Forced to have the dog or go on holiday and fall out with everyone

[Ilovechoc12]

Hi,

We are large family (6 people - 4 kids under 10) and my dad owns a naughty yap dog that’s not well trained - treated better than the queen and it behaves like a cat hates going out in rain and doesn’t like going outside in bad weather/ rain. It’s a very ott precious well looked after dog. Very old and can be grumpy

They don’t trust this dog with anyone and kennels are the worst thing ever (according to them). So those two things are out the window. They are travelling 250 miles to be around their 3 children all live close to London. Only I’m the suitable candidate to have the dog as my sister has a dog (so precious can’t go there) brother is in the non friendly hotel.

The dog will want to go upstairs, sit on sofas and winge a lot. It’s not well trained as my dad just sits with it constantly. I’ve just had new carpets and is known to piss on carpets at times (but that’s because he’s old or marking his area but he won’t do it again 🤪🤪🤪 )

My boy has the stupid 11 plus at Xmas otherwise we would jump on a plane.

I do want a Christmas with my family and no dog

My mum has booked into a non dog friendly hotel and decided to dump the dog on me. Actually without her asking me only until I asked what is the dog doing she said o can u have it 😡😡😡.

However my 4 kids like the dog and like seeing everyone at Xmas (20 people) with all the cousins and aunty etc …. Over the Xmas season - so I have that to consider

So do you for 4 days over Xmas -

1. Accept the dog and have to get up at 6:30 to walk the dog and I absolutely hate picking up poo. It could piss anywhere down stairs. It’s barks like crazy if there are any birds / cats / fireworks in the night too.

1. Make someone stay in a dog friendly hotel. Which my mother is adamant she is staying in a particular hotel she’s booked which doesn’t allow dogs. So my dad would be by himself with the dog so this will cause friction

1. Piss off out of the country on holiday and have a massive bust up. Only issue my boy has 11 plus after Xmas 🤪 so not sure how much work he should be doing 😬😬😬

It’s stressing me out - we don’t have a dog as we don’t want one and get dumped with this one 😡 but now I’m guilted into we looked after your kids a lot when they were younger so can you help us 😡😡😡😡

What would you do?

Thank you xxxxx

Can you crate the dog overnight? I don't have dogs so don't really know.

I have cats and a dog owner friend came to stay with her dogs. She hadn't asked beforehand. That was an issue as one of my cats hates dogs and would try and go for it, the other one is terrified of them! She had to do a last minute call around of local kennels as my house wasn't an option.

I wouldn’t have the dog unless your dad was staying to look after it. Can you double up the kids on air beds? At least then you’re not the one walking it at 6am & picking up the poo.

Don’t let the dog upstairs if it has to sleep with your dad, then he can have an air bed or sofa downstairs too.

It is their dog and therefore their problem and very selfish of them to expect to dump it on you so that they don't have to deal with it.

You need to stick up for yourself and just say no it is not staying here. All they have to do is change hotels. There are obviously underlying issues with the dog for your mother if she is refusing to move.

Dig not allowed in living room/ upstairs, lots of garden time ( kids can wrap up and play out), crate at night. Tell your mum the rules ( she'll probably decide precious is better off elsewhere).

I love dogs but I wouldn't take one to be looked after under those circumstances.

I realise that the 11+ is an important set of exams. My question to you @Ilovechoc12 is how has your son been getting on at school in general? Does he struggle with exams and does he need lots and lots of revision or study or does he manage well and doesn't need as much revision and study to pass exams? That would determine whether I would stay at home over Christmas and have to come up with an excuse or whether I would go away for Christmas and give the news to my very assuming parents as a done deal.

I wouldn't have the dog over Christmas, in the run up to Christmas or really at any time of the year until it is well trained and doesn't do the stuff you said it would most likely do.

Fuck that. Why should you be lumbered with an untrained, yappy and possibly pissing dog?
Someone else stays with it. End of.
Otherwise make clear that you will just piss off out of the country on holiday. Let people strop. It's not your problem.

I love dogs, me. But after decades of dogs I am all too aware of the impossibility of getting dog wee out of carpet.

Go on holiday and timetable "revision periods" with your lad where he does his stuff, you or his dad do something - dull paperwork, practice Spanish on DuoLingo, just something so he feels you're "doing homework" with him - and then go for a treat afterwards.

Stop trying to please everyone when they're not trying to please you. Respect your own boundaries.

