does anyone remember the "he ate a fat ball!" thread?

@EspeciallyDivided that's how I did them last time, so thank you, I'll do that again. You've saved me spending money to be disappointed! I was wondering what I could use too, that would be a bit firmer than the foam I used last year, a garden kneeler would be perfect if I can still get one from one of the pound type shops in town maybe 🤔

I've downloaded two advent calendars today - one the Hattifant one I linked earlier on, and the other a free gingerbread village. I want some decent pens for the Hattifant one now - I'm not big on colouring in though, so will probably nip in The Works next time I head to town.

@PorkPieAndAPickledOnion your push out and assemble cottage sounds up my street - could I have a link please? Or where did it come from so I could have a browse?

Chiming in! I’ve finished DDs new jumper which means I can start knitting gifts. I did a few Christmas cross stitch motifs whilst procrastinating on the sewing up.

Tonight I will be working out the volume of my loaf tin and adapting the quantities for my round tin Christmas cake recipe, again. This year I will write it out in a nice notebook instead of deleting the phone note in January

Oooh lovely. I’m a lurker, or, ponce adjacent if you will. I live vicariously through you wonderful poncers.

Handy tip thankyou, as I have just finished this snowflake! Rates appears to be 1 per episode of strictly, so I'm not sure my vision of a window full of them is going to happen...

Oh that’s beautiful! My Grandmother knits us all one every year, I wish I had an ounce of her talent, and she is so fast at it too. I can just about manage scarves, blankets, hats (thanks to circular needles) and I successfully made ONE sock last year

Thinking about it, I might knit some more blankets and scarves as gifts this year. I’ve got some really chunky wool that knits up a dream and it feels like a weighted blanket, also keeps me really warm.

All 3 of my DDs are with me this year (my eldest two alternate with their Dad, my youngest is with me all the time as hers isn’t around), and I really want to make some nice food. Youngest is dairy free and my freezer is tiny so I suspect it will be a challenge.

Cake made. Thoroughly stirred and wished by all the family.

@HardLanding thank you! I expect scarves and blankets will be treasured gifts this year, plus they keep your lap warm whilst you knit.
If you need any help with dairy free recipes I might be able to help. I’ve already sampled the M&S vegan cheese straws in the name of research (7/10)

@Bearsporridge thank you!!!!

Woohoo! I love this thread (though gave name changed many times). Like others I await Trumpton's theme! I am keen to get going as my youngest DC is a little older now (3!) and so less trouble.

@HardLanding pick a Christmas film one night (home alone, the new one is also great or the Christmas chronicles) and buy toppings for hot chocolate like skooshy cream and marshmallows. Should be a quick win. We now end up having hot chocolate most nights in December, but never mind. It's these things that clearly make an impression on the children. And yes building a a gingerbread house- get one in ikea and buy the glue they sell- it makes it pretty fast and the children love it.

Of course! It’s from Hobbycraft, £5, and there are a few designs; I think the others will come up as suggestions on the same page.

www.hobbycraft.co.uk/make-your-own-3d-wooden-house-scene/6535601000.html

The theme this year is yet to be finalised but will be based on origami peace cranes.
iykyk that every year I have a new theme for the sunroom that we have Christmas dinner in. I redecorate every year ( yes wallpaper and paint)
I have been practicing folding paper cranes and think I need about 100/ 150 but have found a pattern that I really like so am full steam ahead.
But… we are having a week away in the sun so will start mid October!

So far I've printed off some vintage Christmas carol sheet music to make into little paper bunting for my twig Christmas tree.
And I think I might knit a simple long skinny scarf to add to last year's porch Christmas tree as I loved how it turned out!

@BeastOfBODMAS oh yes please! Dairy free Christmas treats (ones that don’t taste like sadness) are still so hard to come by, and she’s now the age where she notices this stuff.

Theme for this year is retro, as I finally got my hands on my Great Grandmothers glass baubles (will post a photo once I get chance to dig them out of my cupboard) and I picked these up from Paperchase yesterday.

Recently moved to a rural village, I’m now living in a cottage that has a very big sash window that my 11YO has already told me needs to be decorated, and we need a door wreath. I agree because everyone here has already started to go all out with the Autumn decor on the fronts of their house so I can only imagine what Christmas will be like and we would stand out like a sore thumb if we didn’t decorate.

Oops, don't know why my picture posted twice!

Sorry if I’ve missed it but does anyone have a pattern for crochet snowflakes? The simpler the better!

@lucysmam I was going to add a warning about husbands to no.13, but I wasn’t sure anyone would remember that thread.

@LetUsPonce @Dillidilly I love the partridge set. I've been lusting after it for ages, but put off because it would take me about ten years to finish.

@EspeciallyDivided thanks for the pva+glitter tip, your snowflakes look fab. Rookie question, but does the glue not get them stuck to the foam?

@MarisPiper92 I've been doing the whole Twelve Days of Christmas set...since December 2019! 😉😆