Poncetastic Christmas 2018

[VivaJen]

I know we have the "Any Ponces Around?" thread but in honour of Fellatio Nelson here is the 2018 Poncetastic Thread.

OK, first of all, I know it's still September by we need to start this thread now because as you all know, having a truly Poncetastic Christmas involves precision planning, strategy, bravery, heroics, and frequently martyrdom. A bit like the war in Afghanistan, only with nicer food and sparkly shoes.

So, if you, like me, actually want to make the next twelve weeks of your life a misery by hand-crafting your cards, finding a huge bucket for Nigella's turkey in brine, pickling pears, shrivelling oranges in a low oven for those rustic au naturel decorations, dragging half a holly bush back from the woods, and just generally being a smug annoying jobsworth ponce, join me on this thread.

Feel free to post photos of previous tree-trimming, cake icing or table centrepiece triumphs, discuss this year's bauble colour themes, debate the merits of Delia versus Gordon, road-test a selection of canapes and cocktails, (all in the line of duty) and link to lovely inspirational photos/craft ideas for a truly Poncetastic Christmas.

Warning: If your idea of a good Christmas involves Pizza, ITV, gravy granules or anything with 'Aunt Bessies' on the packet, this is not the thread for you".

Can I ask how other people do labels for your poncey chutneys and jams and such? Normally I design a label with a Word template then print on to stickers, but I wondered if others have poncier ways of doing it?

Not very exciting, but I have just made the first batch of mince pies. We have in-laws from Brazil staying at the weekend; last year we spent Christmas over there and they all loved the mince pies I took. Those however, were boxes from Lidl, as I thought they would survive the journey better than home made ones. In case they prefer Lidl's version to mine, I have two boxes in the pantry as a precaution.

I just remembered that DD1 used to use FIMO for the tree dex not saltdough (though she used that too) the ones that have survived very well are the FIMO ones

I have just bought 2 quinces ( I wish I had a tree!) and will make and freeze a crumble filling with them and cox's apples, sultanas, cinnamon, nutmeg and a couple of cloves. I put a ground almonds and macdamia\pecan topping on it.

Heloooooo my people!!!!
I am so glad I’ve found a safe space to talk about all my Christmas plans because I get mocked in real life!
My Pinterest boards are primed and ready to go, I have just started making some lovely yarn stars, Hestons lemon mince pies are coming in this weeks food shop, the British Red Cross Christmas coasters have been dug out for the kids hot chocolat and I’ve just bought an amazing little elf door and ordered a special letter from Father Christmas.
This year I want attempt to make some simple chutney (all recipes welcome), a cranberry syrup to go in champagne and I’m sure I’ll find more over the next few weeks.
My 7 year old has already made paper chains and decorations for her room.

famished I use an ultra poncey silhouette cutter. You may need to add one to your Christmas list as it’s really essential poncing equipment

www.bbcgoodfood.com/recipes/851645/spiced-cranberry-and-pear-relish

This is Christmassy and easy. I make it every year

I used the glue gun to stick on the foliage sorry can’t find who it was asked that earlier

Does anyone have a tried and tested cinnamon bun recipe? I'm going to make Nigella's muffins, but thought I'd do some of those too, and where better to get a recipe than here?!

I've made two batches of mince pies already and have a load of baking booked in for next weekend, for those things you can make a month ahead and freeze. I've now finished last year's mincemeat and will start this year's soon!

I'm booked onto a wreath-making session the weekend of 8 Dec.

I've just started my second Scandi Christmas cross stitch too.

And, I'm going to make a pepparkakor holly wreath as well, nearer the time! It looks amazing.

I've made a chocolate and cherry pudding for Boxing Day which is stored in the cold understairs cupboard!

Altogether, my mainly-food-based poncing isn't doing too badly! 🎄 🎅

Homemade mincemeat is ready to cook this morning (once I’ve rescued the jars from the post office).

I’ve found a recipe for Christmas pudding in the slow cooker which is exciting.

Aim to make a cake this weekend - anyone recommend a recipe?

