Telling DC Father Christmas is not real (a safe space)

[nc1985]

Anyone else gone down this route, or are planning to go down this route, with their DC?

DH and I have decided not to play along with telling our 4yo and 2.5yo that Santa exists/brings the presents at Christmas.

Our 4yo understands mermaids and unicorns, for example, are pretend and that doesn't stop her enjoying playing with them, wearing unicorn-themed costumes etc. We think the same principle will apply with Christmas, that is our DC will enjoy the "magic" of Christmas without buying in to the whole story as fact.

I just wanted a safe place to chat with other mums who are thinking similar to us. Are you out there?

Not prepared to get flamed Go easy on me if you don't side with my opinion on Father Christmas/Santa.

@MrsBobDylan

What your parents did was very cruel op. Makes me think they were probably cruel in other ways too?

I am not too fussed about the Santa stuff (I found it a bit stressful) but my kids stopped believing fairly early. I certainly never used the shitty phrase 'believe to receive'.

I let my kids make up their own minds about stuff and answer questions when they have them. My eldest ds asked if Santa was real at 6 and I gave him a straight answer. He's fine.

"Believe to receive" 🤮

I'm not going to sit down them down and say "Hey kids, Santa isn't real"

That's literally what it says in your title so I think that's what people are reacting to.

Anyway, wishing you a Merry Christmas I'm sorry you feel a bit attacked, it was brave to post

I think obviously it's your choice what you do but I think it would be hard for them not to tell other children and ruin it for everyone else. I do think it's a bit mean as it's all part of the magic for them.

@winterchills

I think obviously it's your choice what you do but I think it would be hard for them not to tell other children and ruin it for everyone else. I do think it's a bit mean as it's all part of the magic for them.

I would just tell my kids they were lying because they’re on the naughty list.

I'm just never going to go along with the whole "Santa is going to come down the chimney and bring you presents. Let's get a mince pie out for him and a carrot for his reindeer" type stuff.

Absolutely loved all that shizz when I was a child. In our house Santa liked a bottle of stout and a slice of cake.

Love it all now too.

No, you’ll just destroy the magic entirely. They’ll tell other kids and their parents Will say your kids are liars. They’ll be social pariahs and they’ll resent you when they grow up. Play along and don’t be a dick.

@Lokdok

No, you’ll just destroy the magic entirely. They’ll tell other kids and their parents Will say your kids are liars. They’ll be social pariahs and they’ll resent you when they grow up. Play along and don’t be a dick.

😂

I never believed in Santa - I wasn’t a social pariah. But then I’m also not part of the feverish ‘magic’ mob so possibly I don’t understand it all. It all feels like manufactured ‘magic’ to me.

@RandomMess

I think the best approach is that Santa delivers but parents pay.

The real magic of Christmas is thinking of other people and spreading kindness and gifts to others.

You can go along with Santa and doing a lot of critical thinking responses when they ask "Hmmm what do you think darling?", "oh I suppose it could be that"

That's what we say, so the kids don't think they can ask for anything they like, no matter what the cost of it.

@Lokdok genuinely curious when this ends. Some parents say 7 is old enough to tell them the truth. Others want to keep it up till 9yrs. Others claim their kid still believes st secondary school.

If someone tells their questioning kid the truth at 7, that 7 year old presumably then becomes the liar and social pariah. Or if they hold out till 9, then that 9 year old tells their friends, then that "ruins Christmas" for the families who keep it going into secondary school, so your 9 year old could be labelled liar etc etc...

When is the natural end, unless you just tell the truth when your own kid asks? Does it need to be based on other people's families and wishes?

Since when has peer pressure been an a acceptable thing as a parent! We discourage teens to accpet it but then we encourage adult , crazy

@SmileyClare

I'm not going to sit down them down and say "Hey kids, Santa isn't real"

That's literally what it says in your title so I think that's what people are reacting to.

Anyway, wishing you a Merry Christmas I'm sorry you feel a bit attacked, it was brave to post

@SmileyClare precisely

@nc1985 - follow what your children want. It is their experience of Santa not yours that is relevant.

[quote AliceMcK]@00100001 the difference is religion. Others celebrating Christmas due to their religion or culture is completely different. Your child coming home saying my friend said Santa isn’t real because they dont celebrate Christmas is different and can be easily explained when talking to your child about different cultures and religions. My DDs understand that some of their friends don’t celebrate Christmas because of their religion, just like there are a lot of things we don’t celebrate because of our religion and culture.

And for the record lots of Muslims, Hindu, Jews and other religions happily take part in the whole Christmas celebration and magic.[/quote]
Surely when it is not a matter of religion then "Johnny's family celebrate Christmas differently than we do" would suffice?

