Gift ideas for terminally ill Mum

[33goingon64]

My DM is just starting end of life care, with an expectancy of a few months. She'll be at home, but by Christmas I would imagine she'll be largely in bed in one room - so I'm thinking of ideas for presents that will cheer her up and make the room a bit nicer.

Thoughts so far: snuggly socks, reed diffuser or similar... and there I ran out of ideas. I don't think she'll be able to read much by then and may not be able to hold on to awkward or heavy things.

She has an Alexa and we can set up a TV with Netflix.

Does anyone know about diffusers like this:

www.amazon.co.uk/Neom-Wellbeing-Essential-Diffuser-Fragrance/dp/B089MC1V78/ref=sr_1_1_sspa?keywords=diffuser&th=1&spLa=ZW5jcnlwdGVkUXVhbGlmaWVyPUFFSzVCT1cxQjBBRFomZW5jcnlwdGVkSWQ9QTAwNTI5NDczNlBLOVVRRDJGVjFJJmVuY3J5cHRlZEFkSWQ9QTAxMjc4OTgxWUNBNzJWR0ZDMDUmd2lkZ2V0TmFtZT1zcF9hdGYmYWN0aW9uPWNsaWNrUmVkaXJlY3QmZG9Ob3RMb2dDbGljaz10cnVl&tag=mumsnetforu03-21&qid=1636725694&sr=8-1-spons

Are they worth the money? Any better suggestions? I'm thinking the room might become a bit fuggy...

It's all super sad but just trying to think of things she will appreciate.
Thanks for any ideas.

My friend was terminally ill and I used to go to visit her at home. She was bedridden and so i used to take some really nice oil (think Clarins) and massage her face, hands and feet. She always used to fall asleep because it relaxed her so much. I would also burn a lovely smelling candle while doing her massage.

I am so sorry to hear about your Mum

I have nothing further to add to the amazing list of things above. I have diffusers but generic ones off Amazon but I do have Neom scents. They can be quite strong but you can put less drops in and set it so that it isn't continuous but instead the intermittent puffs of mist. The digital photo frame is great especially if hooked up to wifi and you can send pics remotely to it too.

But maybe you could also have something for you. I always thought that when given a terminal diagnosis that my Mum would have time to write a letter to each of us telling us how proud she was of us etc which she verbally told us all the time but by the time her diagnosis came she was already quite ill. I wonder if your Mum could write something for you now to treasure later on.

My mum also appreciated nice notebooks and packs of pens

She wrote everything down in them. She had always been a person for lists but at the end she wrote all kinds of things eg what the latest thing was the Dr had said, who called and when, thoughts about things we might need to know when she was gone and just random thoughts and memories. I think it helped her feel more in control as her concentration wasn't always good

I have kept them but can't look at them yet but one day I will.

Oh also - though more for you than her maybe - see if you can elicit memories. A couple of months before my Dad died DS1 was doing a school project about WW2 which my Dad remembered and we asked him some questions about what it was like to be a little boy in London during the war. He produced several anecdotes and memories which actually I'd never heard before! I wrote them down for DS and it was a precious thing. I think it is quite common that people at the end of their life can access / recall quite distant memories particularly vividly and there is something very moving (and also quite bittersweet) about finding out new things about someone / hearing new memories at that late stage.

@33goingon64 I’m sorry to hear about your Mum. Some lovely ideas on here, I hope you find the perfect presents.

Best wishes to you, your Mum, and family xx

Im so sorry to hear about your mum, my mum spent a few weeks at home similarly before she died. I think an ultrasonic diffuser is lovely - I have the John Lewis one, and it subtly changes colour which is quite nice too. I buy the fragrance oils from The White Company and the house smells like a spa. I have 'retreat' which is particularly lovely. They also do one called Winter which is a lovely scent of all things Christmassy - cinnamon, and orange. Sensory things are things that your mum can enjoy even if she is just resting. I also splashed out and bought my mum some nice White Company pj's which were super soft and made her feel special. My heart goes out to you. Take care of yourself too.

Her favourite book from childhood? Super soft nightie.
When my Mum had her last birthday, I suggested she might like to buy the family little gifts. She loved it, gave everyone up to £50.00 , got whatever they wanted, and we brought them in for her to see. I got a string of pearls. Still love them.

A photo book? With all the photos you didn't bother printing off but maybe have on Facebook or on your phone. Some nice goodies to eat always went down well with my dm when she wasn't well (she never lost her appetite!)

