Gift ideas for terminally ill Mum

[33goingon64]

My DM is just starting end of life care, with an expectancy of a few months. She'll be at home, but by Christmas I would imagine she'll be largely in bed in one room - so I'm thinking of ideas for presents that will cheer her up and make the room a bit nicer.

Thoughts so far: snuggly socks, reed diffuser or similar... and there I ran out of ideas. I don't think she'll be able to read much by then and may not be able to hold on to awkward or heavy things.

She has an Alexa and we can set up a TV with Netflix.

Does anyone know about diffusers like this:

www.amazon.co.uk/Neom-Wellbeing-Essential-Diffuser-Fragrance/dp/B089MC1V78/ref=sr_1_1_sspa?keywords=diffuser&th=1&spLa=ZW5jcnlwdGVkUXVhbGlmaWVyPUFFSzVCT1cxQjBBRFomZW5jcnlwdGVkSWQ9QTAwNTI5NDczNlBLOVVRRDJGVjFJJmVuY3J5cHRlZEFkSWQ9QTAxMjc4OTgxWUNBNzJWR0ZDMDUmd2lkZ2V0TmFtZT1zcF9hdGYmYWN0aW9uPWNsaWNrUmVkaXJlY3QmZG9Ob3RMb2dDbGljaz10cnVl&tag=mumsnetforu03-21&qid=1636725694&sr=8-1-spons

Are they worth the money? Any better suggestions? I'm thinking the room might become a bit fuggy...

It's all super sad but just trying to think of things she will appreciate.
Thanks for any ideas.

I love the story about the beautiful silk scarf.
I would also do a fresh flower subscription. It’s such a luxury, and flowers really add such a lovely touch to a room.

I’d worry about diffusers making a room smelly, and feeling trapped in a smelly room, if she’s only able to live in one room.

I’m sorry to hear about your mum, it sounds like you love her very much.

A window bird feeder is a great idea, @inflatableseahorses.

www.littlefieldsfarm.com/rspb-window-feeder?gclid=CjwKCAiAvriMBhAuEiwA8Cs5lTMrque3ET4JERUce92so9Dhd0rb7TExdX2SI2Q-ThXIbXJO7Sx8KxoCVC8QAvD_BwE

For my Dmil we bought a beautiful cashmere stole from www.audreykate.co.uk and pretty fairy lights for her room. Before Christmas we let the children decorate a little tree for her while she gave directions, good time had by all and the kids cherish the memory. . She also loved having a digital photo frame filled with happy memories, favourite sweets and perfume.

a mobile that you hand from the ceiling - you can get nice wooden ones. they are very peaceful (not windchimes)

So sorry to read this, crying in fact.
Nice hand soap, lip balm.
Generally just her fav things. I love audio books so if she is into reading but can no longer hold a book they are great.
Lots of pictures.
As someone said Alexa with the screen, I have recently got one, you don't have to hold it up when you voice call some one. So as long as it is positioned at a good angle she can just tell it who to call.
Snuggly things.
Do you have an open fire? If not or it is too inconvenient how about a flame effect fire place? www.screwfix.ie/p/black-electric-stove-fire/1499P?gclid=CjwKCAiAvriMBhAuEiwA8Cs5lbzi-SPsP6eHX2JWw2izlMHXHWKQSXzKji4gVAnVuPkqr0fn0ebFwBoCeaUQAvD_BwE&gclsrc=aw.ds
Does she like makeup? Her fav lippy maybe?
Get her nice nail polish.
Nice oils which you can rub into her hand and feet.
If she likes a drink a bottle of her favourite
I think most importantly the best gift you can give them is your time. When my DGG (who raised me) was towards the end we watched the horses and I places v v small bets on pretty much each race. Just make the most of your time. I know I didn't, I was young (not a child or anything but early 20s) and didn't really appreciate exactly how sick she was and that time is finite.

I so feel for you OP, i was in the same situation last year but it was my lovely sister that was dying. She began to talk a lot about our darling mum who had dies many years before, she kept saying how she wished mum was here to give her a hug. I bought here a photo blanket of our mum so she could be wrapped up in one of mum's hug's.

If she loves reading get her an audible subscription - my mum couldn’t hold her kindle towards the end but loved books.
An idea I’d wished we had time for was to get her ghost writer to write down her life, remember all the best bits and give her the opportunity to put it all down for her grandkids. It’s pricey but there are some great packages out there www.bookofmylife.co.uk/?gclid=CjwKCAiAvriMBhAuEiwA8Cs5lahdbCh5Z3R-TA3Max8b4T8xA3pAeHQGYotEPXL6IqO8yTbieFWCARoC6hoQAvD_BwE#copy-of-home

@33goingon64, so sorry to hear about your mum.
What wonderful suggestions so far. I love the idea of the silk shawl; also a cashmere/silk pashmina might be nice for colder days, or nighttime.

