Poncetastic Christmas 2018

[VivaJen]

I know we have the "Any Ponces Around?" thread but in honour of Fellatio Nelson here is the 2018 Poncetastic Thread.

OK, first of all, I know it's still September by we need to start this thread now because as you all know, having a truly Poncetastic Christmas involves precision planning, strategy, bravery, heroics, and frequently martyrdom. A bit like the war in Afghanistan, only with nicer food and sparkly shoes.

So, if you, like me, actually want to make the next twelve weeks of your life a misery by hand-crafting your cards, finding a huge bucket for Nigella's turkey in brine, pickling pears, shrivelling oranges in a low oven for those rustic au naturel decorations, dragging half a holly bush back from the woods, and just generally being a smug annoying jobsworth ponce, join me on this thread.

Feel free to post photos of previous tree-trimming, cake icing or table centrepiece triumphs, discuss this year's bauble colour themes, debate the merits of Delia versus Gordon, road-test a selection of canapes and cocktails, (all in the line of duty) and link to lovely inspirational photos/craft ideas for a truly Poncetastic Christmas.

Warning: If your idea of a good Christmas involves Pizza, ITV, gravy granules or anything with 'Aunt Bessies' on the packet, this is not the thread for you".

I'm feeling full Ponce this year. For various reasons we've had a shitty few years and I'm determined to have a really nice festive season just for f*@#+/:!g once.

So I am falling down regular Pinterest rabbit holes and very close to attempting to make my own stair garland.....

I'm Doing Christmas this year - eldest DD is old enough to enjoy it and we have family visiting for the day. I read back as far as slow cooker fudge and feel that I've found my people.

Have only tried making a test batch of gingerbread so far, but I will ramp it up once I've read through for inspiration.

I've ordered a garland. And I've acquired lots of bits and pieces to ponce it up properly. So my stairs will look nice.

DD wants a real tree - and is throwing my own words back at me to make it happen (I used to insist on a real one when we stay at home - but I invested in a Balsam Hill pre-lit last year, and DH was horrified at the cost, so that was going to be it for a few years). IF I manage it right, I may be able to persuade people around to my 2 tree idea by suggesting that a real tree goes in the playroom (needles can be hovered easier) and the good fake in the sitting room (I was planning the old cheap fake for the playroom originally). And I can still do my naice red and gold themed sitting room tree and silver/pinks/blues more playful/kitsch tree in the playroom (end of the kitchen/diner).

I am having a fake tree for the first time, I love real trees but our current rented house has huge high ceilings and last year our tree looked tiny. We once had a huge natural tree but it fell over and caused havoc. We have agreed one large fake tree and a smaller potted real tree for the smell.

Biddy I always have two trees, one in the lounge which is very strictly decorated by me and one in the playroom which tends to be more ‘child friendly’ and brightly coloured. Both artificial though.

Last year I made ribbon garlands for my stairs, they looked lovely, I’ll try to find a picture!

Here they are, excuse the very poncey picture collage, I made them to sell last year!!

Update: the gold and silver origami paper for papercraft snowflakes has arrived. Sadly a little bashed in one corner but there is time for it to flatten a little. Don't think it'll notice.

Arrived home from work the other day to find DS (9) making mince pies to a Prue Leith recipe. DH had apparently intended to make the mincemeat from scratch, the poncetastic equivalent of the cleaner who solves the unsolvable equation left on the whiteboard because he doesn't know it's unsolvable. On a similar vein he had let DS get on with making short crust pastry from scratch because he (DH) didn't want to get his hands buttery. A pair of poncing savants if you will.

The mince pies were amazing but we only had one each at home and some scraps and the rest went to DH's work for his last day.

Stupid questions - people who are freezing mince pies - do you freeze them baked or unbaked? If baked, do you just de-frost them or are they re-heated? If frozen unbaked - do they go in the over frozen after and for how long?

Loving the sound of slow cooker fudge.

Those chains are very pretty, thenewaveragebear. I didn't make a garland for the stairs last because we were going away and I didn't get around to it, but this is the sort of thing I usually usually do. Greenery, pine cones, lights and red ribbons to tie it to the rail. Our man is wearng his Christmas hat.

Beautiful stair rail garlands and felt decorations up thread. I love felt!!

I'm loving the garlands!

