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Christmas

From present ideas to party food, find all your Christmas inspiration here.

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Original poster

Anyone else had an Xmas from hell with teenagers?

148 replies

Twobigsapphires · 25/12/2020 17:59

Just that really. Have 3 teens from 14-17 please someone tell me it gets easier. They all loved Xmas when they were little.

I’m exhausted, got woken by a delivery 7am yesterday, then held a socially distanced tea for a few family members in the bloody garden which involves setting up gazebo, dusting off garden chairs, 3 hours of baking, setting up camping stove then after they had left, tidying it all up again then putting on a buffet for the kids. Eldest two only surfaced to drink my nice champagne and then left, leaving me and Dh to tidy again and by this time it was 10pm.

Up at 7 again this morning to put turkey in and prep Xmas day breakfast for all and my parents who were coming by. Cooked salmon, bacon, pastries etc. Dragged teens out of bed, they were moody and tired but luckily cheery enough to be sociable for a hour.

After my parents left they retreated to their room until 3pm for dinner, then left 15 mins later. Popped down for deserts at 5pm. Me and Dh have done nothing but cook, clean and tidy for 2 days. Spent £500 on food and booze and another 1k on gifts, for what?

I know the teenage years are rough but I am so bloody teary now. Dh has now taken the dogs out and I’m sat here on my own. What an epic waste of time and money.

I did get a hug and a thank you from eldest ds for his gifts this morning, but dd turned round at dinner and announced when she grows up she will prob not see us at Xmas as she’ll be too busy. Wtf!

May be able to blackmail youngest to watch a film with us later but what’s the point?

OP posts:

TowandaForever · 25/12/2020 18:40

I'd concentrate on enjoying the rest of Christmas doing what you and your husband want to. Leave the dc to their own devices.

Parker231 · 25/12/2020 18:41

Why are the teens not helping with the Christmas preparations? They don’t just get to turn up for the good food and then disappear. If you and DH cooked, why didn’t they do the cleaning up? It’s not optional.

Fluffycloudland77 · 25/12/2020 18:42

Tell her you’ll be on holiday spending all your money & you won’t be providing childcare.

Original poster

Twobigsapphires · 25/12/2020 18:42

@slipperywhensparticus no she bought her friends gifts with her money.

OP posts:

Sarcobaleno · 25/12/2020 18:45

I think you're trying to do too much and then you end up feeling taken for granted. Do one meal, if family come over just do mince pies or croissants. You're trying too hard. Just stick to Christmas dinner and then maybe a game of something that would appeal to teens. Cards Against Humanity? I bet they appreciate you more than it seems but maybe they need a reminder that you have feelings too. Hope your evening improves

lazylump72 · 25/12/2020 18:50

Hey OP sounds really rubbish...I would go up and have a nice long soak in the bath get your pyjamas on and snuggle up on the sofa with your DH, Forget the kids they can help them selves to anything they want or need have some quiet time with your Dh and sod the world! Just enjoy both of you being together,warm and cosy with your feet up.It sounds like you both deserve a rest.

IfNotNow12 · 25/12/2020 18:50

You know what, in lots of ways OP your post summarises what's wrong with our generation of parents! Maybe its because some of us had less than perfect childhoods ourselves? Whatever the reason, all I see is parents killing themselves to give their children everything and beyond, and the more the kids get the less they appreciate it.
Xmas with teens is different to when they are younger. That magic has gone, sadly, but it also gives you the freedom to sack off a lot of the work. If your kids want all the bells and whistles, they are going to have to get off their backsides. If they don't -well fine, scale it right back. No way would i be getting up and making pastries and all that faff. I also wouldn't be dragging teens out of bed early for xmas breakfast. Let them sleep next year. Spend the morning in bed with your husband!
And for the love of God don't let them drink your champagne! They can have champagne when they have earned it.
Maybe, if you cut all this out next year, it will startle them into realising all the Christmas gubbins doesn't just happen, and maybe they will be keener to help make it happen in the future.
But, for now, chill, watch Call the Midwife, and eat all the chocolates.

Ultimatecougar · 25/12/2020 18:51

That's a fairly normal Christmas with teens, nowhere near a Christmas from hell. I thought you were going to say they'd been drunk and lairy or made themselves ill through drink or something.

At least you have a partner to talk to and help with the prep. Some of us are doing Christmas with unsociable teens on our own.

I8toys · 25/12/2020 18:52

My 15 and 17 ds's have been lovely today and yesterday. We went out for a meal with my mum and dad yesterday as its her birthday. Played games and did evil santa. Then all watched the great hunt thing on Prime last night. They actually got us up at 0930 to open presents today. Had lovely breakfast, lunch and dinner together. They are happily playing on their tech now.

HelloDulling · 25/12/2020 18:52

They are teenagers, they were hardly likely to be excited about a family tea party in the garden in December. You did that for you/your older family, and then realised it was too much work. You can’t expect gratitude from your DC for that.

As for today, did you spell it out for them? Granny is coming at 10 for breakfast, you need be be up and dressed when she gets here, and then help me with lunch. I know they look like adults, but they still have child-brains, and need direct instructions.

Brefugee · 25/12/2020 18:53

Sometime during the year you should all sit down and discuss what you think you want Christmas to be like.

