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Christmas

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Original poster

pressure to host awful man for Christmas!

130 replies

KevinTheKoala · 22/12/2021 17:49

My SIL 'has decided' that my partner and I can have FIL for Christmas day this year. I cannot stand him, he is misogynistic, racist, makes innapropriate comments to my daughters, constantly belittles and degrades their nan who they adore and is passive aggressive towards me! I've already bought the food for the day and didn't factor in an extra adult - not to mention we don't drink and the man is an alcoholic! So I have no alcohol here... I also have 1 day off over Christmas and so I don't want to be spending that 1 day hosting someone who will ruin my day. I feel really selfish but on the other hand it is my Christmas too! How can I put my foot down without causing a family war?

OP posts:
whatnumber · 22/12/2021 17:51

I think it's too risky as you've been a close contract of someone who's tested positive and you have symptoms. What a shame you can't host him.

Motnight · 22/12/2021 17:51

What does your dh say? What does fil say? Has sil hosted fil previously?

I would be impressed with my sil dictating this to me, it's your dh though who should respond.

canary1 · 22/12/2021 17:52

You simply don’t have to have anyone for Christmas that you don’t invite! I don’t understand how people get suckered into things they don’t want! He sounds awful- don’t have him!

VimFuego101 · 22/12/2021 17:53

Would he actually want to come if you tell him Christmas st your house is alcohol free?

ShirleyPhallus · 22/12/2021 17:53

Yep, it’s not up to you to come up with an excuse, leave that to your husband

TheLightSideOfTheMoon · 22/12/2021 17:53

I wouldn’t have an alcoholic in my home. It’s inappropriate with children around.

Sundancerintherain · 22/12/2021 17:55

Get your DH to tell them no.

GrazingSheep · 22/12/2021 17:55

Does your dh take turns with his sister to host their father?

Hothammock · 22/12/2021 17:55

Covid can be your friend

britneyisfree · 22/12/2021 17:56

Yikes. Tell your SIL to F Off.

DismantledKing · 22/12/2021 17:56

75% of Mumsnet threads would be solved by learning just to say ‘no’.
And before anyone says, it really is that simple.

babouchette · 22/12/2021 17:58

Maybe your SIL feels the same about him and needs a break from hosting him?

NameChangeCity123 · 22/12/2021 17:59

@whatnumber

I think it's too risky as you've been a close contract of someone who's tested positive and you have symptoms. What a shame you can't host him.
Agreed sorry for your symptoms OP and hope your PCRs come back in time.....
Grimchmas · 22/12/2021 18:00

When you say your SIL "has decided" - do you mean that she's fed up of him and told him to go to his son's on Christmas day for a change?

Your H needs to say no to his dad.

You have a dry household and this won't be changing for Xmas day.

He is inappropriate towards his grand children and daughter in law.

And you're being super careful about covid right now.

But this all needs to come from your H.

DismantledKing · 22/12/2021 18:00

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Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk guidelines.

Knobblebobble · 22/12/2021 18:02

Does anyone not feel sorry for the SIL? They probably can't stand him either. It's not fair for them to host every year...

However it's one I'd leave with my husband to sort. If he wanted him to come I think I'd suck it up but limit it to dinner time only. Say 1 till 5 or something....

PeterPomegranate · 22/12/2021 18:02

Has your SIL had him every other year? If so she must be fed up.

But this is for your DH to deal with.

And you don’t have to get alcohol for Xmas day if you wouldn’t normally. And I say that as someone who likes a drink. It’s your house you can do things the way you like.

Original poster
KevinTheKoala · 22/12/2021 18:06

My partner has no strong feelings either way but also feels I am over reacting a bit and I should just ignore the things he says. My SIL is usually the one to host him as she likes to have large Christmases where as we generally stay just the 4 of us.

OP posts:
LUCCCY · 22/12/2021 18:10

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Quotes deleted post

BoudecaBains · 22/12/2021 18:12

Looks like FIL will be having Christmas on his Jack Jones then !.

AuntieMarys · 22/12/2021 18:12

More proof that some people deserve Xmas on their own.

IntermittentParps · 22/12/2021 18:14

@KevinTheKoala

My partner has no strong feelings either way but also feels I am over reacting a bit and I should just ignore the things he says. My SIL is usually the one to host him as she likes to have large Christmases where as we generally stay just the 4 of us.
Overreacting? Maybe suggest he spends the day with his father and sister and you can overreact at hone in peace.
Santahatesbraisedcabbage · 22/12/2021 18:14

Who cares if it starts a war?

Original poster
KevinTheKoala · 22/12/2021 18:14

I do feel sorry for my SIL but frankly it's my Fils own behaviour that has led to nobody wanting to host him and so this is his own doing. I wouldn't blame her if she simply said no to him. He does have another son who doesn't do anything on Christmas day (through his own choice) who he could potentially go to.

OP posts:
CheshireKitten123 · 22/12/2021 18:30

Just. Say. No.

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