@Kanaloa yes they did. There is a big age difference between number 1 and number 4, so they did feel they had missed out.

[quote AliceMcK]@00100001 the difference is religion. Others celebrating Christmas due to their religion or culture is completely different. Your child coming home saying my friend said Santa isn’t real because they dont celebrate Christmas is different and can be easily explained when talking to your child about different cultures and religions. My DDs understand that some of their friends don’t celebrate Christmas because of their religion, just like there are a lot of things we don’t celebrate because of our religion and culture.

And for the record lots of Muslims, Hindu, Jews and other religions happily take part in the whole Christmas celebration and magic.[/quote]
But it makes no difference.

A child is telling your child a truth.

People at getting their knickers in a twist because it's OK for child A to say GC doesn't exist and can be explained by "Child A doesn't believe because of X reason".... Bit if Child B says exactly the same thing..."OH MY GOD CHILD B HAS RUINED CHRISTMAS FOR MT PRECIOUS BABY!!!!"

Why can't the conversation about the truth be pretty much the same? Whether it came from Child A or Child B? Eg. "We all believe different things and it's ok to believe wat you want...what do you believe?"

@beachtosunset follow what your children want. It is their experience of Santa not yours that is relevant

Ok so how would that go?

"Children, what would you like to believe at Christmas time? I'll follow your lead, do you want to believe in FC or not?"

DC: "FC doesn't exist?!"

@Lokdok

No, you’ll just destroy the magic entirely. They’ll tell other kids and their parents Will say your kids are liars. They’ll be social pariahs and they’ll resent you when they grow up. Play along and don’t be a dick.

No thank you.

We left it up to DD. Quite an interesting experiment. No pushing of FC but she got it from everyone else (including complete strangers). She played along at nursery and school but never at home. A stocking arrives on her bed and she doesn’t seem to need to attribute it to anyone. Unlabelled gifts are accepted - she could have decided they came from FC but she never needed to. I find it hard to see how forcing it down her throat would have benefitted her in any way whatsoever.

(We also have a month of kindness related activities rather than breakfasts/skydiving with Santa/circling all the tat in the Argos catalogue. Our winter festivities are very magical and very lovely without any deities or imaginary delivery men.)

User43344958584e2

Why should children who know the truth be told not to tell their peers or be quiet about it if other children are about?
Ridiculous.
Children are allowed and entitled to speak the truth, not be hushed away and forced to be quiet. Parents expecting another parents not to engage and converse with their children if they talk about Santa not being real in public spaces are ridiculous. Ludicrous to then go as far as calling those having normal conversations with their child selfish.
You don't need Santa to have a wonderful time. Whole thing can be quite toxic when some children wonder why they got gloves when the naughty kid got an xbox, surely they aren't worse than them? I remember feeling a similar way.

People of different faiths or beliefs should keep quiet because you don't want them to spoil the nonsense for your little darling? Get over yourselves. Do you have your child go along with and pretend to believe in things as to not upset their classmates parents?“

Oh, don’t be a miserable git. Get over yourself.

Oh ffs so miserable! I'd be raging if your child ruined Christmas for mine and furious I'd no longer have the bargaining tool of Santa's watching.

(We also have a month of kindness related activities rather than breakfasts/skydiving with Santa/circling all the tat in the Argos catalogue. Our winter festivities are very magical and very lovely without any deities or imaginary delivery men.)

What are the kindness related activities? Visiting poor German immigrants and donating your cooked breakfast to them?

Have you taken a knock to the head, @Classica?!

Wait, what, Santa isn't REAL?!?!?

No, just wondering what the month of kindness related activities might be?

It was a Little Women reference. Beth doing good deeds for the German family with 15 children, catching scarlet fever from them and spoiler alert: carking it.

I can't speak for the UK but here in the US it is usually stuff like go shopping for toys to donate to Toys for Tots, go through existing toys and clothes to choose what to donate to a shelter, donate to the local food bank, visit a care home to sing carols. Charitable giving is big here.

@nc1985

*@beachtosunset* follow what your children want. It is their experience of Santa not yours that is relevant

Ok so how would that go?

"Children, what would you like to believe at Christmas time? I'll follow your lead, do you want to believe in FC or not?"

DC: "FC doesn't exist?!"

You continue to humour their belief of Santa at 4yrs and 2.5yrs old they will love the making a wish list for Santa and putting out mince pies for him and put out carrots for Rudolph?

You go along with what they believe don't take it away from them before the work it out from themselves.

They will have plenty of preteen years not to believe when the work it out without your input not to mention spoiling it for other kids. It's very selfish.