The 2022 Poncetastic Christmas Thread

[VivaJen]

Welcome to the 2022 Poncetastic thread. With a nod to Fellatio (wherever she may be) at the stroke of midnight, let the poncing commence.

"OK, first of all, I know it's still September by we need to start this thread now because as you all know, having a truly Poncetastic Christmas involves precision planning, strategy, bravery, heroics, and frequently martyrdom.

So, if you, like me, actually want to make the next twelve weeks of your life a misery by hand-crafting your cards, finding a huge bucket for Nigella's turkey in brine, pickling pears, shrivelling oranges in a low oven for those rustic au naturel decorations, dragging half a holly bush back from the woods, and just generally being a smug annoying jobs worth ponce, join me on this thread.

Feel free to post photos of previous tree-trimming, cake icing or table centrepiece triumphs, discuss this year's bauble colour themes, debate the merits of Delia versus Gordon, road-test a selection of canapés and cocktails, (all in the line of duty) and link to lovely inspirational photos/craft ideas for a truly Poncetastic Christmas.

Warning: If your idea of a good Christmas involves Pizza, ITV, gravy granules or anything with 'Aunt Bessie’s' on the packet, this is not the thread for you".

We used Nigel Slater's recipe from the Christmas Chronicles - really easy to follow

Will give it a try. Love homemade mincemeat. I used up half a jar from last year in some mincemeat slices (Delia). Sort of flapjack meets mince pie. Very nice.

@kiwi17 The Works sometimes have nets of pebbles for about £3. Not many in them though, I don't think.

Poncing has ground to a halt here this week. I've been chasing my tail with lots of bitty, time consuming, things to do. Hopefully I'll get chance to carry on experimenting with different hook sizes for my church this week!

I've found a printable Advent village that I'm going to attempt to make one house of per day of December...we'll see how well that goes 🤔

All these posters making their own mincemeat - I am hanging my head in shame. I have a DH who swears he doesn't really like shop bought things and homemade stuff is much better. In fact, he eats far more shop bought things than he realises because I just don't tell him and whilst I don't actually hide any jars/tins/boxes, I don't leave them lying around either. Anyway, the reason I am hanging my head in shame is that many years ago, I bought some mincemeat, put it in a mixing bowl with a bit of chopped apple, orange zest and a good slug of booze and told him I'd made it. He loved it. So much so, that when I did actually make some using a Delia recipe, he immediately spotted the difference in taste and said he preferred the original recipe. I have never 'fessed up and have been happily buying Robertsons mincemeat in secret for nearly 30 years! Just in case anyone is thinking to themselves that he should damn well make it himself, I ought to mention that he does most of the cooking anyway and is much better at it than me! And just to redeem myself in the eyes of fellow poncers, I should also say that i do at least make my own Xmas puddings!

And following on from my previous post, my top tip for Xmas pudding making is to measure the brandy that goes into the mixture very carefully, pour it in and then think did it and then pour in a very generous slug extra. The next bit is most important - pour out the remaining brandy into a glass, put your feet up and drink it.

*think sod it

Confused your posts have made me laugh. What a tangled web of mincemeat deception you have woven 😉

its probably easier to make your own than to remember to buy Robertsons and ponce it.
It’s sweet that you continue to make his bespoke mincemeat in secret. True love ❤️

It made me laugh too! And inspired a festive namechange!

Great name change!

@TangledWebofMincemeatDeception I love that name change!!

@HannahDefoesTrenchcoat true love is right! At the risk of sounding complacent he is one in a million!

In other poncing fail news, the inglenook in my sitting room is already decorated with garlands and there is a gold string up for displaying cards ...... because I haven't actually got around to taking them down from last year. I mean, fake pine greenery with cones and gold stars don't have to be just for Christmas, do they?

I've just had a look at the aforementioned inglenook and realised that it is not going to look very festive if I leave it as it is, it will just look like it has done all year. So, I've got online and ordered some fairy lights. That'll ponce it up a bit!

Fairy lights ponce everything up.

I bought these yesterday. Not poncetastic in that they aren't exactly exuding elegance, but we had lights like this when I was a kid and I love them!

Oh it’s still very poncetastic! Nostalgia is lovely at Christmas.

This strikes me as a good thread to ask - I need to replace all my pillar (church-style) candles post an international move this summer. Where is best? I tried TK Maxx but theirs were all scented.

I like Lene Bjerre candles. That’s the only personal recommendation I can make, but I used to order them from Scandinavia so that’s not necessarily practical...I know I saw some on eBay last Christmas. But hopefully others will be able to give you some more convenient suggestions!

Thanks! I probably don't need to import bog standard candles but that is a lovely website to look at anyway

(By which I mean, I just need standard candles not fancy ones. Not that hers aren't lovely!)

Heh yes, I agree that would not really be sensible!

Ikea for church candles

Agree with IKEA for basic candles. I don't think they can be beaten for price.

Unfortunately it is 45 minutes to the closest ikea for me which probably negates the savings 😭😭

Flying Tiger maybe......ýou can order online?

Wilko if you have one?

Robert Dyas have them online, not sure about in shops

Your local supermarket should have them in the home aisle, actually.