Gift ideas for terminally ill Mum

[33goingon64]

My DM is just starting end of life care, with an expectancy of a few months. She'll be at home, but by Christmas I would imagine she'll be largely in bed in one room - so I'm thinking of ideas for presents that will cheer her up and make the room a bit nicer.

Thoughts so far: snuggly socks, reed diffuser or similar... and there I ran out of ideas. I don't think she'll be able to read much by then and may not be able to hold on to awkward or heavy things.

She has an Alexa and we can set up a TV with Netflix.

Does anyone know about diffusers like this:

www.amazon.co.uk/Neom-Wellbeing-Essential-Diffuser-Fragrance/dp/B089MC1V78/ref=sr_1_1_sspa?keywords=diffuser&th=1&spLa=ZW5jcnlwdGVkUXVhbGlmaWVyPUFFSzVCT1cxQjBBRFomZW5jcnlwdGVkSWQ9QTAwNTI5NDczNlBLOVVRRDJGVjFJJmVuY3J5cHRlZEFkSWQ9QTAxMjc4OTgxWUNBNzJWR0ZDMDUmd2lkZ2V0TmFtZT1zcF9hdGYmYWN0aW9uPWNsaWNrUmVkaXJlY3QmZG9Ob3RMb2dDbGljaz10cnVl&tag=mumsnetforu03-21&qid=1636725694&sr=8-1-spons

Are they worth the money? Any better suggestions? I'm thinking the room might become a bit fuggy...

It's all super sad but just trying to think of things she will appreciate.
Thanks for any ideas.

So many lovely ideas here - sending you lots of love and strength for the difficult journey ahead 💕. What about a digital photo frame with lots of happy memories for your mum to look at - some play music too to keep her spirits up x

IDK whether PP's have suggested it (probably) but you can get the things that play sounds such as a brook, waves, etc depending which you choose.

I have one, and one of the light projector things too, which also has sounds if someone chooses to put them on. I don't use these @33goingon64 and they're pretty much new, bought this year and used about twice (nothing wrong with them I just didn't happen to use them) if you want them just send me a PM.

Other things PP have probably said- maybe some essential oils if she likes, or a proper lavender pillow. Comfy slippers if needed.

Thank you to those who replied today with lovely suggestions. I've been quite busy so just looking at them now. Hoping she will be coming home on Monday so lots to prepare. Thanks again.

So sorry to hear about your mum.

Have you seen the personalised photo blankets, most online photo companies sell them.

I love the personalisd photo blankets, we had one personalised for my mother in law in lockdowns, all she wanted to do was cuddle the kids. So we had her own blanket made with pictures of the kids on.

@me4real

IDK whether PP's have suggested it (probably) but you can get the things that play sounds such as a brook, waves, etc depending which you choose.

I have one, and one of the light projector things too, which also has sounds if someone chooses to put them on. I don't use these @33goingon64 and they're pretty much new, bought this year and used about twice (nothing wrong with them I just didn't happen to use them) if you want them just send me a PM.

Other things PP have probably said- maybe some essential oils if she likes, or a proper lavender pillow. Comfy slippers if needed.

Thanks for the kind offer. I'll consider that.

We also had plans for special fun things that my mum could look forwards to, planned around her level of ability to get out/ do things.

That was very heartening, as we could enjoy planning for them and then relish remembering them.

It made her feel as though she was still participating in life rather than waiting to die.

Our last Christmas together was very special.

I was quite shameless and bought my parents things I liked. Her dementia meant she became a bit of a magpie and liked brightly coloured things, so a Murano glass vase was perfect. It could sit on her window sill and the sun shone through. Ditto we bought my dad some Emma Bridgewater mugs with a picture that had meaning for him. And now I have both the mugs and vase, made more special because my parents enjoyed them.

When my grandma was passing and couldn’t move from the bed we filled the room with blue hyacinths- they have a lovely smell and are nice and bright. I’m not sure but maybe you can get them at this time of year. I still think of her every time I see them.

My Mum used to like having her legs and feet massaged when she was end of live. How about some lovely smelling lotion rub on her?