NO word for They look delish. I have to make GF mince pies and I use my own almond pastry they are quite easy (and taste lovely) but don't look so good because you can't roll out the pastry so well. I push it into the bases and use stars for the tops like you.

I plan to make a GF stollen too. I LOVE Marzipan!!!!

I have bought enough bits for my garlands, I think. DH won't know what's hit him...I might have to do them over a couple of nights while he's away...

I'm kind of in denial at the moment as work is so manic, but I have hopes and dreams in my head at least. I may yet manage some sewing (again, depends on how many nights DH is away between now and mid-December - I know it's at least 2 next week and maybe 3, and there's likely to be at least 2/3 more trips with at least 1 night each before he stops) for presents. And a tree skirt.

I haven't gotten anything infusing or anything this year - I still have a bottle of limoncello from last year, and sloe gin from the year before, and mince meat from 2017 and 2015. But I will be off on Christmas Eve after all (the Christmas Swim is on Monday at 10am, I thought it might be the Sunday) so I will have more time at home to ponce (although after post-swim mulled wine so may be moving slower than usual).

Currently, I'm working on EMPTYING the freezer (lots of single portions of things and things like berry purees for smoothies, and I'm using leftover Christmas Turkey gravy from last year for Thanksgiving turkey next week). So that I will have room for some Christmas prep and leftovers too.

We're emptying the freezer too. I need to do another audit to see where we are up to.

I am in rented housing and have a very small freezer at the bottom of the fridge, it is very unreliable. I bought a small freezer on impulse two days ago and squashed it in the kitchen, I can now cook and freeze with comfidence.

@PinotAndPlaydough Chutney normally needs three months to settle, but Mr Crawfords Chetna (here: www.google.co.uk/amp/s/dejafood.uk/2017/11/12/chutney/amp/) doesn't and was very popular in our house last year.

I have a practice run for Christmas coming up next week on Thursday - Thanksgiving! I have bought absolutely nothing so far, food wise, but I have a bag of onions, a tin of pumpkin and some evaporated milk so that's a start .

I will look for a small turkey at the weekend, plus potatoes, brussels sprouts, parsnips, carrots, bunch of parsley and some sage for stuffing. Plus cream for the pie.

I make cinnamon roll dough in my bread machine, if that's any good for you, NoWordForFluffy.

Must add cranberries and orange juice to my list. I make cranberry sauce with orange juice instead of water.

@shelley54 I always do Nigella’s easy-action Christmas cake, which despite the faddy name is just a ‘boiled’ / simmer-and-stir Christmas fruit cake with a tin of wonderful Faugier crème de marrons in it instead of eg ground almonds.

I did 12kg of it for our wedding cake and it all got eaten!

Oooh I love marrons Egremont I use the unsweetened ones for my veggie Xmas loaf and sweetened ones for lovely desserts.

I don't make Christmas cake now because no one eats it. It gives me belly ache too!.

I've made that cranberry relish every year in December and it's been fine too. It's a good one with a cheese board when entertaining as it's just spicy abd sharp enough to cut through the creamier cheeses well.

Actually, there's three jars in the cupboard yet. Wonder if they're ok?!!

@mathanxiety, I don't have a bread maker (though I've finally bought a KitchenAid which is a thing of beauty!). Is the recipe transferable?

I make cranberry sauce too. There's some in the freezer. It freezes well. I use the Delia Smith recipe

Noword I don't have a bread maker, but I make a fabulous spelt\rice flour bread it hardly needs any kneading.

mathanxiety last year I hadn't realized that all of the turkeys come in for thanksgiving and have disappeared by Christmas. I managed to find a frozen goose in a Mariano's eventually.

Has anyone a nice slow cooker chutney recipe for incredibly lazy me who wants to cook everything in it

@famishedpotato I usually hand write a label and then scan them and print multiples. Or if you're not keen on handwriting you can download fancy or interesting fonts online, I've done that in the past too and printed onto Kraft labels

NoWord it may well be transferable. I would assume two rises but I'll check the recipe book that came with the machine. Will look it all up and post it.