The 2022 Poncetastic Christmas Thread

[VivaJen]

Welcome to the 2022 Poncetastic thread. With a nod to Fellatio (wherever she may be) at the stroke of midnight, let the poncing commence.

"OK, first of all, I know it's still September by we need to start this thread now because as you all know, having a truly Poncetastic Christmas involves precision planning, strategy, bravery, heroics, and frequently martyrdom.

So, if you, like me, actually want to make the next twelve weeks of your life a misery by hand-crafting your cards, finding a huge bucket for Nigella's turkey in brine, pickling pears, shrivelling oranges in a low oven for those rustic au naturel decorations, dragging half a holly bush back from the woods, and just generally being a smug annoying jobs worth ponce, join me on this thread.

Feel free to post photos of previous tree-trimming, cake icing or table centrepiece triumphs, discuss this year's bauble colour themes, debate the merits of Delia versus Gordon, road-test a selection of canapés and cocktails, (all in the line of duty) and link to lovely inspirational photos/craft ideas for a truly Poncetastic Christmas.

Warning: If your idea of a good Christmas involves Pizza, ITV, gravy granules or anything with 'Aunt Bessie’s' on the packet, this is not the thread for you".

Quite right! We’re having a new front door and porch glazing in a couple of weeks’ time, and I made sure I know how I can hang my wreath before the confirmed the order!

I have just pickled some sprouts 😁

Clementine gin almost ready to be bottled in about 10 days time. Bramble gin similar (I need to have ice cream in freezer to use with the rescued berries ...it's a sacrifice I'm willing to make ).

Next week I have lots of plans for sewing presents and possibly some festive placemats for our house. I'm just pondering whether to bring a jar of well matured mince meat with me to experiment with pastry making as part of setting the mood for my retreat.

We're feeling festive today 🎄the small Christmas cake, for my dad, is in the oven & smells lush. We're waiting for them to bake with a bag of lebkuchen, from Lidl, and steaming coffee.

It's soothing the disappointment of there being not a single carving sized pumpkin at Lidl this morning 😢although we did pick up a couple of dinky ones with curly wurly stalks that have taken up residence on the mantlepiece.

Has anyone ever made individual Christmas cakes using baked beans tins? I really like the idea of making individual ones for gifts but not sure about timings 🎄

I was going to last year but didn’t in the end! So that doesn’t help you much, does it...

However I remember when I searched I did manage to find recipes/methods which I presume were accurate, so you should be able to find suitable instructions. This year I’ve decided to do small cakes but I’m going to do them in springform tins instead as I want them about 1/8 size.

Sorry 1/4!

Oooooo! I’ve wanted to do this for years but never actually got round to it. Has anyone moved from idea to reality yet? I love tips, if so.

I have a composite door, a door knocker AND a doorbell - most people use the doorbell despite the knocker (some people use both 🙄). I attach my wreath to the door knocker with florist wire. While it's there, everyone rings the bell 😂 I am wondering if I should have some kind of wreath on the front door throughout the year 🙂

We have a knocker as well as a doorbell. Hardly anyone uses the knocker but it lools nice. I have Christmas, autumn and Easter wreaths so it is covered up for about 3 months a year.

I've got a womens weekly cake decorating book which has a few recipes in the back which are adjusted for all sorts of cake tin sizes.
A baked bean tin diameter is 7.6cm
This book says a deep 10cm diameter tin needs 1hr 15mins, and a 12 hole muffin tin (6.35cm dia) needs 45mins.
Oven at 150°C.
I'd give it 50-55mins, covering the top with foil after the 1st 30 mins, or earlier if it browns too quickly.

Nigella has a recipe for Jewelled Cupcakes in Feast. I made them one year and they were lovely.

I did some years back - my dad had been unwell and needed to regain weight, so I made him an advent calendar with a small cake per day. I made 4 different recipes, 6 of each and decorated them simply with nuts/fruit/ready made icing.