Love the idea of a lavendar pillow, my Mum would have loved that.

My last suggestion would her favourite drink, I remember my Mum being offered a glass of wine at the hospice and she was like oh am I allowed to drink and the nurse said Mrs Heifer you can have whatever you like (she wasn't much of a drink but loved the idea) :-)

Oh OP my heart goes out to you - I know what it's like to have a terminally ill mum.

My mum was given a small pretty carafe (for water) and 2 matching, small glasses which looked pretty and cheerful beside her chair and latterly her bed.

She went through a phase of enjoying boiled sweets - some medications dry out your mouth so she had a cute dish with sweets in it, which was nice for her and nice for her to offer visitors (of all ages) too.

Obviously this might be completely off the wall impractical but would she enjoy/have space for fish in a tank maybe?

If she's spending a lot of time in a chair rather than a bed, a pouffe might be nice for her to put her feet on, or for other people to sit on, pulled right up close to her bed/chair.

Love all these ideas. Hyacinths are a wonderful way to cheer up a winter's day even when you're well. I also love the glass of wine idea. Mum says she's determined to go out cheerfully so I think the odd glass of red or a g&t might be appropriate!

Haven’t rtft but one of those digital photo frames that takes a usb, upload lots of family pics and it does a constant slow slideshow of them

I was going to suggest fairy lights but it has already been mentioned. My mum loved her laser twilight projector, but it wasn't cheap.

www.menkind.co.uk/laser-star-projector-laser-cosmos?utm_content=Laser+Cosmos+Projector+-+Laser+Twilight&utm_source=google&utm_medium=organic&utm_campaign=organicshopping&gclid=Cj0KCQiAhMOMBhDhARIsAPVml-HrzeYAE_utMtETaOI2iihXt6DYVAxIO3fjYnDKiSI-cfhxtPIMSdUaAl5uEALw_wcB

My mum also had a selection of small wine bottles in the hospice.

Things to offer to visitors such as chocolates and biscuits are nice.

A small fridge in the bedroom stocked with drinks and snacks and a coffee pod machine so she can have a drink whenever, even if someone is making the drinks for her it means she has company that she wouldn't get if someone was in the kitchen.

Oh and ice-cream, my mum devoured icecream and ice lollies.

Nice bed linen is another thing she might appreciate.

Oh and I know this is about presents but I'd like to give you a tip, towards the end my mum wasn't always continent, my dad would take her soiled nightgown and wash it at home (he didn't have to but wanted to), but the hospice told him to put the nightie in the washer still in the plastic carrier bag he took it home in, the nightie comes out of the bag in the wash so you are not handling bodily fluids.

IDK whether PP's have suggested it (probably) but you can get the things that play sounds such as a brook, waves, etc depending which you choose.

OP try the Alexa your mum already has, I love the thunderstorm noises and I'm sure there are others. Alexa can also read a kindle book.

What about a cushion with an imprinted photo of you/family/grandchildren? My FIL was in a care home with Dementia and we gave him the cushion of his grandchildren and he held onto it everyday and even talked to it with a beaming smile on his face.

Best wishes to you and your lovely Mum.
Someone must be cooking onions somewhere....💐

My MIL was in hospital for her last Christmas and we got her a cushion with pics of the grandkids on it to hold them close.

A metal dream catcher (available from most garden centres) to hang from a curtain tack or pinned to the ceiling to catch a draft?

I'm so sorry, OP

It was all about soft, comfortable things for my Mum - a cosy dressing gown, soft nightdresses, even practical things like good quality cotton underwear. And she loved her fluffy socks.

Agree with lip balm, possibly unflavoured if she's finding it hard to drink anything. And even things like the nicest tissues you can buy. Comfort as much as possible.

You can google 'Things to ask your Mother' which I done with my Mum not long before she passed.
There are questions like what is your favourite childhood memory and what did you like about school etc. I typed her answers on an Ipad but you could also record it as your Mum talks. Its a lovely way to find out things which you would never think to ask and also brings back nice memories for your Mum.
Warm wishes at this very difficult and sad time.