At that time you can explain to non-gift-buying DD that it seems a bit mean to live in your parents' home and not buy them a small gift for Christmas. That is a cultural expectation that she should have gleaned on her own by now. Or you can say, fine, if you don't think Christmas presents should be a thing, you won't mind if you get none.

Or suggest a 10 pound per person limit?

Ask them if they want fancy breakfast, traditional lunch whatever, and hash out something that gives each of you something that you want.

We have always had lovely family christmasses, from when the DC were young, and they couldn't wait to buy presents for each other and for us and their GPs with their own money.

It's about managing expectations, isn't it?

But at least it sounds as though you've had great food.

Rockpooler · 25/12/2020 18:57

You need to read your first post back - a lot of this is of your own making - i would not be baking for 3hrs - thats what the shops are for. It was your choice to invite people yesterday and your choice to eat at a time that meant cooking the turkey at 7am!

Oreservoir · 25/12/2020 18:57

Your dc treat you with the same respect you give yourself.
Next year make it clear they need to pitch in.

PickAChew · 25/12/2020 18:58

Why didn't you ask people to bring stuff with them? The amount of money you spent isn't the kids' problem. You're trying to be all things to everyone, shouldering all the cost and work then finding yourself disappointed when your children don't want to play happy families for extended periods.

MaryBoBary · 25/12/2020 18:58

Oh god you sound just like my mum when I was younger. Christmas was always such a performance with lots of hosting, cooking, washing up etc. No one asked her to do it, but she wanted to and then moaned about it and roped us all in to the serving and clearing up. If you want to host then do it, why should your teens also want to host relatives? I couldn't think of anything worse at theat age but was always dragged in to doing it. As an adult I like to have Christmas alone with my partner and son AND NO ONE ELSE!!!

recreationalcalpol · 25/12/2020 19:00

Having spent the day with a two year old, I prefer your Christmas! Sorry it’s not what you wanted OP, Merry Christmas to you

Babyroobs · 25/12/2020 19:00

We have 4 teenagers/ early twenties in the house. they haven't helped with anything but have actually spent time downstairs and although the older ones have drunk quite a bit of alcohol they have been jovial and we've had a laugh. The 19 year old who has consumed quite a lot of Gin has disappeared to his room, the 21 year old whose sleep pattern is all over the place is asleep and 18 year old crashed out on sofa. DH resting upstairs also although he did cook all the dinner !

RosesAndHellebores · 25/12/2020 19:04

Teenagers are very hard work
Hosting teas in the garden and hours of baking are very hard work
Schmancy breakfasts are very hard work when teens are teens and prefer sleep

You can't change the teens. You can make the rest of your life easier.

Feet up, gin, TV, snooze.

TwentyViginti · 25/12/2020 19:05

Next year just don't martyr yourself with all that unnecessary twaddle.

emilybev1986 · 25/12/2020 19:05

Have really loud sex.

That'll learn 'em.

Lovemusic33 · 25/12/2020 19:06

@recreationalcalpol

Having spent the day with a two year old, I prefer your Christmas! Sorry it’s not what you wanted OP, Merry Christmas to you

I agree, having dealt with both toddlers and teens I would chose teens any day 🤣

KodakNancyEurope · 25/12/2020 19:13

@IfNotNow12

You know what, in lots of ways OP your post summarises what's wrong with our generation of parents! Maybe its because some of us had less than perfect childhoods ourselves? Whatever the reason, all I see is parents killing themselves to give their children everything and beyond, and the more the kids get the less they appreciate it. Xmas with teens is different to when they are younger. That magic has gone, sadly, but it also gives you the freedom to sack off a lot of the work. If your kids want all the bells and whistles, they are going to have to get off their backsides. If they don't -well fine, scale it right back. No way would i be getting up and making pastries and all that faff. I also wouldn't be dragging teens out of bed early for xmas breakfast. Let them sleep next year. Spend the morning in bed with your husband! And for the love of God don't let them drink your champagne! They can have champagne when they have earned it. Maybe, if you cut all this out next year, it will startle them into realising all the Christmas gubbins doesn't just happen, and maybe they will be keener to help make it happen in the future. But, for now, chill, watch Call the Midwife, and eat all the chocolates.

This is bang on.

OP may I recommend the following for next year:

Do less
Go to Tenerife
Give fewer fucks

Tomorrow is another day, I’m sorry you’re hurting. Time to get involved with the Bailey’s xxx

ancientgran · 25/12/2020 19:13

when she grows up she will prob not see us at Xmas as she’ll be too busy. Wtf! Mine have said that, this is the first year they couldn't come home and they are more devestated than I am lol.

Have they had the massive fight yet? No teenage Christmas was ever complete in this house until the screaming fight happened over absolutely nothing.

It gets better I promise. In a few years you will laugh........... or maybe not but when they come home with gifts and telling their partners that you can't beat their mum's mince pies/roasties or whatever you will relish it.

HeartsTrumpDiamonds · 25/12/2020 19:16

@Oreservoir

Your dc treat you with the same respect you give yourself. Next year make it clear they need to pitch in.

I could not agree with this more.

Try turning off the wifi and see what happens

TeaSoakedDisasterMagnet · 25/12/2020 19:20

Honestly, Christmas is just another day. It’s not worth all of the faffing. Next year, just plan to scale it back to the bits you enjoy and plan to relax. And don’t let your family take advantage by expecting you to do Christmas Eve parties etc.

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