Poncetastic Christmas 2018

[VivaJen]

I know we have the "Any Ponces Around?" thread but in honour of Fellatio Nelson here is the 2018 Poncetastic Thread.

OK, first of all, I know it's still September by we need to start this thread now because as you all know, having a truly Poncetastic Christmas involves precision planning, strategy, bravery, heroics, and frequently martyrdom. A bit like the war in Afghanistan, only with nicer food and sparkly shoes.

So, if you, like me, actually want to make the next twelve weeks of your life a misery by hand-crafting your cards, finding a huge bucket for Nigella's turkey in brine, pickling pears, shrivelling oranges in a low oven for those rustic au naturel decorations, dragging half a holly bush back from the woods, and just generally being a smug annoying jobsworth ponce, join me on this thread.

Feel free to post photos of previous tree-trimming, cake icing or table centrepiece triumphs, discuss this year's bauble colour themes, debate the merits of Delia versus Gordon, road-test a selection of canapes and cocktails, (all in the line of duty) and link to lovely inspirational photos/craft ideas for a truly Poncetastic Christmas.

Warning: If your idea of a good Christmas involves Pizza, ITV, gravy granules or anything with 'Aunt Bessies' on the packet, this is not the thread for you".

@alanamackree what about coloured twine? Tiger or The Range usually hav rolls of it

Thanks for the foliage suggestions everyone! Will get working on the dried oranges in advance.
I usually put my pinecones in box with essential oils and then into hot press so that they are lovely and smelly by Christmas but in a moment of genius (I hope!) I mixed a bottle of the Zooflora Winter Spice through them. It smells divine every time I open the door.

So far this year I've done , nothing. Usually the cake is at least underway if not done. I'm waiting for DH to bring the cinnamon bark in from the garage ( don't ask) so I can make cinnamon brandy to macerate the fruit.

DS1 has moved back home so I'll be making shed loads of mince pies and I babysit DGS whilst parents are at uni/work so I'll be making some gingerbread biscuits which he can help decorate

I've decided that my other DS and DSiL will get bacon jam, we have some smart jars that we had pate in last year , that will do nicely for it. I'm not creative but may try to finish the wreath I started years ago, it goes up every year but it's just a circle of tinsel

Twine could be nice. I have a few different ones so I’ll experiment. I might try grosgrain and cotton ribbons too. I think I’m just not thinking vintage enough! I’m nostalgic for my 70s/80s childhood but hadn’t considered a more 40s/50s look. I might have a go at aging the paper with a wash of strong tea, though it might be too brittle to wrap with. And Etsy have some digital tags that I quite like so I might play around with some combinations of those and brown/cream packing labels.
The paper itself is just some rolls I saw in Tiger, so nothing very special (yet). I’ll post a pic next time I’m up in the attic

How do you make bacon jam? 😋

Here's some chorizo jam which looks amazing!

Alana This recipe

Hope the link works it's the first time i've ever attempted one!

Sounds intriguing! I was nodding along to the ingredients until I got to coffee. I’m guessing it’s a bit like stout in mushroom soup which sounds grim but adds a subtle depth and earthiness. I’m going to have to make bacon jam now just to get it out of my head!

This photo is from a couple of years ago, as last Christmas we went abroad to stay with DiL's lovely family so it will be all systems go this year with new versions of everything. Lakeland star cutters tree, Nigella Rocky Road complete with reindeer like hers, Marzipan fruits, take ages but a tradition and cake, one of my better efforts with the icing. I have made this year's but not iced it yet. Hope this counts as poncetastic

anything with 'Aunt Bessies' on the packet

I have decided to make a freeze a couple of batches of Yorkshire Puddings , they always seem to work best when I'm bovvered/not bovvered never when I need them to work.

So I'll make a couple of bun trays worth , cool, freezer bag and put then in the chest freezer (they take up loads of room if they work well) . They're not all uniform like Aunt B , but they are a thing of wonder .

Tricky wow that is a sight to behold!

70 There is also nothing better than a good, homemade Yorkshire pud. I'm the same as you though and mine occasionally lack inconsistency which is a shame as i'm a Yorkshire lass n'all

@trickyD is the Lakeland star cutter tree worth getting? It does look pretty

Yes, always. I have had mine for a few years now, since they first brought them out, and it gets used every year. The recipe on the box is just the right amount, but I usually double it so I don't have to be quite so careful with the rollng out it and can make two smaller trees for the grandchildrn with the leftover dough. I think it was about £4.99 when new, worth it even if it has gone up a bit.

i'm not terribly poncetastic but love the idea. Last year we started a new tradition of a craft day for the DCs and any of their friends who want to join in. I just stock up the kitchen with ingredients for cookies and gingerbread and every kind of cutter and decoration under the sun. I also have oranges, cloves etc for Christingles, and foliage for an attempt at a wreath. Masses of glitter, pinecones etc etc.
Then its on with the christmas music and let rip. By late afternoon we are into the prosecco to help things along. DCs are 27, 24 and 16 and it was great fun with assorted teens who thought they were too old for such stuff dropping in to help....
They even did all the clearing up and finished with a takeaway and a Christmas film.