So sorry OP. My mum just wanted a fan . I see that you get ones that you can use with a water spray, nice and refreshing when needed

My mum died a week after her 52nd birthday. In the long momth preceding I tried to make days like birthdays because we didn't think she'd make it. While she was still able, hired a wheelchair to go to beautiful places she lived, like the seaside. She enjoyed perfume that the loved and gentle foot or hand massages. Just being together was important to her thirty years later I take comfort from the little things she enjoyed

Neom is lovely- quite natural. Their bath foam is amazing too. They also do nice sprays.
Other ideas - nice soap, white co have nice gifts, Valentte, clairins, book on CD, flowers, plants.

Sorry about your mum.

A sun lamp like the ones you get for seasonal affective disorder may be good. If she is less able to go outside getting the sort of light she’d get from being out in the sunlight may be comforting. Thinking of you, your mum and the difficult time this is for you.

I'm so sorry you are losing your mum.

My mum has dementia and is in a home. I have bought her one of these and she loves it.

www.amazon.co.uk/Mini-Jelly-Fish-Tank-Round/dp/B00UNNUG58/ref=sr_1_3_sspa?smid=AV1ITT8I8S7J4&psc=1&crid=GXSJYWK0BY2&keywords=jellyfish+lamp&sprefix=jelly+fish+lam%2Caps%2C165&spLa=ZW5jcnlwdGVkUXVhbGlmaWVyPUEzQUpSV0tFUkE3QkwzJmVuY3J5cHRlZElkPUEwNTE0MTQ2MjQxN0tPS0NYOUFEJmVuY3J5cHRlZEFkSWQ9QTAxNjE0MzgxVUVKTlk3WEQ4Rzk4JndpZGdldE5hbWU9c3BfYXRmJmFjdGlvbj1jbGlja1JlZGlyZWN0JmRvTm90TG9nQ2xpY2s9dHJ1ZQ==&tag=mumsnetforu03-21&qid=1636739586&sr=8-3-spons

For her birthday I bought her one of these and am collecting greetings from friends and family. It is very light if she struggles to hold a tablet.

Also what about a cushion to hold a tablet?

Sorry forgot the link for the card/brochure

www.amazon.co.uk/Greeting-Playtime-Bridesmaid-Christmas-Birthdays/dp/B09J8WK2JK/ref=sr_1_1_sspa?psc=1&crid=LKZQY2OC82J3&keywords=video+brochure+card&sprefix=video++broc%2Caps%2C162&spLa=ZW5jcnlwdGVkUXVhbGlmaWVyPUExRk9WQ1dMSldOQVg0JmVuY3J5cHRlZElkPUEwNTM2NzY5REhDUDYwT1ZTWjY0JmVuY3J5cHRlZEFkSWQ9QTA1MjMyNjEyT1ExQkY2NDAzMFNUJndpZGdldE5hbWU9c3BfYXRmJmFjdGlvbj1jbGlja1JlZGlyZWN0JmRvTm90TG9nQ2xpY2s9dHJ1ZQ==&tag=mumsnetforu03-21&qid=1636739981&sr=8-1-spons

Some lovely ideas here, my suggestions already covered. Just wanted to send you & your family best wishes.

So sorry to hear this. ❤️❤️❤️
What about:
Lovely bed socks?
A nice water bottle? (I know a friend's mum struggled with drinking)
A hand cream?
Some pillow spray?
A lovely candle you could light every time you visit (then you can remember time with her for years to come when you burn it again in future ) - something nice for both of you! I've just recently bought some gorgeous candles from www.inbloomandco.com I bought the bundle of three for friends for Xmas but I'm going to have to treat myself too.
A nice dressing gown?
Sippers
A memory book and put lots of pictures in it over the years for you to show her and reminisce ?

I hope this helps and sending lots of love xxxx

Hi, I can’t add anything to the fantastic ideas already suggested and I’m sorry to hear about the situation. It’s lovely to know that she’ll have a ‘fantastic’ EOL and be well looked after. I hope you know what I mean.

A cashmere blanket.

So sorry you are all going through this. To answer your question I have a Neom diffuser and love, love, love it. I use mine every day.

You're all so kind, thank you.

Pretty nighties with snap shoulders if you anticipate that she will need IVs at home later on. I know they are available, but you'll have to do some searching.

I love all these snuggly ideas. Perhaps an album of special moments together? you can go through it with her, talk through it, talk about her special meals or touches, remind her she's is loved and is living behind a family filled with and enriched by her love

Silk pillowcases
Hyacinths
A lavender stick to roll on pressure points.
A recorded message from close family members
Music she liked when sh was young
The greatest gift of all will be regular short visits, never let a day go by without at least one.

A nightlight with a soft glow or stars? Or maybe a projector type.
Lots of lovely ideas above.

I am so sorry to hear this and send you and your Mum lots of love. This is one of the most moving threads I've ever read on Mumsnet and the ideas people are coming up with are so fantastic. Good luck x