Want, need, wear read

[Eileen101]

I've seen this idea floating around - that you base your gift buying around 'something you want, something you need, something to wear and something to read'.

Does anyone do this successfully/done it in the past? Was it a good idea? Did it work?

My DC are only 3.5 and nearly 18 months so only small, but we generally pretty non materialistic I think and I'd like it to stay that way. I want my children to learn gratitude etc as they grow up.

As they're so small, there's nothing that they 'want' exactly, but I'm sure that will charge as they get older and start noticing things around them so I thought I'd try this idea out this year of 'want, need, wear, read'.

Interested in hearing other people's though on this :)

Plenty of adults ASK for books as presents 😉, so do children.

I’d not be impressed to open new pants or a toothbrush etc at Christmas as those are every day needs and for me Christmas is special and about what the person wants not needs.

Christmas is very special for us. Perhaps you were always fortunate enough that your children didn’t get excited about new clothes or nice toiletries. We had a tight budget when they were tiny, so new things were a rarity. They grew up knowing the phrase ‘new to me’.

I also think being a special event and writing a list of demands for things you don’t need is not necessarily joyful nor desirable. Christmas is not about presents for us - they are a nice add on though.

I do think that focusing on excessive present buying is a pretty hollow celebration.

00100001

I buy my kids dress up outfits as part of role play which is important to their development.

I buy my DS football clothes just as I would buy him any other clothes - he doesnt live in his school uniform, he needs actual weekend clothing and football stuff is not as crazy expensive as people are making out here, for kids I use to get football shirts direct from the stadium for £5 in the regular sales they hold.

An Ipad is not a 'need' unless they use it for school work in which case it should be provided for them.

A bike is not a need unless they use it for commuting (such as riding it to school because its to far to walk and you dont drive them) in which case it also should be provided.

We don't follow the rhyme but I suppose we go along with the spirit of it in that our DC get a stocking from Father Christmas and a small pile of presents from us. So I wouldn't necessarily stick to only four presents each for them but they may get 5-7 wrapped gifts each plus their stocking. For us it's a way of limiting tat coming into the house. We'd definitely give useful things and essentials as part of their gifts. It doesn't mean that they don't get clothing as and when they need it, they do but ones given as gifts will be more special than the everyday stuff we usually buy. So for this year for example DC1 is going to get a Paw Patrol jumper as one of their presents and I've bought DC2 a pair of pyjamas with elephants on them as they absolutely love elephants. I don't see how that's any less thoughtful, they'll also get a few fun toys off us and absolutely loads off extended family. Same with books, I want them to have a love of reading and I'll buy books throughout the year but ones given at Christmas may be a dinosaur encyclopedia or a Where's Wally book.... something they like and will enjoy.

Stockings from Father Christmas are a mix of useful, consumable and some fun so will always contain chocolate, bubble bath or something like that but maybe a colour changing one, things like temporary tattoos, crayons, card games, a magazine and then a couple of small toys.

I actually think it will be easier as they get older and their presents get more expensive. If they're teenagers and asking for some really expensive tech then they're not going to be getting loads of other stuff off us and if they've never received a huge mountain of presents from us then that's normal and not a disappointment.

@LemonRoses

I’d not be impressed to open new pants or a toothbrush etc at Christmas as those are every day needs and for me Christmas is special and about what the person wants not needs.

Christmas is very special for us. Perhaps you were always fortunate enough that your children didn’t get excited about new clothes or nice toiletries. We had a tight budget when they were tiny, so new things were a rarity. They grew up knowing the phrase ‘new to me’.

I also think being a special event and writing a list of demands for things you don’t need is not necessarily joyful nor desirable. Christmas is not about presents for us - they are a nice add on though.

I do think that focusing on excessive present buying is a pretty hollow celebration.

My kids have never written a list, my oldest once asked santa for a £10 tractor toy but thats it in 13 years.

We are also a low income family and according to the 'how much do you spend threads' we spend far less than most others but they still dont get basic requirements as 'gifts' though.

I have nothing again recycling and 2nd hand gift (they are a great way to save money and the enviroment) but I sincerely hope your kids arent getting hand-me-down 'new to me' toothbrushes and pants, that doesnt mean you can pass a new one off as a gift rather than a bare minimum legal obligation as a parent.