I can’t remember which recipes I used but I just got them from google and they were pretty easy. I’m not a baker usually but they turned out well - if I can do it, pretty much anyone can!

The hardest part was getting the 24 empty tins - DD was smaller then and helped by eating a lot of cartoon themed pasta shapes.

My Christmas cakes are in the oven! Feels like a massive achievement because the baby has been poorly and has just had her first proper nap since the weekend.

@VivaJen can you tell me about pickled sprouts please? Sounds like something I would love and my DH would bleach the kitchen bin in an attempt to eliminate the source of the smell (like kimchi, it’s a win-win!)

I think I have decided on my Christmas card designs. They are done with masking fluid (Poundland £2.40) and watercolour paints ( grandchildren’s)
Easy enough for me. I only need about 10 this year.

@BeastOfBODMAS I bought a jar of them from Fortnums last year as a bit of a joke to go with the cheeseboard and they were surprising nice. They are £10 a jar so I thought I would try and make my own this year. I used the recipe from Kate Young's 'The Little Library Christmas' but used cider vinegar instead

Ooh, @Trumpton I made a note of an idea I saw on fb earlier on but I like the look of those too!

@lucysmam

www.goodhousekeeping.com/holidays/christmas-ideas/g4080/clever-diy-christmas-cards/?slide=11

Ooooh love this thread. I’m panning to make some festive pine cone fire starters (pine cones dipped in chosen colour of melted wax with wick applied) - which will look gorgeous of course and not at all like a pinterest fail. I’m also going to make some festive Bread Dipping oil with Juniper Berries.

@Bearsporridge I love brown paper - and I have stamps! Will get on to that too.

@HardLanding you’re brilliant for ever doing that - I’ve got our Advent Calendar letters from the North Pole from International Elf Service which I can totally recommend if you want something super easy and gorgeous. There’s a discount code for it - will look for it and return but dashing off now.

I’m panning to make some festive pine cone fire starters (pine cones dipped in chosen colour of melted wax with wick applied)

What a great idea. I've got loads of leftover scented wax from one of those annoying candles which tunnelled its was down to the bottom of the glass at warp speed. How are you applying the wick? Glue?

Ooh I might have a go at the firelighters as well. Does any old wax do? I've probably got a few old candles about the place that could be put to good use.

@FuriousScreech i think you need wired wick wound around the pine cone before you dip it in the wax.

@SirSamVimesCityWatch It says soy wax flakes - but not sure if any old wax will do. Maybe??

@VivaJen - I think I’ll give those a go - they sound delicious.

For anyone interested, I’ve found the code for the elf service - HOTCHOC20
They’re genuinely v good.

I bought the mould for the Lakeland Christmas cottage, on Vinted, last week...it looked quite dinky in the photos. It is not dinky & says it needs 1.2 kg of chocolate to make it 😱 I wonder if the 30p ish stuff will do 🤔

I thought it'd fill a weekend when we're not doing much & the girls have already seen it & heard all about my brilliant idea now 🤦‍♀️

I did the fir cone and wax firelighters a few years ago, didn't use wax but I did use glitter, that was in the days before it was known to be eco-unfriendly. They worked really well. To be honest they work really well without wax of you use a bit of newspaper but wax makes them work on their own. There is a pine tree overhanging my work car park and I gather a couple of carrier bags of them every year to use for firelighting, they look lovely in a basket on the hearth (it's a woodburner so no stray sparks to set them alight).

I'm scaling back the poncing a bit as I am low carbing but will still probably make a Christmas pudding. We have mincemeat saved from last year.

This weekend I have planted paperwhite narcissus. I started some hyacinths in early Sept but have never done the paperwhites before.

3 prototype Christmas cards ready to be mounted. I used Art Masking Fluid then water coloured over it before peeling the glue off. I think I like the snowflake best and the tree is too busy but will carry on playing.