Want, need, wear read

[Eileen101]

I've seen this idea floating around - that you base your gift buying around 'something you want, something you need, something to wear and something to read'.

Does anyone do this successfully/done it in the past? Was it a good idea? Did it work?

My DC are only 3.5 and nearly 18 months so only small, but we generally pretty non materialistic I think and I'd like it to stay that way. I want my children to learn gratitude etc as they grow up.

As they're so small, there's nothing that they 'want' exactly, but I'm sure that will charge as they get older and start noticing things around them so I thought I'd try this idea out this year of 'want, need, wear, read'.

Interested in hearing other people's though on this :)

Tbh I’m so glad ds is 12 now, it gets so much easier for presents. You can tailor what you buy to their hobbies/ interests. No big plastic toys taking up space in my house. He is an age now where clothes are definitely appreciated. I feel like I don’t risk wasting money on his presents now. It’s not a gamble anymore.

@Woeismethischristmas

I do this. My eldest birthday recently so got a phone need as off to high school. A ninja line for the garden want. More expensive shoes and coat than normal. Complete set of Harry Potter, listened to them on audible but wants to read them himself. I don’t think it’s minimal as quite a lot but will all be well used rather than piles of plastic. Much easier as kids get older.

Well according to some posters the only acceptable gift there, was the ninja line

As long as you're not using it to sound virtuous/performance parent as a lot do, then it's an ok principle, with a little tweaking I feel.

Main presents are different to stockings. Stockings can definitely contain useful items. This year DS will get his own nail clippers and tweezers. He'll also get the obligatory torch and wind up toy. And some silly novelty items, that aren't plastic tat, for example a set of pencils that say things such as "maths nerd geek chic" down the side. Pants/boxers can go in, but not the usual. If daily wear is something from a £20 for 5 Marks and Sparks set, then maybe a single nice pair, maybe a Calvin or RL at £13/14 can go in the stocking.

Similar principle for clothes, better than normal every day stuff. Usually wear (I don't know...) Next every day? Then maybe a Hilfiger hoodie for Christmas. The point is, not to unwrap something that they could have received 6 weeks prior, or frequently throughout the year as run of the mill, as that won't feel like a present.

Second hand is great. DTwins, the boy is getting a second hand work bench with a little hard hat and tools I picked up as new on FB for sale for a fiver (it was a ridiculous bargain) and it looks wonderful all set up. That's his main thing done.

Books, always appropriate.

@RockingMyFiftiesNot

We don’t do stockings, tried once but hardly anything fits unless you go for essentials or sweets so didn’t bother again. Don’t like novelty items unless I know they will last and be used rather than end up in landfill.

Stockings were the highlight of our Christmas as children, we didn't get much else. We've carried on the tradition and our now adult children won't let us stop. There are stocking filler threads full of ideas that aren't sweets or useless tack or essential items and you can pack loads into a stocking.
Not saying you should do them, of course your choice entirely, but your reasoning behind why not is flawed.

Why flawed just because I disagree ? Everyone has different ideas as to what the class as tat/landfill items. Maybe teems are easier with makeup and jewellery but we just wrap small things up together to minimise the recycling needed as we get through a lot of paper already.

I see no different in presents under the tree rather than in a stocking. They can be any shape or size then and it doesn’t matter in the slightest.

Well according to some posters the only acceptable gift there, was the ninja line

Some people are bonkers!
Sometimes the line between need and want is very blured.
Some would argue that toys are essential and all kids need them.

Luxury versions of anything is always a want never a need.

But it definitely gets easier as kids get bigger but then you also loose lots of the magic and the excitement that you get with little ones.

If the only appropriate gift is the ninja line it’s a shame as that is the one he has to share with his siblings! He’s benefitted from his twin sisters birthday gift of a trampoline earlier in the year though.

Why flawed just because I disagree ?

It's not at all just because you disagree, as I explained, what you said just wasn't factually correct.