Well I will have a HM pudding this year - DM handed it over last night !

Still working on my poncetastix presents - 2 scarves completely finished, wrapped and handed over so I’d better finish the rest! Oops, nothing like a deadline!

Hello you lovely lot here we go again! I've got a few easy ways to use, and to cook, quinces. In fact it's so delicious I ate up the fruit bit of a crumble filling I'd made with quinces. apple, raisins and xmas spices. That I was GOING to freeze!! !

If you're interested of course let me know!

My mincemeat is ready for the pudding, no one eats Xmas cake so I'll do a nice chocolate one. The major problem (though it's a lovely one of course) is that we're all going to stay in a rented cottage that dd1 and her partner have organised) near the sea so everything is going to need to be transported AAAAAgh

ppeatfruit I've had a few years where we've stayed in cottages and I haven't known in advance the equipment available. But I need to bake. So I measure out my ingredients in advance, putting them in small freezer bags, and put those together in a large freezer bag, along with the instructions and a note of what else is needed. I always bring real butter, so there is a butter paper for greasing as well. I'll bring parchment if necessary, and a cake tin - and I usually find bringing a cookie sheet or a swiss roll tin is useful to either make cookies/flat pastry etc, or to heat up pizzas/sausage rolls/mince pies etc. I've done the pre-measuring with both cake mixes and cookie dough mixes (and if you need to roll out things in a cottage and there is no rolling pin, a clean wine bottle does the job nicely!!).

I've also pre-made decorative bits. So a round top with an image on it - made from a circle of white fondant icing and the image made at home with different colours of fondant cut and shaped - just laid flat in an airtight container to transport. Make cake, cover in buttercream icing, coat side in chocolate curls/grated choc and slap (ahem, gently slide) the pre-made top over the top.

Pre-making works well with fondant covers for cupcakes too - just lay them in the airtight container with greaseproof sheets between the layers of tops (I've done that a few times ahead of time for school bake fairs or parties when I know I won't have time for fussing on the decorations, but I have had time up to a month ahead to get creative with different shapes and colours of fondant, and can throw a batch of cupcakes together last minute and slap the tops on with a spread of (usually also pre-made) buttercream icing.

I got a Lakeland nutcracker/soldier cookie cutter yesterday. Me and My daughter in law and mother in law are having a Christmas baking day beginning of December. I have loads of cutters and cake decorations I’ve hardly used (just had to have them “in case”) so we can have a look through to see what I’ve got and make shortbread and biscuits, rocky road, mince pies, all sorts. I’ve got a narrow kitchen but I’m sure we can manage. I’ve got a dining table in the conservatory we can use too. I’ve made cakes x 2 already but will happily make another one! I’ve also made chutney, mincemeat, pickled onions and puddings. I don’t know who is going to eat it all! I just enjoy making Christmas goodies, makes me feel cosy and “all stocked up and ready”😁 We will have the Nutcracker ballet playing in the background. I really and truly can’t wait!

I bought this cutter in the Christmas shop in Berlin. I tested it on gingerbread!

I'm going to make our pudding soon as I'm off this week. Can't wait, as there's been a massive lull since doing the mincemeat.

Thanks Biddy I 'll take that advice , we're lucky in that dh will be coming later in a car with a proper freezer box (he loves his toys) and I will tell him what to bring out of the freezer that I have already prepped. I've started freezing things like garlic\herby crunchy bread slice for bases for canapes. Also a ready made filling and topping for a veggie shepherds pie.

I'm going off line now till mid Nov. speak to you all then .

Someone mentioned the Booths Christmas Book upthread and... Oh my. Is the food as wonderful as it looks? Considering ordering Christmas dinner from them instead of Sainsbury's if they're Mumsnet approved.

Last year bought the Booth's seafood platter, butter pie, a lamb joint, a giant quiche and some kind of chocolate dessert and was delighted with all of them! Will definitely use this year.

We've had all sorts from Booths over the years. It's really lovely food.

I’m a wannabe Christmas ponce. I’ve been saving links to things from this thread and am determined to make the chilli jam, the delia mincemeat and some flavoured spirits. I’ve already planned to make a Christmas cake, onion chutney, and of course a Christmas ham, all in my slow cooker.

Thanks for the ideas everyone and keep up the high standards set so far!

I am a bit of a lurker on these threads. I love a bit of "complete over the topness" at Christmas. DH and DS1 (9) love chutneys and demand them all year round. So for the last couple of months I have made several different varieties......and I have hidden 2 jars of each in a secret location for Xmas! I now have eight varieties though!!!

Today made Xmas pudding! Is my grans recipe and have to make it every year ( was made a week before Xmas the year I had a newborn!!). Made it with DS2 (4). He declared he is my baking elf, we put on Xmas tunes and ate a chocolate orange while cooking it! Felt very festive. Went to wrap them up for steaming....turned around and he was licking the spoon! There was ALOT of brandy in it...... apparently it was nice