Gift ideas for terminally ill Mum

[33goingon64]

My DM is just starting end of life care, with an expectancy of a few months. She'll be at home, but by Christmas I would imagine she'll be largely in bed in one room - so I'm thinking of ideas for presents that will cheer her up and make the room a bit nicer.

Thoughts so far: snuggly socks, reed diffuser or similar... and there I ran out of ideas. I don't think she'll be able to read much by then and may not be able to hold on to awkward or heavy things.

She has an Alexa and we can set up a TV with Netflix.

Does anyone know about diffusers like this:

www.amazon.co.uk/Neom-Wellbeing-Essential-Diffuser-Fragrance/dp/B089MC1V78/ref=sr_1_1_sspa?keywords=diffuser&th=1&spLa=ZW5jcnlwdGVkUXVhbGlmaWVyPUFFSzVCT1cxQjBBRFomZW5jcnlwdGVkSWQ9QTAwNTI5NDczNlBLOVVRRDJGVjFJJmVuY3J5cHRlZEFkSWQ9QTAxMjc4OTgxWUNBNzJWR0ZDMDUmd2lkZ2V0TmFtZT1zcF9hdGYmYWN0aW9uPWNsaWNrUmVkaXJlY3QmZG9Ob3RMb2dDbGljaz10cnVl&tag=mumsnetforu03-21&qid=1636725694&sr=8-1-spons

Are they worth the money? Any better suggestions? I'm thinking the room might become a bit fuggy...

It's all super sad but just trying to think of things she will appreciate.
Thanks for any ideas.

A nice blanket or cushion?
Hand cream
Spacemasks are lovely (heated eye masks)

What about fresh flowers every few weeks. You could ask a local florist and arrange dates. Bulbs in a bowl as well as fresh flowers. I would love that if I was ill.
Audio books so she can listen with her eyes closed.
Luxury covered hot water bottle.
Photographs - family members.
CD of favourite music and a remote controlled CD player with a radio.
A luxury blanket.
Good quality bedding, sheets I bought my mum some Sheridan bedding. It is lovely to sleep in.

I am sorry to hear about your darling mum. I lost my mum it is really hard. Time just sitting together sometimes is enough.

A digital photo frame - or can you already run a slide show of family photos on the tv?

A hot water bottle, lovely blanket, pyjamas?

When my Mom was terminally ill, I bought her a bottle of her favourite perfume. She cried when I gave it her, and wore some every day. After she passed, I kept the rest and spray some from time to time when I need a bit of comfort.

Fresh flowers; music CDs, aromatherapy oil which you can massage into her hands.

Tesco currently have ladies fleece-lined socks which are absolute bliss (I'm wearing some right now). Incredibly soft cosy and light.

A family member was in a similar position- we had a photo cushion made with pics of some family who couldn’t be with us. Was a bit like a hug.
I would second nice flowers.

Sorry to hear this.
On This Morning today they demonstrated a spray mist by La Roche Posay for people to freshen up and cleanse who has restricted movement/ illness.
Xx

Lip balm
Beautifully scented hand and body cream
Real bath sponge
Some of her favourite sweets/choc/alcohol
Fruit
Music

Some lovely ideas here. Thank you all for replying.

When my MIL was in the hospice and celebrating her birthday (she died just six days later) we bought her a beautiful silk shawl in her favourite colour which she loved to touch. She would lie with it under her head or stroking it on her lap.

Or to dress up her bed when visitors came round.

I think my SIL now treasures it.

@Nemorth

When my MIL was in the hospice and celebrating her birthday (she died just six days later) we bought her a beautiful silk shawl in her favourite colour which she loved to touch. She would lie with it under her head or stroking it on her lap.

Or to dress up her bed when visitors came round.

I think my SIL now treasures it.

That's a beautiful thought

@Nemorth

When my MIL was in the hospice and celebrating her birthday (she died just six days later) we bought her a beautiful silk shawl in her favourite colour which she loved to touch. She would lie with it under her head or stroking it on her lap.

Or to dress up her bed when visitors came round.

I think my SIL now treasures it.

I've just teared up at this. That's so lovely x

I'm so sorry your mum's unwell

As PP said, a luxury item like a shawl, scarf or a blanket would be something she can enjoy without effort

I have an aroma diffuser from Oliver Bonas and have purchased one for a relative for christmas- they're wonderful and very soothing especially with lavender scents to help with sleep.

It may sound silly but fairy lights or a salt lamp might be helpful as a night light for her or to have on in the evenings, especially if she needs care or checks in the night it means the lights don't all need to be turned on.

Some pamper items like hand cream, nail polish, face masks and face wipes might help her feel a bit fresher and ready for visitors.

Fresh flowers or houseplants by the window help if she's stuck inside.

Bath or shower products if she can manage it- L'occitane and Neal's Yard have some lovely bath oils that will help if she has dry or sore skin. If she can't manage anything but bed baths they can be used in a bowl of warm water for just her hands and arms.

You can get tray/desk things on wheels that slide over the bed- she might find those helpful for meals or any activities she can manage. She could keep snacks and drinks on it too if that's more accessible. www.aids4mobility.co.uk/over-bed-table-with-castors.html this is just an example.