We have giant Santa sacks which have all the gifts in. Everything comes from Santa

Chocolates and sweets but not underwear and socks.

@Lockdownbear

Well according to some posters the only acceptable gift there, was the ninja line

Some people are bonkers!
Sometimes the line between need and want is very blured.
Some would argue that toys are essential and all kids need them.

Luxury versions of anything is always a want never a need.

But it definitely gets easier as kids get bigger but then you also loose lots of the magic and the excitement that you get with little ones.

Of course it isn’t But cheap by twice in my experience.

00100001

The issue is non of the 'needs' you are listing are actually 'needs'... you have a warped sense of what a need is. Taking an example you used earlier a kids micro Scooter is a gift but its in no way something a child 'needs'.

My child has never needed a bike (he does not 'need' to travel anywhere we drive him) and doesnt own an Ipad (because he has never 'needed' one) if he was to get one they would be gifts because their purpose would be playing.

His computer however he 'needs' for school, both for typing up homework and for the zoom classes they did in lockdown therefor it was not a gift.

@mam0918

00100001

The issue is non of the 'needs' you are listing are actually 'needs'... you have a warped sense of what a need is. Taking an example you used earlier a kids micro Scooter is a gift but its in no way something a child 'needs'.

My child has never needed a bike (he does not 'need' to travel anywhere we drive him) and doesnt own an Ipad (because he has never 'needed' one) if he was to get one they would be gifts because their purpose would be playing.

His computer however he 'needs' for school, both for typing up homework and for the zoom classes they did in lockdown therefor it was not a gift.

Just because you do t think a bike is a red, doesn't mean some people consider it a need. same for a scooter.

So, you're saying you would give a iPad as a gift, because it would be a toy. But surely by your own logic, you should be providing toys as a matter of course? Why is an iPad a gift but a dressing up set not (for example?).

I don't like this phrase, it seems a bit prescriptive and joyless to me. I get my dc more than 4 gifts, in fact some years they have had quite a pile. I don't think it is the number of gifts that makes dc spoilt, I think we teach our values to kids in lots of different ways.

Why u can't u all just respect what each family does for themselves. There were times in my life where I was given expensive gifts and I was happy. I'm still happy if I would be given pyjamas or everyday needs now (when I have children). It's the thought that counts.

This always turns into a bit of a bunfight

Fwiw i use the rhyme as a basis for the stocking. Plus a few silly bits

Want, need, wear read

By age 16
Tamoax, deodorant, school uniform, gcse revision book

I do a rough one, but it's not set in stone:
Want - anything but more like 5 or 6 things
Wear - an outfit for Christmas day
Books - what they are into at the time
Character toys - one or two things linked to there favourite characters

00100001

because a scooter is not educational... its really not a hard concept.

Its not that you cant add new education extras on holidays (you can and should all year round - you get all sort of non gift items around the holidays) its that its not a 'gift' so passing it off as one is disingenuous.

Also the definition of 'need' is - require something because it is essential or a neccesity. Its not up for debate, something is factually a need or not but a scooter is not an essential neccesity in life - no one dies or suffers ill care from lack of micro scooter lol.

This thought proccess is how people get into debt, they think they NEED and justify as such the want the latest version or gadget to keep up with the Joneses even though those things are nothing more than luxuaries they want.

I'm not sure what a scooter being educational or not has to with it being seen as a need.

Some people will say a child needs a scooter. For a variety of reasons. Eg. Because they have to walk 3 miles to school and a scooter makes it quicker and easier. Others will say it's a toy. So not a need.

So, all I've been saying is that people define needs differently...which is fine.

But, it's also OK to give needs as a present. So, let's say the kids scooter was starting to get too small or the wheels wearing away, and he needs anew one for next term. It's perfectly acceptable (and normal) to give that needed scooter as a gift.

I do this with DD's stocking. Except I use eat rather than wear.