We don’t do Father Christmas. DC get a stocking of small things (new toothbrush, magazine, chocolate orange etc) from us. They get one big present from us and a smaller present from each of their siblings (bought with their own money). So there are 4 things under the tree. We have a large extended family so they then get plenty more from there.

I did use want need wear read for a couple of years when they were younger (all 4 very close in age) and I needed help/structure as life was exhausting, let alone Christmas shopping on top!

@mam0918

00100001

I buy my kids dress up outfits as part of role play which is important to their development.

I buy my DS football clothes just as I would buy him any other clothes - he doesnt live in his school uniform, he needs actual weekend clothing and football stuff is not as crazy expensive as people are making out here, for kids I use to get football shirts direct from the stadium for £5 in the regular sales they hold.

An Ipad is not a 'need' unless they use it for school work in which case it should be provided for them.

A bike is not a need unless they use it for commuting (such as riding it to school because its to far to walk and you dont drive them) in which case it also should be provided.

Well, there we go. Everyone is different.

My DS might have an old iPad that is fine, and he needs anew one, so he would get that for Christmas. Which is a good gift.

Liverpool football kits do not cost a fiver! So again, it's a wear item that is a gift.

A bike is a need for us. And a new bike for Christmas is a fairly normal gift for a kid.

Buying a dress up is also an acceptable gift.

What is an acceptable gift in your mind?

@mam0918

Nobody is suggesting that kids are getting second hand underwear for Christmas

Second hand underwear 🤣. MN never fails to surprise.

A lot of my thoughts re presents now stem from the environmental cost. I don't want 50 pieces of tat to throw away mid January. Instead, character pants and fun socks are used all year. Same with character toothbrushes and fun bubbles, obviously not used all year, but used nonetheless.

I don't want to give a stocking of stuff that gets looked at once. I understand that's my preference and others will think differently. No one is forcing an approach on anyone.

@RockingMyFiftiesNot

What do people saying 'joyless' put in their children's stockings out of interest?

Chocolate coins (since money was what the REAL st. Nick was famed for gifting people in stockings)

Mostly sweets which the kids then pick at for months.

a few small things hidden in like stickers, bubbles, pens etc...

But st. nick stockings arent 'gifts' to me like an advent calander or xmas tree or having turkey for dinner they are just 'tradition' and basically a glorified party bag no real purpose but kids enjoy them.

See this is what baffles me, we do lots of gifts (whole big xmas) and people say thats 'wasteful', 'enviromentally bad', 'materialistic' and 'leads to spoilt children' etc...

My kids never ask, beg or demand anything because they dont feel they are missing anything because they already have them... definately not spoilt as spoilt is a bad attitude (fostered by think life is unfair usually).

As for wasteful and enviromentally bad I would never replace a perfectly fine Ipad (or anything for that matter) just for the shit and giggles of it... that right there is materialistic consumerism for the pure sake of it, buying a second unneed one because its newer just baffles me.

HOW is replacing a perfectly functional item a 'need'?
its the exact OPPOSIT of a need, it something you already have that works so its something you DONT need lol.

I base our stockings loosely on this. As a child I never understood why my friend got Barbie mansions from FC and I got chocolate coins etc. I loved the smaller presents, and even now seeing chocolate coins takes me back to the smell of the tree and the open fire. However, I do remember asking why he gave her such big presents.
I’m financially much more comfortable than my parents so I would get the large gifts from us rather than FC. It’s so much easier for a child to understand that parents earn different amounts than wondering if FC likes someone else better.
I also don’t want to fill our home with tat, which I would definitely do if I gave myself free rein. It’s not that DC are deprived of things they need but they get upgraded versions for stockings. I also add in a something to do and a something to eat. Obviously things can fall into more than one category but it just gives me a guide so I don’t go overboard. So last year DD had a doll, a new rainbow duvet cover, paw patrol socks and pants, a personalised name story book, a paint your own bird box (she loves watching the birds outside the kitchen window), some farm animal shaped pasta and the aforementioned chocolate coins.
She then got a bike, helmet, etc as her gift from us.
I don’t expect everyone to get on board with it, (just like I am far too lazy to do elf on the shelf every sodding day) but it works for us

We've asked our parents to do this for this christmas for our DCs. Our DC are still toddlers so this will be the 4th christmas with them and DM has gone massively over the top in previous years so was hoping this would be a way to reign her in before it gets set in expectations! So far she is excited about it and has already bought DD a unicorn princess dress (wear)

I don't mind if she is not strictly sticking to it as long as it helps guide her buying. I'm going to do the same for 2year old nephew.

