Page 7 | Telling DC Father Christmas is not real (a safe space)

3luckystars · 09/11/2021 14:18

It’s a bit young to be making big decisions like this. I would just say nothing at all, until they ask you and then handle it how you are fit.

I do think though you are putting your own stuff on them. What your parents did was mean and nothing to do with Christmas or Santa, it was just mean.
I think Santa is a good thing, it teaches children that it’s ok to believe in something that you can’t see, it also teaches them about writing letters and thank you cards and also that giving to someone without them knowing is an absolutely wonderful feeling!!

Mrsweasleysclock · 09/11/2021 14:24

Out of curiosity, for those of you who have older children who did believe in Santa when they were small, how did they find out? Is there a universal age where they get told? What if someone decides that age 8 their DC can now be told the truth about santa. What if that child then goes to school and tells her friends, but those parents still wanted their kids to believe. When is the right time to be told? How does it work?

If a kid is told santa isn't real, isn't just easy to say something like "santa only visits those who believe in him" just as an example. Surely there are ways to keep the belief alive in your own child, without it becoming societies job to help you do it.

Classica · 09/11/2021 14:25

If Christian parents share their belief with their children that God exists, but then also fervently claim to believe in Santa, that's going to just confuse the child as to what personal belief and conviction (not to mention honesty and integrity) actually means, regardless of what faith/belief choices they make for themselves in later life.

what a loaf of old guff. The guffiest guff I've read on MN today.

Firstbornunicorn · 09/11/2021 14:29

Someone I know adopted a child from DRC when she was 4 or so. They told her Santa isn’t real, but it’s fun to pretend. I have no issue with that.

My son is 2.5 and talks about Santa all the time, but we’ve been very non-commital on the Santa thing so far. Not sure how we’re going to approach it. So far we’re leaning toward a few small bits/stocking gifts being from Santa, and the rest from us.

Pieceofpurplesky · 09/11/2021 15:23

My cousin and his wife decided to do this. By the time the 4th DC came along the older ones begged the parents to pretend he was real as they felt they had missed out some of the magic. The elder ones claimed having the youngest believe gave them some of the magic they used missed out on

00100001 · 09/11/2021 15:40

@AliceMcK

So because your parents were cruel to you as a child your wanting to take the whole Christmas magic away from your children, that makes sense 🤔

You do realise you don’t actually have to use the whole naughty nice thing with your children.

They will be the only children at nursery & primary school who won’t be involved in the Christmas magic. Not mentioning the lack of popularity you will have when your children ruin it for other children.

What nonsense, all the Jewish/Muslim/Hindu/Jehovah Witness/whatever kids won't have "Christmas magic" either...

Kanaloa · 09/11/2021 15:45

@Pieceofpurplesky

My cousin and his wife decided to do this. By the time the 4th DC came along the older ones begged the parents to pretend he was real as they felt they had missed out some of the magic. The elder ones claimed having the youngest believe gave them some of the magic they used missed out on

Did the children actually say that? They said ‘we’ve missed out on the magic of Christmas?’

It’s weird because I’ve never heard anyone in real life who is as fanatic about ‘the magic.’ Most people just say ‘yeah we had a good Christmas.’

I actually find the magic thing a bit sad. This idea that not doing Santa ‘ruins the magic’ implies that as soon as you’re aware he doesn’t exist (for a nt child I’d presume about age 6) Christmas is no longer ‘magical.’

Kanaloa · 09/11/2021 15:46

And all the kids I know are generally excited about it getting toys. They don’t tend to care about ‘the magic.’

Glassofshloer · 09/11/2021 15:54

@Kanaloa

And all the kids I know are generally excited about it getting toys. They don’t tend to care about ‘the magic.’

So they don’t enjoy visits to Santa, hanging out stockings for him, doing the mince pie etc…

Come on let some things be sacred

Kanaloa · 09/11/2021 16:00

Well we don’t do stockings or mince pies in my house but in general when I talk to children about Christmas (worked with kids for years so quite a lot of this) the main draw is toys. So most kids will say ‘I’m getting x for Christmas’ rather than ‘I’m excited to experience the Christmas magic of Santa.’