There aren't just 4 items, but always include at least 1 book, I always have a fiction book that I think she would enjoy, often there's a non fiction on a topic she would be interested in as well, and last year I also included a graphic novel as easier reading material but still teen relevant content.

Eat is to distract enough while we get breakfast sorted, and also harks back to my own stockings growing up. So some fruit and sweets to eat straightaway (sometimes the mini packs of cereal or other breakfast treat). And maybe a favourite treat that is hard to get (DB has sometimes sent the little sachets of lemonade powder from his side of the Atlantic for me, for example, or I've hunted for nice fruit teabags for iced tea as a more recent favourite drink).

Want is that there must be at least some fun bits and pieces, and I try to make sure I know a couple that dd specifically wants (she is dreadful at telling you what she's into, and also very fickle in turning away from things easily). But collectibles, soccer cards, jokes, travel games, little toys, party bag sized bottles of bubbles, etc.

And need covers things like nice socks, comfortable underwear (she has sensory issues and the ones she likes are harder to get), hair bobbles and clips, a proper tangle teezer hairbrush when she was having problems brushing, nice bamboo toothbrush now she's more into eco products, "magic" t-shirts or facecloths for travel (the ones that are tiny blocks that you put into water to make them open up and become useable), travel sized toiletries, nice stationery items for school....basically useful bits and pieces but usually nicer versions than she'd normally get. And now she needs lots of small parts for a sailing dinghy, so a few spare blocks or shackles are always useful and not cheap!

I've tried to be very formulaic/prescriptive in the past as my DC are young and I'm still figuring out how to sort Christmas.

Last year was the first year I planned to make stockings a big thing and I went WAY overboard because I was trying to fit in every idea, their already huge knitted (therefore very stretchy) were full to bursting.

I think it's more important to give up on rigid ideas on paper and use them as more of a guide. Like for me, I loved the idea of a mix of practical stuff in the stockings but frankly it was too much, I'd rather prioritise the fun bits, and it means I can spread the cost more because I'm not purposely not buying toothbrushes in September so I can put a new novelty one in the stocking!

So even though on paper it was a great idea to me, it didn't work. Stockings are now a mix of toys - not the ones they would usually ask for, just fun bits - and sweet treats.

In terms of trying to stick to a minimum or maximum number of gifts I'm also much more relaxed about now too. I was very focused last year on making sure they had a decent number of presents but as their bloody stockings are so big, I just want there to be more of a wow factor under the tree in terms of there being something really wanted under there.

Just try to approach it intuitively :) I wouldn't worry about spoiling them nor would I fret about having a smaller number of gifts if you know they will really enjoy them.

I am loving all the people who are saying I do this BUT I add more

That isn't the point- you are not doing it. 4 items only. Based on that'a stocking with 100 items would probably cover Want, need, wear read as well.

Want, need, wear read- 4 items- that's it

I am loving all the people who are saying I do this BUT I add more
Indeed 🤣

And of course it's very subjective. I am a huge lover of books and my most exciting presents were always amazing books, like huge non fiction history encyclopedias with loads of pictures. I still have those now :)

I also as a slightly older child loved getting a little perfume, and of course brand new pajamas to change into

Of course more practical day to day items can make amazing gifts :)

I do it for DD (almost 2) for birthday and Christmas but not the “wear” yet as she has a mountain of clothes we get gifted so more clothes are a waste.

For her up coming birthday from us (she’ll get more from family and friends) she is getting:
4 lift the flap books (2 are second hand)
Assorted stickers - she loves stickers at the moment
A small indoor/outdoor trampoline to help her jump (she wants to jump but can’t do it yet -cute!)
A proper grooming brush for her rocking horse (she is obsessed with brushing it).

I’m sure as she gets older she might want specific clothes and have more specific wants/needs.
I’m trying to keep it low key for as long as we can as she has a huge stack of gifted second hand toys etc.
Our birthday haul for her is well under £100.

A proper grooming brush for her rocking horse (she is obsessed with brushing it).
Aw!