@mam0918

See this is what baffles me, we do lots of gifts (whole big xmas) and people say thats 'wasteful', 'enviromentally bad', 'materialistic' and 'leads to spoilt children' etc...

My kids never ask, beg or demand anything because they dont feel they are missing anything because they already have them... definately not spoilt as spoilt is a bad attitude (fostered by think life is unfair usually).

As for wasteful and enviromentally bad I would never replace a perfectly fine Ipad (or anything for that matter) just for the shit and giggles of it... that right there is materialistic consumerism for the pure sake of it, buying a second unneed one because its newer just baffles me.

HOW is replacing a perfectly functional item a 'need'?
its the exact OPPOSIT of a need, it something you already have that works so its something you DONT need lol.

I was just using it as an example. So let's say the iPad was slowing down, had a cracked screen etc. It was perfectly useable. But ideally they ''need' a new one. So why can't it be a gift?

What is an acceptable gift in your opinion?

Or maybe it's their first iPad

I think at those ages forget clothes they aren't going to appreciate them. And it's blinking embarrassing when people give kids clothes and they toss them aside. Although I sometimes suggest to others to get them clothes as a way of keeping on top of the quantity of stuff in our house.
Sorry not very helpful.

I do stick underwear in stockings to pad them out a bit.

My oldest is 10 and he might appreciate a football top this year but he's starting to his a difficult age for gifts.

I've always hated this saying. So prescriptive. I gave them what they needed anyway and Christmas and birthdays are for fun stuff, within budget.

They haven't grown up materialistic.

And it's blinking embarrassing when people give kids clothes and they toss them aside.

Maybe the kids should be taught some good manners and to always say thank you if someone's taken time out to buy them a gift?

I always put a toothbrush on the stockings. Just the right shape and an antidote to the chocolate.😂

In the stockings.

@Umbra

I've always hated this saying. So prescriptive. I gave them what they needed anyway and Christmas and birthdays are for fun stuff, within budget.

They haven't grown up materialistic.

Ok. So what's your example of fun stuff that they didn't need?

@CarolinaWeeper

And it's blinking embarrassing when people give kids clothes and they toss them aside.

Maybe the kids should be taught some good manners and to always say thank you if someone's taken time out to buy them a gift?

I'm talking about very young children with not interest in clothes. Who are also still learning about manners. They don't come out the womb with manners you know.

Very young children can be like that with "proper" presents though...

I do this. My eldest birthday recently so got a phone need as off to high school. A ninja line for the garden want. More expensive shoes and coat than normal. Complete set of Harry Potter, listened to them on audible but wants to read them himself. I don’t think it’s minimal as quite a lot but will all be well used rather than piles of plastic. Much easier as kids get older.

mam0918 No never second hand toothbrushes - the whole point of useful /needed in their stocking was that it was new rather than second hand. They might get a glittery toothbrush rather than a cheaper one.

Second hand undies I have less of an issue with for children - although most wouldn't last long enough to pass down. Certainly (although not for Christmas) we used second hand baby vests, toddler pants and vests and hand me down crop tops when the girls were about 10/11. Second hand swimwear too - I remember great excitement from our eldest on finding a rather minimalist bikini in one of the 'new to me' deliveries'.

No, thank you for your concern but our children now get far more than many, I suspect. We still give second hand presents sometimes, but they are called antique furniture or vintage jewelry.

Do I think parents are obliged to but new? No, not at all. When we were growing up we were very happy to be given essentials as presents as were our children. I guess its also about the definition of 'need'. It might be a new pencil case and colouring pens or lunchbox for school, but nicer than a plain one. I see a lunchbox as a basic essential but think the character ones that disintegrate almost weekly are a total con - the children, however, always coveted them and very occasionally got one as a gift. As they got older the essentials became more expensive - a £13k for a bassoon was maybe an essential, but we felt it far too much to hand over without it being a gift. Same with the increasingly expensive violins. New sports equipment was essential - but if they wanted top of the range items, it was as gifts. Laptop for sixth form essential - Macbook a gift. Mobile phone reasonably essential - iPhone a gift. Driving lessons essential - but also exciting enough to be a gift.