We're here if you need any more ideas or advice x

What about a beautiful soft wrap from Turtle Doves recycled cashmere

Ultrasonic diffusers are fantastic. The Muji ones are great quality but half the price or the Estaban (JL stock them) diffusers are more decorative for a similar price to Neom (which are also excellent). Muji also do a waterless travel diffuser that might be better as she can refill it herself in bed without needing to get to a tap.

www.muji.eu/pages/online.asp?PID=4983&qclr=5055321374953
www.esteban.fr/en/15-mist-diffusers
www.muji.eu/pages/online.asp?PID=10260&qclr=4550002494063

How about silk pillowcases? A cashmere bed jacket or cardigan? Audible credits to use with Alexa? You could set up the library with books she would enjoy if you don't think she will be up to searching herself. Does she have the Alexa with a screen? If not, they are great for video calling.

A flower subscription would be lovely but someone would need to arrange them. It might be better to regularly send her pre-arranged flowers in a vase or hand tied bouquets that can go straight in to water.

My DF liked miracle berries when he was going through chemo and his taste was altered. They make sour foods taste sweet.

Can you plant some hyacinth and indoor narcissi so she can see them bloom?
Is there anywhere you can put a bird feeder so she can see it through a window?

Some gentle music tunes, aged appropriate for oldies, good for bringing back memories.. Even a little fluffy toy, if she has ever had a dog or cat in her life.. I wouldn't give any smelly type of room fresheners, as some people are affected by the aromas of some of them. when older.

I had an auntie in the same situation as your Mum years ago, she was also bedridden with a terminal illness,, But she always used to write a lot of letters to family throughout her life,, and I bought her a nice notebook and some pens, and she still use to jot down things from her memory, and notes to peolple, whilst in bed, and very poorly..

I still have her notebook. with some of her thoughts written down, a couiple of weeks before she died.

@LastResponder

When my Mom was terminally ill, I bought her a bottle of her favourite perfume. She cried when I gave it her, and wore some every day. After she passed, I kept the rest and spray some from time to time when I need a bit of comfort.

That is such a beautiful idea and lovely you then had it for comfort

I’m so sorry to hear about your mum. A diffuser is a really good idea with a fresh scent like peppermint or another scent that she likes. A blanket is a lovely idea, also a radio and perhaps hand cream so you can give her some nice hand and foot massages. If you’re into them, some crystals are also a nice idea like rose quartz for example to place by her bedside.

My father died recently. Right up until the end or even nearly he enjoyed listening to audio books, especially books he knew well, like Sherlock Holmes and Georgette Heyer (in his case). He didn't eat much at all for the last few weeks but he still really enjoyed sucking his favourite sweets - I managed to find wine gums, Rowntrees fruit gums and old fashioned hard toffee (which you have to smash with a hammer) for him and he really enjoyed this in his final weeks, he's always and a sweet tooth and I expect these had childhood associations for him as well. A local specialist sweetshop were very helpful when I explained he could no longer really eat. There might be something like that your mum likes which you could get in in advance? Or favourite drinks too, as people can enjoy sipping a drink we'll after they no longer really have any interest in eating.

Good luck. It's a tough thing to go through but it was also a precious time. I had some good conversations with my father in the last weeks, both on my own behalf and on behalf of my mother who found it hard to initiate them, and by the time he died (at home as he had wanted) there was nothing left that I wish I had said.

@LastResponder

When my Mom was terminally ill, I bought her a bottle of her favourite perfume. She cried when I gave it her, and wore some every day. After she passed, I kept the rest and spray some from time to time when I need a bit of comfort.

That's lovely to hear

We bought my MIL a heated blanket for her last christmas, a lovely velvet one as she had terrible pain, and although she was on morphine the blanket was also very comfortable for her to have against her back, or over her in bed.

Cashmere M&S zip hoodie - snuggly and easy to get on and off when mobility is low.

Sending

@kalidasa

My father died recently. Right up until the end or even nearly he enjoyed listening to audio books, especially books he knew well, like Sherlock Holmes and Georgette Heyer (in his case). He didn't eat much at all for the last few weeks but he still really enjoyed sucking his favourite sweets - I managed to find wine gums, Rowntrees fruit gums and old fashioned hard toffee (which you have to smash with a hammer) for him and he really enjoyed this in his final weeks, he's always and a sweet tooth and I expect these had childhood associations for him as well. A local specialist sweetshop were very helpful when I explained he could no longer really eat. There might be something like that your mum likes which you could get in in advance? Or favourite drinks too, as people can enjoy sipping a drink we'll after they no longer really have any interest in eating.

Good luck. It's a tough thing to go through but it was also a precious time. I had some good conversations with my father in the last weeks, both on my own behalf and on behalf of my mother who found it hard to initiate them, and by the time he died (at home as he had wanted) there was nothing left that I wish I had said.

That’s so lovely. Sorry about your loss.

I would find something she loves and that brings back memories for her. Also some of her favourite flowers 😁