Want, need, wear read

[Eileen101]

I've seen this idea floating around - that you base your gift buying around 'something you want, something you need, something to wear and something to read'.

Does anyone do this successfully/done it in the past? Was it a good idea? Did it work?

My DC are only 3.5 and nearly 18 months so only small, but we generally pretty non materialistic I think and I'd like it to stay that way. I want my children to learn gratitude etc as they grow up.

As they're so small, there's nothing that they 'want' exactly, but I'm sure that will charge as they get older and start noticing things around them so I thought I'd try this idea out this year of 'want, need, wear, read'.

Interested in hearing other people's though on this :)

In our home, all clothes are provided when needed and wanted. I wouldn’t not buy a particular brand and save it for birthday or Christmas.
Books - these are also bought year round.
Things they need I would expect to buy when they need them and not make them wait until Christmas.

But why can't you buy books year round and get a special book for Christmas? I don't get why there has to be such a hard and fast distinction between what constitutes a gift and hat constitutes an essential or every day item. Surely it's just all about context?

Yes, we do this and have done for years. It's really successful and the kids don't go without clothes or basic human rights because we're waiting for Christmas to buy them things they 'need'.

Want takes care of itself.

Need tends to be something to do with a hobby so a new climbing harness for DD for example or the toddler got a lovely melamine dinner set last year. We had plates for him to use but this was extra specially nice.

I have 4 book cases of children's books (I study kids lit) so it's not like we're without reading material but we can always find something new and interesting for Christmas. We also have traditions such as DS always gets the new Guinness Book of World Records and DD the Nat Geo Kids Infopedia etc. They get an annual each too.

Something to wear can be fun or a brand/item they don't need and wouldn't otherwise get. DS got a new Scotland rugby shirt one year, for example, and DD had her eye on an Abercrombie hoody that she really didn't need that she got for Christmas. DS2 is just little so will likely get dressing up stuff this year but the other two wouldn't thank me for that.

00100001

because a scooter which is NEVER a need is not comparable to your other example of a kid needing an Ipad/computer/laptop to do their school work... hense its a toy which was the question you asked.

You are going out of your way not to grasp this exceptionally simple concept arent you.

I don't drive so my DD needs a scooter as her school is outside of catchment area so we have a longer walk than most runs away

Not a fan of the 'need' and 'wear' ideas, for the reasons others have mentioned but I guess it is a case of whether it suits your family, etc

@TheFairPrincess because for me, Christmas should be a time to get exciting & special things that you’ve been asking for / wanting. Not everyday things like books and pyjamas.

[quote ComeonJulia]@TheFairPrincess because for me, Christmas should be a time to get exciting & special things that you’ve been asking for / wanting. Not everyday things like books and pyjamas.[/quote]
....and that is probably the exact differences . For us Christmas is a very special time, but that excitement doesn't come from getting everything you want.

@ComeonJulia that's fair enough for you but as I said, books were my literal favourite presents at Christmas, I'd get special, big books on my interests that were expensive. My mum wouldn't have said the same as a child but she new what I wanted and got me and it was dearly appreciated. Same feeling of putting on those new PJs in the morning!

I think if you make sweeping decisions on what is and isn't "a gift", you could be really missing out, or someone other than you could be because they don't share your opinion that a really nice item does not count as a gift.

That's why I say to you OP, don't be too rigid with any rule. Just buy intuitively. And don't feel bad for buying something that someone else looks down on as a gift. I'm sure if it's a thoughtful gift, the recipient will love it

@LemonRoses it doesn't even have to be a compromise!

Don't worry, I've literally never heard outside of this thread anyone having the idea that getting anything that is not entirely frivolous and "un day-to-day" is flat out unworthy of being a present

I do this, For two reasons.
It stops me getting carried away.
I don't want them expecting masses of gifts.
They also get one gift from Santa and their stocking.
(As well as gifts from family and friends)

Yes, I have done this since DS first Christmas. I do:

Want, need, play, read, love

I’d go completely overboard if I didn’t limit myself 🙈

@TheFairPrincess Yes compromise and each to their own. Clothes are definitely a gift in my book (as are books) but that doesn't mean that one should never have anything just because. My point is that if money is tight spending a small fortune on 'wants' is a bit silly and that 'needs' can be received with as much pleasure.

@LemonRoses yes I completely agree :)

I do think it's weird though (not aimed at you at all) to think that 1) parents who give e.g. books at Christmas don't give books at other times of the year just because and B) that getting books at other times of year would somehow result in book chosen as a gift would have no wow factor and be a disappointment.

I'm getting very Dudley Dursley images in my head when thinking of a child who would think like that!!