I don’t know about you but most kids I know would enjoy the ‘magic’ a lot less if they were told Santa would visit and leave sweets but no toys.

NavigatingAdolescence · 09/11/2021 16:01

So they don’t enjoy visits to Santa, hanging out stockings for him, doing the mince pie etc…

You can do all of that without pretending he’s real.

theremustonlybeone · 09/11/2021 16:05

As someone who loves christmas , DC attitudes come from their parents. My DC enjoy it as much as me- the build up, christmas panto, seeing the lights being switched on, christmas markets, christmas funfair, making cinnamon biscuits, helping me feed the christmas cake and having the final stir, popping the penny in the christmas pudding, making mince pies, getting decorations out, buying the christmas tree , going carole singing, wrapping the presents, carole singing, christmas movies, icing the cake etc etc. My DC all believed in santa and whilst sad when they realised they still pretended to believe when they got older. So magic for me is the whole christmas peroid not just the day.

merrygoround51 · 09/11/2021 16:23

I would just make sure they understand that other children do believe
Before you make this decision do remember that these are often golden memories for families and I would think long and hard about how your own memories are impacting this

beachtosunset · 09/11/2021 16:26

@nc1985

Anyone else gone down this route, or are planning to go down this route, with their DC?

DH and I have decided not to play along with telling our 4yo and 2.5yo that Santa exists/brings the presents at Christmas.

Our 4yo understands mermaids and unicorns, for example, are pretend and that doesn't stop her enjoying playing with them, wearing unicorn-themed costumes etc. We think the same principle will apply with Christmas, that is our DC will enjoy the "magic" of Christmas without buying in to the whole story as fact.

I just wanted a safe place to chat with other mums who are thinking similar to us. Are you out there?

Not prepared to get flamed Go easy on me if you don't side with my opinion on Father Christmas/Santa.

No.

Let them question or find out for themselves. Don't spoil their magic. Especially when the ounger one has another 6 years etc.

My friends little boy still believes and he's 9.

If they ask you you could say gently 'well, what makes you wonder that'. We did that (ages 9 and 6) and then the child has some autonomy over their beliefs instead of a blunt 'no he doesn't exist'. Consider the younger one will still be in he thrall of it long after the older one.

hope that helps with a gentler approach.

AllWaxedOut · 09/11/2021 16:39

I think it was incredibly weak parenting from my parents to trot out the Santa line to keep your children "well behaved". That's just not how I roll.

I've never told my children that being naughty results in no presents. Your parents sound cruel and I'm not surprised you're not into Santa.

As a teacher I've came across lots of children that don't do Santa for various reasons. It's never an issue, I just say that different people/ families believe in different things (which is true!).

When very young my DD was scared of father Christmas, so we never pushed it. She's 9 now and is in that place where she knows it can't be true, but isn't ready to admit it It's just a fun game.

choli · 09/11/2021 16:50

@ilovepixie

Has anyones child ever googled is Santa real? I know if the internet had of been invented when I was a child I would of done.

My guess is that most children of googling age (6ish) have done so and are well aware that Santa isn't real. They play along to please their parents and get presents.

Tal45 · 09/11/2021 16:53

Father Christmas was just magic and amazing when I was a child, I just loved it so of course I wanted that for my child. You got potatoes one year because you'd been bad and it was used as a threat against you so not surprising you don't feel the same.
I remember the teacher at school doing PNP santa videos for each of the kids in the class and one of the kids being very confused because their parents didn't do santa so she couldn't understand why she got a video. I felt quite sorry for her because she was so confused by it.

Movinghouseatlast · 09/11/2021 16:54

Blaming your dislike of Santa because your parents gave you potatoes is bonkers.

Your parents were cunts in this regard. What a truly awful thing to do. You must be scarred by this.