Amen

No no no no no
It’s a dog and you don’t want it
Their problem, not yours
Shut the front door and don’t let it in!!
(I like dogs and currently have a house trained one staying for a few days - but it has reminded me why I’ll never have a dog of my own!!!)

Did they help you with childcare when your were little? I think family helps family out. This is days not months. I think you are in the right to be annoyed, but I am in the throw down towels camo and do a favor.

@AllTheCakes

In your shoes, I would tell my parents I’m not having the dog, it’s their responsibility and they didn’t bother to check with you.

I think @AllTheCakes has summed it up in one

You’ve made a decision not to have a dog, that means it’s not your responsibility.

Er, why? It's not the OP's dog.
The fact that the grandparents may have helped out with childcare is neither here nor there. Dogs are not children. They stink, drool, chew things and leave hair everywhere. I would go nuts if someone dumped a dog on me.

If they bring the dog with them, even to a dog-friendly place, they will not be likely to be able to leave the dog alone during the day. That means if they are visiting you (or either of your siblings) they would probably need to bring the dog with them when they do.

You need to say no, you are not having the dog, and make it clear if this needs to mean that the dog can visit, or that it is not going to be allowed into your house at all.

I would say that the best solution is for them to find somebody to dog sit at your parents house, but if they have already ruled this out it’s for them to find an alternative that doesn’t involve inconveniencing others

So your mum and dad will be staying in separate hotels if he is left with his dog?
Your mum is being VU to have booked a no dog hotel when they have a dog. Perhaps she is fed up with it yapping and pissing and wants to have a clean room for once?

IF you do end up keeping it, buy some doggy nappies for it to wear.
My DD has a tiny elderly yorkie and the old gent wears nappies.

Into kennels he goes, it is 4 days he will survive.

sorry not read all of this, but u have my sympathy as friend brought her lovely dog to stay with me, but that too was a pampered pooch. So did loads my dog isnt allowed to do - went upstairs/on sofa/on bed/expected food first/woke people up early. Its no good saying dog isnt allowed to do these things if its used to them as it will do them anyway. You cant retrain an old dog to behave in a matter of weeks.

As a minimum I would want one of your parents at your place to try and keep the thing under control, even if that meant they had to sleep on the sofa. It shouldnt be your responsibility

ok I am a total dog lover.
I'd probably have the dog if I hadn't got one.

BUT if I were you I'd get some advice from the school about revision and I'd be on that plane like shit off a shiny shovel

There are other alternatives to kennels. People have mentioned dog sitters etc. When we go away we use home boarders for our dog -circa a £20 -£25 a night and the dog stays with the home boarder in their house. There are plenty of people doing this these days, you dad could find a list of approved home boarders on local council website or ask for recommendations on a local FB group.

@Kokeshi123

You’ve made a decision not to have a dog, that means it’s not your responsibility.

Er, why? It's not the OP's dog.
The fact that the grandparents may have helped out with childcare is neither here nor there. Dogs are not children. They stink, drool, chew things and leave hair everywhere. I would go nuts if someone dumped a dog on me.

You and the poster you're arguing with are actually in agreement

the pampered pooch that visited us was lovely but their requirements took over the whole visit. That is what is going to happen to your christmas.

I would do three tbh.

Every day sit down with him for half an hour/an hour and do some work - apart from the Christmas celebrations obviously!

Last Christmas was awful, have the first 'normal' Christmas just for your family. You can spend next year dancing to everyone's tunes if you want, but they need to learn you can't automatically be relied upon at the expense of your own Christmas.

They didn't ask? Oh dear, well we've already booked to go away.

I would say no and if they sulk, fair enough.

@CatsOperatingInGangs

It’s not your dog. It’s not your responsibility to sort out its care. If you don’t want it in your house, just say no. It’s your home, you’re entitled to your boundaries.

This. I'm also going to add that as a dog owner who puts their dog into kennels when we go away, people who get a dog then refuse to do this piss me off - because (a) they then impose the dog on other people and (b) they have absolutely no emergency care in place for unforeseen circumstances.

I cannot be doing with the "Oh, I could never put my dog into kennels" mentality because it's ridiculous. Choose a good kennels and your dog will almost certainly love it - mine does, he trots in wagging his tail and doesn't look back at us and when we go to collect him he spends ages saying good bye to all the staff, having given us a cursory greeting.

They could get a dog sitter stays in their home with the dog.

Stays at yours, they pay for a dog Walker and you put baby gates up and confine the dog to downstairs and kitchen if your out.

2 not your dog = not your problem