The 2022 Poncetastic Christmas Thread

[VivaJen]

Welcome to the 2022 Poncetastic thread. With a nod to Fellatio (wherever she may be) at the stroke of midnight, let the poncing commence.

"OK, first of all, I know it's still September by we need to start this thread now because as you all know, having a truly Poncetastic Christmas involves precision planning, strategy, bravery, heroics, and frequently martyrdom.

So, if you, like me, actually want to make the next twelve weeks of your life a misery by hand-crafting your cards, finding a huge bucket for Nigella's turkey in brine, pickling pears, shrivelling oranges in a low oven for those rustic au naturel decorations, dragging half a holly bush back from the woods, and just generally being a smug annoying jobs worth ponce, join me on this thread.

Feel free to post photos of previous tree-trimming, cake icing or table centrepiece triumphs, discuss this year's bauble colour themes, debate the merits of Delia versus Gordon, road-test a selection of canapés and cocktails, (all in the line of duty) and link to lovely inspirational photos/craft ideas for a truly Poncetastic Christmas.

Warning: If your idea of a good Christmas involves Pizza, ITV, gravy granules or anything with 'Aunt Bessie’s' on the packet, this is not the thread for you".

Got that wrong, I mean I didn't use wicks but did use wax 🤦‍♀️

My Christmas cake is in the oven and my individual Christmas puddings are having their first steam. I could only find four of my pudding pots and I had mixture left over so I've got 3 in Gu ramekins. I was fairly sure that DH commandeered at least two of my pots for screws etc in the shed but he denied it 🤷🏻‍♀️

No but I once made turret cakes for a fairy castle cake I was making, in baked bean tins and cut my hand quite deeply on the edge of the bean tin - it was surprisingly sharp. So, if you try it, just watch out for those edges when buttering and lining the tin!

I can confirm that over-cinnamoned blackberry gin is lovely with apple juice and a squirt of lemon. Which is lucky!

Was it last year that a poster described how she decorated themed bedrooms for visiting adult children?
Was it even on this thread?
I thought it was a magical idea, and she inspired me to do a (much simpler) hugge type bedroom for visiting DD and her partner.
I'd love to know what the poster is planning for this year!

I tested my marmalade gin tonight…it’s very good. Now in my bed zzzz

I don't know where the month has gone. Finally ready to get back to poncing, I was so into this thread at the end of September, then we've all had Covid again(!), lots of admin tasks and suddenly first week of November is already gone. Admittedly the weather being so bright and sunny has helped in my denial.

After having my most middle class moment ever today - lamenting the fact Waitrose does not stock Calvados - I realised I better spring into activity before I truly retreat up my own arse. Decided I will make my cake, pudding and mincemeat this weekend so now have fruit soaking in a bottle of rum. Gingerbread gin is coming along nicely too.

I plan to brine my turkey again this year and have been thinking using a gravel bag might be a good idea. Can anyone see any obvious issues with this?

@Soscrewed Like a previous poster I use floristry wire but I just loop it round the letterbox flap on the inside rather than a command hook. To avoid scratching the door take a circle of cardboard, slightly smaller than your wreath and wire or cable tie to the back of the wreath. I wrapped mine in a hessian sack type thing for extra 'aesthetics' but it isn't really visible.

I hear you @AMessageToYouRuby time does weird things this time of year, doesn’t it?

Majestic and Morrisons both stock Calvados. I want some too now

@AMessageToYouRuby I don't know about gravel bags but I do know that ziploc bags are bpa free (important for food storage). They do some xxl ones. I have used them for brining whole 3kg joints of brisket before. They're waterproof
20 gallon size
10 gallon size
3 gallon size

Thanks @BeastOfBODMAS that’s useful to know, in the end I ordered some from Amazon. I use it in the Christmas cake and if I’m to make progress on my baking I need it asap. Its become so hard to find but. I really miss Oddbins for the booze shopping.

@CuriousEats you are fabulously helpful! I had no idea they came in such large sizes, this is basically what I was trying to create, I just thought what would be a large strong bag, fool that I am didn’t even consider looking for xl food ones. So glad to hear you’ve had success for brining too. I normally use a large tub I have but the Turkey requires a bucket and getting that in the fridge was hell.

I kept creeping down in the night to check, I was so worried it was going to crack the fridge shelf. If it’s in a bag I can put it in the bottom fridge drawer no problem. DH did suggest using the drawer itself but I think a Turkey floating in the bottom of your fridge is simply too sinister even if you could get past the hygiene element.

Hello does anyone have a recipe for marmalade gin?
What proportions gin va marmalade you use?
I have plenty of homemade marmalade to use up!
Thank you!

@Lalanbaba Someone (I think it was @Trumpton) posted a recipe a little ways back on this thread.🎄

@AMessageToYouRuby I did crack the crappy fridge drawer with the weight of it but fortunately it was inside the bag!!

I've been using some blood orange vodka to feed my family of fruitcakes this year. Its imparting a lovely zesty citrusy flavour. I've run out now so will do the last couple of feeds with a spiced rum. I have a recipe for a light fruitcake with a marzipan crumble topping (yes it is amazing) and in that you soak the fruit in orange liqueur for a couple days prior to baking. It is my favourite recipe but unfortunately doesn't lend itself to icing.

@VivaJen I just made your pickled sprouts and they look amazing, can’t wait to tuck in.
I feel like I’ve finally “arrived” as a poncer since I already had everything in except for the sprouts, so it was a really quick spontaneous project. No trawling round the shops for ingredients or equipment this time

That is definitely top notch poncing, when you alread have all the necessary ingredients, jars and sundry equipment on hand.

@Lalanbaba
HERE YOU GO…MARMALADE GIN

Or as it’s known in our house Breakfast Gin…be warned if you serve it topped up with fizz it’s dangerous!
well remembered@NiqueNique !

@Trumpton where did you get the pebbles for the bottom of your paperwhites please? Couldn't find any in the garden centre today but I do have glass jar/vases ready!

@Trumpton I made a note at the time because I definitely want to make some!!

I got mine from the beach ( shhhh)
But I would have thought garden centres should have some.
I start mine on 14th November so you have a little while.

Thanks,

I have add a little extra marmalade and extra 100g of sugar.
I love the idea of topping up with fizz! 😀

Thanks I will keep trying! Our beach is sandy not pebbly sadly..!

@kiwi17 last year I found some at Wilko.

Thanks I will have a look!

DS and I made mincemeat today - our first time and oh my goodness, it tastes amazing!

That mincemeat looks delicious. Did you follow a recipe? I’m going to make mine tomorrow or Monday.

can anyone recommend a gluten free Christmas pudding recipe please? I know I can replace flour and breadcrumbs with gluten free version plus ground almonds but wondered if someone has a recipe they like?

I use a gf Delia’s Creole cake recipe which works well.