pressure to host awful man for Christmas!

[KevinTheKoala]

My SIL 'has decided' that my partner and I can have FIL for Christmas day this year. I cannot stand him, he is misogynistic, racist, makes innapropriate comments to my daughters, constantly belittles and degrades their nan who they adore and is passive aggressive towards me! I've already bought the food for the day and didn't factor in an extra adult - not to mention we don't drink and the man is an alcoholic! So I have no alcohol here... I also have 1 day off over Christmas and so I don't want to be spending that 1 day hosting someone who will ruin my day. I feel really selfish but on the other hand it is my Christmas too! How can I put my foot down without causing a family war?

...he is misogynistic, racist, makes innapropriate comments to my daughters... It's a no from me based just on this. It sounds like your partner/spouse doesn't care either way so no issue with just saying no. Your SIL is free to do the same for her household. It's not like he's homeless and will be shivering on the street if you don't host him; he can stay home and yell at the television or whatever.

On another note, I bet if you let slip you run a dry household, absolutely no alcohol for anyone on Christmas or any other day under any circumstances, FIL will make other plans.

Geeze have some compassion

For a racist woman hater who says inappropriate things to his own granddaughters?

Why don't you take him?

So sorry to hear that you have tested positive for Covid. You will have to isolate with just your immediate family and no guest! Poor you!

You're doing exactly the right thing. Your home, your family, your decision. A clear truthful message that his behaviour is unacceptable so he is not invited to your Christmas. Your children are your duty, not the man who makes them feel uncomfortable (if that helps?).

I think you've made a wise decision. SiL is going to have to like it or lump it. If she says "Well, I've had him EVERY YEAR!!!" then your DH needs to just say "Then don't have him if you don't want to. But it doesn't mean I have to have him if you don't".

It's one thing not to invite a relative who is just a bit annoying. If elderly Auntie Matilda who runs on and on or repeats stories will be alone I'd probably suck it up and have her. After all, we don't know but that we may be like her in years to come. But relatives who are any of the '-ists' (racist, misogynist, etc), abusive/insulting, who become drunken fools, or behave inappropriately? Hell, no.