pressure to host awful man for Christmas!

[KevinTheKoala]

My SIL 'has decided' that my partner and I can have FIL for Christmas day this year. I cannot stand him, he is misogynistic, racist, makes innapropriate comments to my daughters, constantly belittles and degrades their nan who they adore and is passive aggressive towards me! I've already bought the food for the day and didn't factor in an extra adult - not to mention we don't drink and the man is an alcoholic! So I have no alcohol here... I also have 1 day off over Christmas and so I don't want to be spending that 1 day hosting someone who will ruin my day. I feel really selfish but on the other hand it is my Christmas too! How can I put my foot down without causing a family war?

Isit my father? I'd be absolutely refusing. Don't let him come and ruin your kids and your Xmas

As you are non-drinkers and he is an alcoholic, surely he is likely to prefer to go elsewhere?!

Geeze have some compassion. We all have in-laws we don't rub along well with. Lay down the law at the outset and make the best of it

@britneyisfree

Yikes. Tell your SIL to F Off.

this

@KevinTheKoala

I do feel sorry for my SIL but frankly it's my Fils own behaviour that has led to nobody wanting to host him and so this is his own doing. I wouldn't blame her if she simply said no to him. He does have another son who doesn't do anything on Christmas day (through his own choice) who he could potentially go to.

i wouldn't feel too sorry for her, she didn't fel too sorry for you did she?

he'll just go the bottom of a glass for Christmas so he can behave like that in his own home.

Tell your Sil to host him Christmas Day and if your DH wants he can have him round on Boxing Day when you’re at work.

I think he needs to be told why he is unwelcome at your home, whether he likes the truth or not., and I wouldnt feel sorry for him if he gets iffy about being told some home truths, he needs to change his personality traits before people accept him better.

I wonder if the other son only says he does nothing on Christmas Day!

Say No. Your SIL can also choose to say No.

The consequence of being a racist, mysogynistic person who makes inappropriate comments to small girls, and belittles grown women, is that you spend Christmas Day on your own.

Life is too short.
One day off on Christmas....just say no.
Alcoholic or not he sounds obnoxious.

And what 1forall74 said - your dh can tell his dad why he isn’t invited.

Just tell your sil you will decide who you invite for Xmas and as you only have one day off you want to spend it with just DH and DC. Food already bought and won't stretch to fil. Tell your sil he makes inappropriate comments to your dd and is passive aggressive to you and you don't want your one Xmas day off from work spoilt. DH can host fil on Boxing day if he wishes to do so but no alcohol is coming into your home. Fil can sort himself out. He could get a pub meal.

How can I put my foot down without causing a family war?

Bollocks to that. Put your foot down. If war breaks out then it's due to him being an evil cunt. (At the risk of proving Godwin's law, I would refer you to the failure of British foreign policy in the 1930s!)

makes innapropriate comments to my daughters

Absolutely no. No discussion, no compromise.

I think a lot of people need to make their new year resolution to just say no to stuff they don't want to do.

It's easy OP. Especially when they don't care if they're rude to you.

“No”

There you go

He said inappropriate things to your daughters but your partner is cool with that?

Christ.

Whatever you do don’t host him, for that alone. Your DDs should never have to put up with that and certainly not have their Christmas spoiled by it.

You need to say no to this. Your SIL actually has no right to volunteer you for any of this, even though she probably is fed up of hosting this arsehole.

Arsehole can spend Christmas on his own. He has made his own bed over the years and now it is time to lie in it.

@QuestionNumberOne

He said inappropriate things to your daughters but your partner is cool with that?

Christ.

Whatever you do don’t host him, for that alone. Your DDs should never have to put up with that and certainly not have their Christmas spoiled by it.

This was exactly my thought. Why even consider it????

No.

Just say no. That's all there is to it.

why is your partner ok with his father saying inappropriate things

Your DH should be the one dealing with this, it’s his family?
It’s not nice that people are on their own on Christmas Day, but this man’s horrible behaviour means he shouldn’t be allowed to ruin Christmas for others.

Tell your SIL no. That you understand that she likes big christmases with extended family, but you wont be taking it in turns or hosting him due to some problematic behaviour and comments towards your daughters, that that might be normal for their family but not in yours. That FIL can sit home and watch telly if he wants, but you already planned a quiet small christmas and thats the way its staying.