Lol did I really just do point 1 and point B omg

@mam0918

00100001

because a scooter which is NEVER a need is not comparable to your other example of a kid needing an Ipad/computer/laptop to do their school work... hense its a toy which was the question you asked.

You are going out of your way not to grasp this exceptionally simple concept arent you.

You are going out if your way not to grasp the fact that some kids NEED a scooter.

I really can't fathom why you are being so narrow minded. Just because you don't think it's a need, doesn't mean you're correct.

My nephew had a long tumour, and whilst he was ill, he genuinely couldn't walk as far as other kids his age. He had a blue badge. He NEEDED the scooter to be able to get around and keep up with his siblings on the way to places. He didn't want to be in a special big buggy at six. So yes, the scooter is a NEED sometimes.
And yes, he got a new scooter as a Christmas present. Which was perfectly acceptable.

@TheFairPrincess

I don't drive so my DD needs a scooter as her school is outside of catchment area so we have a longer walk than most *runs away*

No no .. apparently @mam0918 thinks it's just a toy, your child doesn't need it at all

@Longbarn5

Not a fan of the 'need' and 'wear' ideas, for the reasons others have mentioned but I guess it is a case of whether it suits your family, etc

Loads of people give clothes as gifts though...nice sweaters, expensive branded clothes (Oodie, Calvin Klein, Uggs etc), dress up outfits, sports gear, new trainers etc

@00100001

I do love Christmas and Christmas threads so much and I hate to feel unkind but it does feel slightly tone deaf to say an iPad is a need and a scooter is a want!

If your DC love their presents, which I'm sure they all will, it doesn't really matter whether others would or would not have bought said item as a gift.

This is more or less what we did in my family, but there was very little money so my parents couldn't afford both needs AND wants. Therefore, the needs were disguised as wants so we could all pretend we'd gotten Christmas presents like everyone else

Needed a new pair of shoes? You'd be unwrapping them for Christmas/your birthday. New coat? See above.
Pyjamas were only ever replaced on Christmas Eve.
We'd always get one small 'want' gift which we were extra grateful for.

The only thing my parents never held back on were books. We'd get those in abundance throughout the year. The sports uniform might've been close to coming apart from a basic PE stretch, but the house was always full of books.

We don't do want, need, wear, read in my house, but I buy books for Christmas and I think they are a lovely gift, something to look forward to.

And books are my normal Christmas gift. We don't have much money, and books are a luxury here where I live. I would like to go to bookstore on a Saturday morning and buy my child every book they like, but that means going without some other things. If I buy him books, he can't have swimming lessons. So my children get books (3 or 4 each) on birthday and Christmas.

But they also get them from friends and grandparents during the year so it is not like they're book deprived. We collected 50-60 during their childhood and I saved books I had when I was a child so they have a nice little library. And we borrow books from library.

And it is the same for my friends. I know it is August, but I already talk with my friends about book fair we have in November and I can't wait to spend the day there looking for presents.

I don't buy something to wear for Christmas present, just book and toys.

They get one present from Santa, one from mum and dad, and a parcel with books from mum and dad. They also get 5 or 6 presents from grandparents and friends, so they usually open 8 or 9 gifts on Christmas morning.

I usually think they get enough and they have never said they want more, and opening presents in our home usually lasts two hours with present hunt and everything. But sometimes when I read this threads I feel like a horrible mum.

My MIL did this for all of her grandchildren: something to eat, something to wear, something to read, something to play with. I thought it was great!

But sometimes when I read this threads I feel like a horrible mum.

@kavalkada please don’t. I’m not sure how realistically these threads depict what happens in real life, but don’t compare yourself to these posters whose kids have £750 worth of presents each year, and they’re still worried it’s not enough.

I have one word for that, it’s extravaganza. Okay if they’re useful and needed presents for a 16yo, but I can assure you a 3 year old doesn’t need dozens of presents to unpack at Christmas.

The Christmas you’ve described for your children sound equally lovely. They get a few presents from family as well, they know they’re loved and I bet they really enjoy it.

We didn’t even have extended family getting us presents so it was normally 3-4 things each, and it’s true that children don’t notice or complain about these things. Your children sound happy and you’re a great mum who provides for them 365 days a year, not just on Christmas. And that’s what they’ll remember

@Eileen101
Great Post.
@kavalkada
I think 8 or 9 things to open is plenty. You read posts about kids becoming overwhelmed by Christmas. A few years ago I tried to ask, without mentioning money, what was the ideal number of gifts.

I've since come to my own conclusion that 'wee extras' are fairly pointless and rarely get looked at.