Telling DC Father Christmas is not real (a safe space)

[nc1985]

Anyone else gone down this route, or are planning to go down this route, with their DC?

DH and I have decided not to play along with telling our 4yo and 2.5yo that Santa exists/brings the presents at Christmas.

Our 4yo understands mermaids and unicorns, for example, are pretend and that doesn't stop her enjoying playing with them, wearing unicorn-themed costumes etc. We think the same principle will apply with Christmas, that is our DC will enjoy the "magic" of Christmas without buying in to the whole story as fact.

I just wanted a safe place to chat with other mums who are thinking similar to us. Are you out there?

Not prepared to get flamed Go easy on me if you don't side with my opinion on Father Christmas/Santa.

I don't know why people keep whatabouting about those of different religions who don't celebrate Christmas at all."

Because all those children are seemingly"allowed" to tell other kids FC doesn't exist, but it's a scandal if your child isn't in that group tells the believing kids the same information.

I would think a child realising santa isnt real is actually a good thing shows reasoning and thinking skils, not to blindly belive something just because ur told u have to

*just because ur told it not have to

MN is really odd about Santa/FC.

I’ll tell my children what I think is best, not on what other parents want

i hadn't read the potatoes post.

That is child abuse.

Your parents should never have had children. I really think some parents have kids tio have something to control.

Don't project your trauma to your children.

@beachtosunset

i hadn't read the potatoes post.

That is child abuse.

Your parents should never have had children. I really think some parents have kids tio have something to control.

Don't project your trauma to your children.

🤦🏼‍♀️ she isnt projecting trauma on her children Jesus get some perspective

@Newrunner29

I would think a child realising santa isnt real is actually a good thing shows reasoning and thinking skils, not to blindly belive something just because ur told u have to

realising is a good thimg. (i said this in my first post) being told while they still believe is cruel.

Believe it or not, there is a large number of people in this world and country who don't celebrate Christmas at all. Never mind buy into Santa/Father Christmas/whichever name you give him.

I don't want to knock your belief system. But if you're not going to allow your kids to believe in ficticious things, is organised religion really a good idea for you?!

🤦🏼‍♀️ she isnt projecting trauma on her children Jesus get some perspective

yes she is though.

Our 'perspectives' are very different.

@Totallydefeated

It sounds like your parents were incredibly cruel to you at Christmas and that this is colouring your view of it. It sounds like the experience was very painful for you.

It’s of course your right to bring up your children in the way you think best. But it’s not a good idea to be parenting in a way that is a reaction to trauma from your own childhood. Remember that you don’t have to do things the same way as your parents, but you can modify without throwing the baby out with the bath water.

So doing Santa, but not in any way linking it to behaviour or threatening to take away presents, would allow the magic for your kids, without the trauma you suffered happening to your kids. It doesn’t have to be all or nothing.

If your childhood was generally abusive, it may help to have some therapy or self-reflection around that.

I hope you all have a good Christmas no matter what you decide.

excellent post.

@beachtosunset

🤦🏼‍♀️ she isnt projecting trauma on her children Jesus get some perspective

yes she is though.

Our 'perspectives' are very different.

Yes clearly if u think anyone can project trauma on a child for not believing in santa

BUt that's not what I said in my fist post. Let them realise for them selves. Not bluntly tell them. Then OP admitted that her kids will definitely tell the other school kids and when opointed out by another poster that they and she are not going to be very popular OP asks, what do you expect me to do?

Answer keep your mouth shut until your own kids ask questions.

It's the kids Christmas experience of Santa not hers.

I've never understood why it has to be a universal belief, I don't care what other people's kids believe or not about FC.

nc1985 Mon 08-Nov-21 23:03:19

xxxGirlCrushxxx
well it wont be a popular decision when they ruin it all for other young kids in the future....

OP: So what do you suggest I do?

@nc1985 don't tell them when you have already admitted you know your kids will definitely spoil other school kids Santa. Their parents will not be happy.

You’re not alone but this is never a popular opinion or decision on here.
We never told my children about Santa and they always knew that he wasn’t real. We did tell them that other children believed he was real and not to say anything otherwise to friends. They actually quite liked knowing and didn’t let on to anyone. I didn’t feel comfortable telling my children something that wasn’t true and I do make a point of not lying to them. It’s totally different playing along make believe when the children know it’s all pretend and good fun than telling children a blatant untruth.
They both love Christmas, it was still fun and magical for them.
Now they are both teens they think that it’s hilarious when their friends are shocked that they didn’t ever believe in Santa. They are both creative, fun and imaginative kids who still enjoy christmas.