User43344958584e2 · 09/11/2021 16:57

Why should children who know the truth be told not to tell their peers or be quiet about it if other children are about?
Ridiculous.
Children are allowed and entitled to speak the truth, not be hushed away and forced to be quiet. Parents expecting another parents not to engage and converse with their children if they talk about Santa not being real in public spaces are ridiculous. Ludicrous to then go as far as calling those having normal conversations with their child selfish.
You don't need Santa to have a wonderful time. Whole thing can be quite toxic when some children wonder why they got gloves when the naughty kid got an xbox, surely they aren't worse than them? I remember feeling a similar way.

People of different faiths or beliefs should keep quiet because you don't want them to spoil the nonsense for your little darling? Get over yourselves. Do you have your child go along with and pretend to believe in things as to not upset their classmates parents?

Newrunner29 · 09/11/2021 17:01

I find people on mm particularly weird about 'ruining christmas if santa isnt real! I found out at 4 that he wasnt real and it didnt ruin my Christmases i used to he so excited. I always said i wouldn't keep up the lie when i had children, as i had SN child first and she is 4 now and has limited understanding so has no idea about Christmas or santa, my 2 year old is becoming interested and its so nice she is interested ive wavered a little and said santa brings some, i think fair enough completely up to u if u do or don't it wont ruin ur childrens Christmas thats just ridiculous comment

Owlmeow · 09/11/2021 17:02

@User43344958584e2

Why should children who know the truth be told not to tell their peers or be quiet about it if other children are about? Ridiculous. Children are allowed and entitled to speak the truth, not be hushed away and forced to be quiet. Parents expecting another parents not to engage and converse with their children if they talk about Santa not being real in public spaces are ridiculous. Ludicrous to then go as far as calling those having normal conversations with their child selfish. You don't need Santa to have a wonderful time. Whole thing can be quite toxic when some children wonder why they got gloves when the naughty kid got an xbox, surely they aren't worse than them? I remember feeling a similar way.

People of different faiths or beliefs should keep quiet because you don't want them to spoil the nonsense for your little darling? Get over yourselves. Do you have your child go along with and pretend to believe in things as to not upset their classmates parents?

I don't know why people keep whatabouting about those of different religions who don't celebrate Christmas at all. Again it sounds like your bitter feelings towards it are down to your childhood experience of it.

Movinghouseatlast · 09/11/2021 17:04

This is about parenting not Santa.

My mum slapped my face so hard that I fell down a few stairs when my brother told her I had told him Father Christmas wasn't real. In fact he told me. I think he was about 6 at the time.

Nothing to do with Father Christmas and everything to do with being a very bad parent.

User43344958584e2 · 09/11/2021 17:08

Because those will be some of the children who obviously don't believe?
My mother went way OTT in the whole Santa thing, I have fond memories but that doesn't cloud my judgement.
It was very confusing when awfully naughty and horrible children got expensive games consoles etc.

Newrunner29 · 09/11/2021 17:08

@Kanaloa

Why do people on these threads insist on ‘the magic?’ Oh you’ll ruin the magic! You’re taking away the magic!

There are different types of niceness and ‘the magic’ doesn’t really resonate with a lot of people and families. For us the beautiful Christmas feeling comes in our Christmas Eve walk and then back home and into our pyjamas for hot drinks before bed.

I personally think the intense pressure in recent years for things to be magical memory making madness is insane.

Totally gree with this!

averythinline · 09/11/2021 17:24

You really don't have to link behaviour with Christmas....I think that's horrible as the distance from behaviour to Xmas is too far for little kids to make it effective.in my view so never did. ....and I wanted dc to think if it as a good time not an anxious one.....

We were quite low key on the santa stuff compared to others ...so he bought the stocking with small bits in ...as it was magical to be on the bed...and 1 off the Xmas list....sometimes this was a big thing sometimes smaller
We bought 1 of the other things and grandparents/friends other things off the list....

Most presents from us/family/friends....
Everyone has their own traditions/style but we sort of went along with the 'tradition of Christmas ' being like fairy tales rather than anything else..