Perhaps some comfortable, jersey loungewear/nightwear, which is breathable and won’t rub (less risk of bedsores too). Plenty so that she can change often. There are some lovely silk/viscose/ merino jersey options:
www.sulis.co.uk/silk/Silk_Jersey_Nightwear.html

m.patra.com/products/GVNN/womens-silk-jersey-and-lace-nightdress

This last company does a bit more modern styles. The shorts might be more comfortable than wearing pants in bed, and give a bit more coverage under a nightie if out of bed; would be ok with pads if needed. There are lovely matching headbands, scrunchies and pyjama bottoms too.

Sorry forgot to post last link:

dagsmejan.com/collections/women-dagsmejan/night-dress

Also another vote for the diffuser and essential oils, so refreshing, yet comforting.

This thread would be so useful for anyone recovering from an illness/surgery too.

Weekly fresh flowers, a home visit from a beauty therapist to massage her hands and fo her nails and hair - as much for the petting and attention as giving her the chance to feel beautiful.

REALLY comfy pyjamas or dressing gown.

Love the idea of soft nightlights above.

Maybe a sort of mini drinks station by her bed with amazing snacks and a tiny fridge so she can make herself tea and something to eat if she wakes up during the night without having to drag herself to the kitchen. I had that when dd2 was born & it was amazing!

I'm overwhelmed by these brilliant suggestions. A few I've actioned already and have made a list of others. I'll share the ideas with my siblings too. Thanks again to you all.

I'm so sorry to hear about your mum. There is a company called Vallente that offer room diffusers, room sprays and candles. They arrive beautifully boxed and I do believe that they have an offer on atm.
Enjoy your time together as a family. 💐

A heated throw might be nice. Also a musical biscuit tin if you think she'd enjoy listening to it. A V pillow to get comfy in bed.

Scented candles?

Sorry meant to say - sending best wishes for what must be a difficult time.

@inflatableseahorses

Can you plant some hyacinth and indoor narcissi so she can see them bloom? Is there anywhere you can put a bird feeder so she can see it through a window?

You can get bird feeders that stick onto the window pane.

Light, easily digested meals, snacks, drinks. As pp said, things like old-fashioned sweets give a bit of energy and keep the mouth hydrated.
Small ice lollies are good.
Depending on your mum’s preferences, little treats like a lovely cup or mug and teapot and fancy cakes/pastries for afternoon tea. Perhaps a pretty travel mug, which will keep drinks hot/cold and be easier to drink from. Selection of lovely chocolates.
A cocktail shaker and glass? That could be a bit of fun and glamour to have a drink each evening. (even if it’s weak or non- alcoholic), depending on medication of course. I would be enjoying the freedom to have a stiff drink if it were me.

Meant to say. Best wishes to you and your Mum. You sound like a very loving family.

We made my mum some beautiful photo books of family memories to look at which she loved when she was dying

She still enjoyed her Kindle for a long time and then Audiobooks and playlists of favourite music. We got her a nice quality digital radio/ music player and a new iPad so she could still FaceTime from her bed.

She definitely appreciated nice pyjamas, fluffy socks and bed jackets. She found nightshirts more comfortable than PJs in the end because of having to have a catheter and being swollen.

Also still loved having a manicure for a long time with nice hand cream and polish.

She was eating very little by the end and her tastes would vary and be a bit odd so we had to play it by ear what she liked eg went off chocolate completely but liked fruit gums a lot and elderflower cordial.

Oh yes fresh flowers for her windowsill and a heated blanket were other good things.
She would get very cold and had to have a lot of heating.
Also a v shaped cushion and wedge cushion to help her sit up and a tray table.

I'm so sorry to hear this, OP. How about some nice pillows/pillowcases or pyjamas? Theirnibs do some lovely night wear at the moment, great quality and prints. Best wishes to you both.

When my mum's friend was at EOL they got washing lines and fair lights and strung them up from the ceiling with photos and pictures pegged on. Also got her a bubble machine which she loved, ditto cheap strips colour changing lights.

Haven't RTFT but does she have an Alexa or similar with an audible subscription.

A good lip balm, really soft blanket, nibbly bits and bobs she can pick at (if she can eat) .

Insulated cup to keep hot drinks warm so she doesn't have to drink up so quickly

Rather than chemical smells from diffusers or candles what about potted hyacinths?

When my dad was end of life he loved listening over and over to his favourite recordings. He wasn't up to anything new. He wasn't able to enjoy eating or drinking.
I got a digital picture frame uploaded with family photos that you just plug in and it constantly changed through photos old and new.

For my dads last Christmas I got a DNA profile done of my parents rescue dog who they had always wondered exactly what mix he was, the results were completely unexpected and dad had great fun googling, from his bed, all the many different breeds his dog was made up of.

When I got married, when dad was terminally ill, I gifted my parents and my brother a photo book covering from my parents wedding to date. It did take a lot of effort and a huge amount of sneaking around 'borrowing' photos to scan, but it was a popular gift and I think helped me deal with what was going on with my dad's diagnosis and terminal illness.