I applaud you actually. Most reasonably intelligent children will suss it out extremely quickly anyway. I recall being very at the multiple appearances, the chimney issue and the fact that the chap dressed up in the outfit at nursery had his beard attached with elastic round his ears. I must have been three or four and still had to pretend I believed in it. All just rubbish really.

she isnt projecting trauma on her children Jesus get some perspective

her anti-Santa stance is clearly a reaction to her parents' shitty behaviour. If you read her posts and used those 'reasoning and thinking' skills you prize, you'd see that.

What your parents did was very cruel op. Makes me think they were probably cruel in other ways too?

I am not too fussed about the Santa stuff (I found it a bit stressful) but my kids stopped believing fairly early. I certainly never used the shitty phrase 'believe to receive'.

I let my kids make up their own minds about stuff and answer questions when they have them. My eldest ds asked if Santa was real at 6 and I gave him a straight answer. He's fine.

I’m so sorry your parents ruined Christmas for you. That’s so very cruel.

I can see both sides to the Father Christmas debate. If you do decide to say it’s pretend and just enjoy the fun, which is fine, just say that they can’t ruin the magic for other children so they mustn’t say he’s not real to other kids. (I told mine about where babies come from when they were fairly young so I had to consider similar things!)

It's incredibly weak parenting to trot out the Santa line. .that's just not how I roll

I think it's fine to keep Santa stuff to a minimum . Most children develop enough critical thinking to question it anyway fairly early on but are happy to play along. Children happily mix up fantasy and reality, it's all great fun for them to recreate the "play" of Santa coming every year.

Similar to the "tooth fairy". Children quickly realise it isn't true but love the creative play of it. It's just a bit of fun.

Most parents don't go to great efforts to prove father Christmas is true. You're not unusual at all.

Please don't think your parenting is superior or judge those parents who wish to throw themselves into acting out the Father Christmas story. You're coming across a little sanctimonious

@00100001 the difference is religion. Others celebrating Christmas due to their religion or culture is completely different. Your child coming home saying my friend said Santa isn’t real because they dont celebrate Christmas is different and can be easily explained when talking to your child about different cultures and religions. My DDs understand that some of their friends don’t celebrate Christmas because of their religion, just like there are a lot of things we don’t celebrate because of our religion and culture.

And for the record lots of Muslims, Hindu, Jews and other religions happily take part in the whole Christmas celebration and magic.

@Strawbales

MN is really odd about Santa/FC.

I’ll tell my children what I think is best, not on what other parents want

Yes. Never posting in the Christmas section ever again

@beachtosunset

BUt that's not what I said in my fist post. Let them realise for them selves. Not bluntly tell them. Then OP admitted that her kids will definitely tell the other school kids and when opointed out by another poster that they and she are not going to be very popular OP asks, what do you expect me to do?

Answer keep your mouth shut until your own kids ask questions.

It's the kids Christmas experience of Santa not hers.

If you read my posts I did say I'm not going to sit them down and say "hey kids, Santa isn't real". I'm just never going to go along with the whole "Santa is going to come down the chimney and bring you presents. Let's get a mince pie out for him and a carrot for his reindeer" type stuff. There's a difference here.

I'm staggered about you being given just a sack of potatoes for Christmas one time as a child. Is this true, you weren't given your Christmas presents until three days later? So you had to wait until the 28th December?

That's just so odd. What did the rest of your family make of it? Was it a joke and are you remembering it correctly or is it just one of those family stories that get retold so many times over the years, the story has evolved into something else ?

@meala

You’re not alone but this is never a popular opinion or decision on here. We never told my children about Santa and they always knew that he wasn’t real. We did tell them that other children believed he was real and not to say anything otherwise to friends. They actually quite liked knowing and didn’t let on to anyone. I didn’t feel comfortable telling my children something that wasn’t true and I do make a point of not lying to them. It’s totally different playing along make believe when the children know it’s all pretend and good fun than telling children a blatant untruth. They both love Christmas, it was still fun and magical for them. Now they are both teens they think that it’s hilarious when their friends are shocked that they didn’t ever believe in Santa. They are both creative, fun and imaginative kids who still enjoy christmas.

Yes this. We still read books about Santa, just as we read books about Peppa Pig or mermaids or unicorns. We play make-believe/do pretend play at home a lot. But that doesn't mean I have to go along with the whole sorry saga of Santa being real every year.