Anyone else had an Xmas from hell with teenagers?

[Twobigsapphires]

Just that really. Have 3 teens from 14-17 please someone tell me it gets easier. They all loved Xmas when they were little.

I’m exhausted, got woken by a delivery 7am yesterday, then held a socially distanced tea for a few family members in the bloody garden which involves setting up gazebo, dusting off garden chairs, 3 hours of baking, setting up camping stove then after they had left, tidying it all up again then putting on a buffet for the kids. Eldest two only surfaced to drink my nice champagne and then left, leaving me and Dh to tidy again and by this time it was 10pm.

Up at 7 again this morning to put turkey in and prep Xmas day breakfast for all and my parents who were coming by. Cooked salmon, bacon, pastries etc. Dragged teens out of bed, they were moody and tired but luckily cheery enough to be sociable for a hour.

After my parents left they retreated to their room until 3pm for dinner, then left 15 mins later. Popped down for deserts at 5pm. Me and Dh have done nothing but cook, clean and tidy for 2 days. Spent £500 on food and booze and another 1k on gifts, for what?

I know the teenage years are rough but I am so bloody teary now. Dh has now taken the dogs out and I’m sat here on my own. What an epic waste of time and money.

I did get a hug and a thank you from eldest ds for his gifts this morning, but dd turned round at dinner and announced when she grows up she will prob not see us at Xmas as she’ll be too busy. Wtf!

May be able to blackmail youngest to watch a film with us later but what’s the point?

Ahhh love I get it they can be tough at that age.... very good unforgiving

Just go and do what you want to do.... xx

I raise you the internet being down and moaning teens😖

This IS fun😭

I’m not even a big fan of Xmas! Why do we do it? Said to Dh this May be the year I snap and say fuck off to it next year. Prob have at least 4 more years like this.

Why are you the only one of your family providing Christmas Eve teas and excessive breakfasts? Just don't do it if it's too much. Teenagers don't really care about the amount of work that goes into Christmas so next year cut right back on your cooking and food and let them fend for themselves

they sound like they were enjoying themselves in their own way, it’s just that it’s not your way. I think you need to readjust your expectations to make sure that you enjoy yourself too next year

They sound rude, I have kids aged 10, 13, 13, 15 and 18, they helped prepare lunch, cleared the table, said thank you, played games afterwards, the really quiet one has gone for some quiet time in his room, you need to raise your expectations

Sounds like your expecting too much and putting too much stress on yourself to have the perfect Christmas.

I have 2 teens (14 and 16) and I just don’t bother arranging anything, my expectations are low then I can’t get angry/upset when things don’t go to plan. My teens usually live in their bedrooms, the only rule we have over Christmas is that they stay downstairs during the day. My teens couldn’t care less about a fancy breakfast or a fancy meal so I don’t provide it, Christmas as is pretty relaxed and they pretty much do what they like other than having to stay downstairs.

That sounds like a normal Christmas with teens tbh certainly not one from hell.
If you want praise and validation from teens you are looking in the wrong place. Cut back on the work and give yourself a break.
Put your feet up OP and have a break.

I think your issue is all the christmas stupidity you put yourself through. All that prep, garden event etc. Nah if I were them I'd be in my room too. Remove all the obligated stuff and spending time together can be nice.

I thought I had my expectations lowered so I’m not sure why I’m so shocked/depressed.

I always end up hosting which I usually don’t mind but this year it felt so flat.

I have an amazing Dh who helps with all the good prep, tidying and sorting. We are both knackered now and can’t help wonder what it’s all been for when we have barely seen the kids as they just stay in their room. Eldest has has just started playing trash music and youngest is moaning as I’ve dragged him off his xbox.

It all just seems so pointless with teens. More exhausting than when they were little.

To be honest all the extra prep was for family members and Covid etc. Normally we’d all meet at the same time for one big party but due to Covid it’s all a bit bitty so things like the breakfast etc was for my parents and not the teens.

I know I need to give myself a shake and lower expectations. Don’t want to be a martyr and have a tantrum. Just feels like Xmas is a shit show now until they grow up!

I am so sorry you feel so deflated op. I can get where you are coming from even though I've had a good day. It's hard being chief organiser.

I've got 4- 22, 21,17 and 12. My 21 year old has ASD and came into a huge Chucky l chunk of money last week. I do EVERYTHING for him and he took his siblings to buy me a present and the other three got me a few bits like bath robe, slippers etc and he didn't even buy me a box of celebrations. My 17 year old saved his pocket money up to buy me a Parker pen and even apologised it wasn't the cross pen I had seen in the shops earlier in the year. My son with ASD just doesn't get the reciprocal gift thing at all.

The only thing I see wrong is you martyring yourself with all your efforts

If you enjoy it all, please do busy Christmas like this with lots of catering

But if you don’t enjoy it, why do it?

FWIW I have teens your age, and we have no formality over Christmas, it’s about relaxing and enjoying the day. We have breakfast but teens were asleep, I let them sleep. Woke them up for stockings/presents and family zoom call at 11, we had a low key lunch (basically an ordinary roast with pigs in blankets) they disappeared into their rooms, for dinner DH and I will have a salad and DCs will make themselves something

Occasionally they come down for food or a hug with me or the dog

I don’t know, I maybe should expect more? But it’s been a relaxed day for all, which is my idea of heaven.

Formal entertaining is a mug’s game IMO and wasted on teens

Why are you being such a martyr?

Next year why don't you ask them what they would like to do at Christmas. Maybe discuss expectations and agree some compromises. It doesn't sound like any of them swore or got drunk or said they hated you. They just wanted a different Christmas to the one you wanted.

Only youngest got me and Dh a gift too. this is the first year dd has not got anything for us, despite getting £40 a month pocket money and spending £60 on gifts for her mates. Eldest gets pocket money and has a part time job!

They sound quite entitled to be honest. Mine helped out and did quite a lot of the cooking/baking. We also expect them to sit downstairs with the rest of the family on Xmas Day. Going to their rooms is just rude.

I don't really get this - surely you could have told them to come downstairs and help? Do they generally ignore you/get away with doing FA while being waited on? Might be time to get them pulling their weight and helping out. They sound disrespectful and entitled.

@StopGo I don’t know, I’m not usually. Just tired I guess. Sure I’ll pull my shit together by the morning.

Not sure what they’ve done wrong to be honest. As per Tomasina below, we have a low key day, breakfast at 11 with presents, family zoom call at 1 ish, lunch anywhere from 3-4pm.

We all come and go as we please, join in when required and have enough alone time for everyone to be happy.

You need to scale it all back; it sounds exhausting and not needed.

@Ohalrightthen dd did some baking yesterday and did come and chop veg today.

I was that teenager 15-20 years ago.

Now I'm a mum, i appreciate everything my mum did x1000000 and constantly apologise 😂

Maybe you need to stop?? Make this the last year you do this. Plan next year to be different. I would like to be away next year. I am thinking about saving up to be away next year and enjoy a change. This year was very quiet and tbh it was no worse than many others. I have two children with asd and Christmas is usually torture in lots of ways. I have watched lots of tv, listened to music, drank lots. I didn't get any gifts but I actually don't really care. Maybe it is about expectations. Think about what you would enjoy and do that next year rather than trying to please others.

Why are you giving her pocket money AND buying her friends gifts?

Include them in the planning. This year my two teens asked for a Chinese dinner, so that's what we've had. They both were involved in the shopping and prep and it's been very low key. Our day started with a pancake breakfast, presents and then time to chill. We're all unwell so it's been more low key than usual. I think at another time you need to spell out your expectations and stop doing it all yourself with them being spectators.