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Christmas

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Original poster

presents received massively under budget wwud?

184 replies

Nicpem1982 · 19/12/2016 16:06

When my sil and I had children it was decided that we would just buy for the dcs.

We agree a budget each year £30 this year and me and my dh spend that and dn ends up with a lovely present.

Bil has told us that they've bought my dd (age 2) a book from the works for £4.00 and that's all they're getting as they feel my dc has enough presents from other people.

I am massively tempted to split my DNs present into 2 and cover her bday as well do I do this or just be nice and hand over the bag of presents on Christmas morning to dn?

OP posts:
toastyarmadillo · 20/12/2016 03:44

I'm place marking to find out what happens on Christmas day!
I don't think buying a sack of gifts for much loved nieces or nephews is unreasonable, I come from a huge family and have 15 nieces and nephews on my side, I tend to only get them 2 or 3 gifts (well thought out obviously) on DP side he has just 3 nieces/nephews who we don't get to see much due to the distance, we get them a santa sack of gifts. Their parents are struggling financially and if we can afford to make christmas that but more special why the hell not. I buy stuff over the course of the year so it doesn't cost a huge amount and I always include things like clothes that are useful. As the children get older I will reduce it down a lot, no doubt when they get to the teenage years they would be happier with a voucher for a game store or similar. Currently by buying sensibly I can give a lot for a sensible budget. Also kids toys tend to appear bigger for the money, unlike teenage gifts like dvds or computer games, which can be expensive for a tiny box.

Out2pasture · 20/12/2016 04:07

Could you recommend some non toy items the children might enjoy, books pj's etc.
Or do you think bil is pulling your leg?

Baylisiana · 20/12/2016 04:37

Split the gifts....you will still be giving generously on each occasion and your DN will be happy with them. Why not do that in the circumstances?

Also OP I come from a family where extended family including aunts give multiple presents. We have always liked having parcels and one gift would seem odd now, though it is completely reasonable if that is what people have always done. My DM keeps trying to say one thing is enough, to be fair, but she has been saying that for some decades now! My family is quite small and if we had the one gift rule unwrapping would be over fast!

Penfold007 · 20/12/2016 05:42

BIL is playing a nasty PA game, disengage and keep out of it. SIL suggested the £30 budget, you agreed and have stuck to the plan. Just give your N the gifts you have bought for her. Let them show themselves up on Christmas Day in front of MIL and DH. Don't get involved or split the gifts - you will end up being blamed. Keep the moral high ground and let H or MIL deal with them.

KnittedBlanketHoles · 20/12/2016 06:23

Yanbu split the gifts.

SixthSenseless · 20/12/2016 06:33

You have bought the gifts, they are things your Dn will enjoy, just give them to her and be happy that she will be happy.

You never know; SIL might have actually bought (or will buy) something closer to budget and your dd will get more than the book on the day.

You agreed a budget and bought things your Dn will like: don't lower your own standards to match other people's poor behaviour.

If they do give a £4 book, you can match that next birthday. You'll only be that £4 down on the overall total.

Original poster
Nicpem1982 · 20/12/2016 06:58

Spare- I'm not playing a pa game and as I've said multiple times it's the face that he's using Christmas to make some sort of point about my dd having enough presents from else where.

I don't if I'm honest like bil/sil but I make the effort with dn - we take her out through the year, chose nice gifts, have her at sleep overs and plan nice activities etc so I don't think that's relevant

OP posts:
Blueberryblueberry · 20/12/2016 07:36

I'd definitely split op. I also don't get the hassle you've been given for a "bag" of gifts. We also set a budget this year, not because we couldn't afford it but some family tend to go a bit ott (and we have a house full of stuff with 2 kids). One dn has got one bigger gift for the budget as it's something she will hopefully use (a trunkie) as she adored my ds's when we went on holiday together. Another (diff side of the family) has got a bag of about 4 gifts because they are all things he will love- v similar to yours op- pjs with his fav character on, a game which is what I wanted to get him but was actually quite cheap, a little magic facecloth with his fav character on... I would split and maybe revisit after xmas the budget/how many gifts (if that's an issue for them) again so as not to cause a falling out over xmas. You do believe him about the £4 book don't you??? He's not just saying it and then is going to give you dd a massive expensive present to make some sort of weird pa point?? (Because you very reasonably wouldn't/couldn't buy an iPad for their child?) He sounds like an arse op.

Original poster
Nicpem1982 · 20/12/2016 08:03

Oh he's not joking about the book nor is he trying to make a weird pa point.

Me and dh make different parenting choices to bil/sil not better not worse just different and it's a bit of a sticking point for them. it's mainly around how we organise our family life and what we chose to do with in that and how we prioritise certain things.

OP posts:
TheSlaughterOfTheMortificados · 20/12/2016 09:11

It's not about punishing your DN (who will never know any differently), it's about standing up for yourself and your own DD, who is the one who has actually been cut short.

^^THIS and every thing else that Patrick has said. Wise words. Don't be door-matted.

PollytheDolly · 20/12/2016 09:38

I think it's shit what they've done OP. I'd split the presents.

Sierra259 · 20/12/2016 09:42

I was a bit torn about what you should do until you mentioned that they gave your DD an incomplete, second-hand game for her last birthday. Yes, she's 2 and has no real concept of Christmas/birthday atm, but they are being quite weird about giving her presents generally.

You agreed a budget previously. If that doesn't suit them now, fine. But it should have been discussed with you in good time. It sounds like even splitting your DN's presents will give her a nice selection, so I vote to do that and would continue to buy to a lower budget for her in future (say £15-20). FWIW, I also buy my nieces and nephews several presents up to my budget.

pklme · 20/12/2016 10:55

Can your DH ask PiLs to find out what is going on and broker a solution?

Original poster
Nicpem1982 · 20/12/2016 16:12

Pklme - I don't want to involve pil really as they've just started rebuilding the relationship with bil/sil and I don't want them in an awkward situation that could potentially damage their relationship with dn (sil went nc for 2 yrs as pil was looking after dn and took her to the town park with out calling sil first)

OP posts:
pklme · 20/12/2016 19:40

Oh dear, best not to then. Sounds like a minimal contact arrangement may be needed...

MudCity · 20/12/2016 19:51

I'd split the gift into four.

YANBU.

Original poster
Nicpem1982 · 20/12/2016 20:07

I really don't know

OP posts:
thatstoast · 20/12/2016 20:18

Just give her the presents you've bought, life's too short.

More important is where I can buy £30 child's pjs from.

Original poster
Nicpem1982 · 20/12/2016 20:37

Thatstoast - I don't know re 30.00 pjs ours were John Lewis but less than 30.00

OP posts:
Original poster
Nicpem1982 · 20/12/2016 20:59

Yeah they're all wrapped up now she'll have to suffer 😂😂

OP posts:
NewPuppyMum · 11/02/2017 16:59

@Nicpem1982 - what happened on Christmas Day?..

KC225 · 11/02/2017 20:35

Another one wanting to.know what happened

cowssheephens · 11/02/2017 20:57

I would love an update.

SideOrderofSprouts · 13/02/2017 09:13

Aye and me