Update: DD and I ganged up on DH last night. DD muttered about a real tree and DH said no, we had just bought the new one last year, so I said I had a solution! DH immediately said "not 2 trees!", DD was on my side, and I think we wore him down. It makes a change that I am not the one being ganged up on by him and DD! I also think that he was resigned to it when I explained the colour scheme for both, that it was thought out, and DD really wants a real one. So I will leave it for now, and work as though it is a fait accompli....

My next poncing activity will be cutting out at least 30 mini stocking in yellow felt, and sewing together at least 5 of those (some to completion, a few part-done) on our Cub Scout hostelling night on Saturday. I'll get the other leaders to help cutting at least, and they will see what is planned for our regular meeting 3 weeks later. The plan is to sew 2 sides together using running stitch or blanket stitch (up to Cubs to choose) and add a ribbon loop - yellow stockings with pine green embroidery floss and ribbon, as our necker colours are pine green with a yellow border. Knowing how to sew is part of at least 3 badges!

I will admit, I may need a triple gin when I get home that Saturday!!

I love the idea of Christmas Poncing, and do a little, but am essentially far far too lazy to actually do that much!

I ADORE your sea glass snowman Groovester , I am so off to the beach to look, I always mean to do one of those free hanging twig trees against the window and that would be a perfect decoration!

thenewaveragebear1983 loving the cork wreath too....I keep fancy champagne corks and the teeny christmas tree in the kitchen is decorated with them...I hide the cheapo prosecco corks and just flaunt the poncey brands :o

I am waiting on a delivery from amazon of over door wreath hangers as we have FINALLY got the downstairs doors stripped and they are going to be the pinnacle of ponceness with themed wreaths for each room :o

I got some lovely bottle lights in last year's tkmaxx sale...full of glitter and a teeny tiny scrolled and tied "Naughty or Nice" List, and they are on an equally bargainaceous heart wreath I got in the fancy garden centre sale

I must buy some oranges and make slices!

oooh and ALDI have the star tree cutters in just now...I didn't look for a price, as I already have one from ages back, but I really rate the quality of their bakeware and stuff, the one I have is super.

Ponce confession time. I went to the range and I sinned.

I bought a garland, which i have been toying with for some time.

I've removed the lights from it, cut it down as it was too long for the hearth. Then used a cheap oasis bowl and some pine cones I collected a few weeks back, and sprayed, and some of last year's sparkly berry things I found in DDs toys(!)

I now have a centrepiece for the table on Christmas day for very little money.

And it'll last for more years to come and could be taken to bits and started again.

That's a work of art, MissMarples. Start your own YouTube channel!

Haha nobody needs my dulcet northern tones on their YouTube!!

Despite saying ‘nothing til December’ (only this morning actually, on the school run!), this happened today.

To be fair, I was potty training Ds so had to be home based and on hand all day. That’s my excuse and I’m sticking to it....

Simple family cards x 20 and a prototype cork reindeer (I want to do an eco decorated tree this year!)

Oh gosh. I am a total Christmas ponse! I didn't realise it was a thing until I found this thread 🙂 I think I may have found my people, I'm going to enjoy reading this whole thread later this evening!

What's everyone's wrapping themes this year ? I'm after white thick wrapping paper The White Company used to sell but can't find any anywhere. Thought about buying a craft roll but may not fold easily. Ideas anyone ?
Thinking red and white candy stripe string and fir cones on wire

I did an audit this morning and checked my wrapping paper stash. I have about 6 rolls of assorted gold, cream and red paper. However, I spotted some gorgeous paper in Morrisons at the weekend. It was a holly design in muted red and green on a white background. I really want to use that with thick red ribbon. I can only justify the purchase if I can find a home for my current stash - I may donate it to the PTA.

I’m doing mine in brown paper this year, stamped with my mini Christmas tree stamp as we’re going eco-friendly! So many lovely designs on Pinterest

Not bought wrapping paper!! Kids will get cheap but recyclable and bright.

Adults....I'll have a look in IKEA. Their is often great.

Great ideas - forgot about ikea.

Day 3 of potty training Ds so I’ve been housebound again, hence one card and a mini garland of stockings!

I have 2 long rolls (9m?) from M&S last year in burgundy with white accents. So to extend my stash this year, they had a nice burgundy with gold accents if I need more, but I got 2x4m rolls of white/cream with burgundy accents. I have plenty of child friendly patterned paper (the Snowman, and some bright Santa patterned stuff - all M&S). With red and white twine to match as my red ribbons are too bright and too shiny, and other colors won’t work, I haven’t seen nice burgundy ribbon.