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Original poster

presents received massively under budget wwud?

184 replies

Nicpem1982 · 19/12/2016 16:06

When my sil and I had children it was decided that we would just buy for the dcs.

We agree a budget each year £30 this year and me and my dh spend that and dn ends up with a lovely present.

Bil has told us that they've bought my dd (age 2) a book from the works for £4.00 and that's all they're getting as they feel my dc has enough presents from other people.

I am massively tempted to split my DNs present into 2 and cover her bday as well do I do this or just be nice and hand over the bag of presents on Christmas morning to dn?

OP posts:
Mummyoflittledragon · 19/12/2016 16:29

Agree with what Wankers said. This is very PA behaviour.

ILostItInTheEarlyNineties · 19/12/2016 16:29

Perhaps agree to lower the budget if they struggle to afford a £30 present.

It depends if you can split the present. Obviously you can't saw a doll in half and give her the legs for her birthday? Or half a jigsaw? Grin
(Sorry I'm being silly Xmas Smile) but my point is; lighten up and don't fall out over it if possible, it's only 'things'.

TinselTwins · 19/12/2016 16:29

I agree it's a max not a target.. i.e. one item worth no more than £30

£30 is a HUGE amount for a small child's present though, is it maybe them trying to tactfully contain your over-buying? why have you bought a "bag of presents" instead of just one in return?

Recieving too many presents from someone is awkward and not enjoyable

HouseworkIsASin10 · 19/12/2016 16:30

It would be petty to punish your niece because you don't think your sibling spent enough on your child

But it's ok for OP's DD to be punished because SIL thinks she gets too many presents? It's not for SIL to decide.

toptoe · 19/12/2016 16:31

Nah, you've bought them now. Don't give to receive and all that.

Next year adjust your budget accordingly.

WankersHacksandThieves · 19/12/2016 16:31

I think it's fine to make allowances when people are struggling etc but OP says they are not poorly off, they are just mean.

LiveLifeWithPassion · 19/12/2016 16:31

They sound awful. I think splitting the present is a good idea. It's still generous. I would probably just give one thing, but That's just me.
I don't believe in always trying to be the bigger person. The other person never sees it that way.
Just be civil, polite and do your bit.

TinselTwins · 19/12/2016 16:35

It wouldn't be "punishing" the DN for the OP to give her just one of the presents

It's normal to only get 1 present each from aunties and uncles and other extended family.

OP why do you buy multiple presents for your DN? is it because you don't have any other family to buy for?

SestraClone · 19/12/2016 16:36

I always like to be fair, so I would give DN just the book like what your DD is getting.

chaplin1409 · 19/12/2016 16:36

This reminds me of my brother and sil we have 4 children and they have 2 so my brother said we should spend double on his as he had to buy for 4

ChocChocPorridge · 19/12/2016 16:36

We've done this a few times. I don't participate any more - if we all agree to buy one 30 quid present, and I do, but receive something I know cost £7 then, frankly, I'd prefer not to do it at all.

This was for adults though, not kids. I think that for kids I'd probably split in this case.

tiggytape · 19/12/2016 16:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SantasLittleMonkeyButler · 19/12/2016 16:36

I would have replied with "OK, just to clarify - you want us to spend £4 on each of your DCs too?"

Things like this should always be bought up well in advance of Christmas (months preferably) and should be mutual. For example "is it OK if we cut the Christmas budget down to £5 per child this year?" before anyone has bought any presents. And only if you are happy to receive a similar value gift back! That way, if anyone does insist on still spending £30 or whatever, at least they do so well aware that the other party won't be doing the same in return. To wait until you've done your shopping is just rude.

I'd also split DN's gift. I'd give the PJ's now (in case she's grown much before her birthday) and anything specifically Christmas themed. Maybe the doll & book for her birthday?

Waltermittythesequel · 19/12/2016 16:37

How is it punishing the dn? She's still getting a decent present!

alotlikeChristmas16 · 19/12/2016 16:37

I usually would try and be kind but the comments about your dd being spoilt would get to me. TBH I'd get whichever person has the primary family relationship to call BIL and say that you've bought £30 of presents and you're splitting it because they haven't done likewise. Not with animosity but I'd tell them what I was going to do and why.

alotlikeChristmas16 · 19/12/2016 16:38

You could say you didn't realise they were struggling and you're happy to adjust down the gift limit - are you sure they aren't? Sometimes people attack as a form of defence.

AmysTiara · 19/12/2016 16:39

Id split it.

ohtheholidays · 19/12/2016 16:40

Do you normally buy your DN a gift for Easter as well if you do I'd split it into Christmas,her next Birthday and Easter it's not punishing your DN at all but it might put your SIl and Bil in they're place bloody arseholes calling your DD spoilt.

TinselTwins · 19/12/2016 16:40

TBF I think you BOTH deflected on the agreement

a £30 budget present implies to me one decent item

You bought FOUR presents for DN, that's OTT if the agreement was one decent £30 item

Original poster
Nicpem1982 · 19/12/2016 16:41

Tinsel - Over buying? I've spent the agreed budget and I've bought 4 presents because through out the last few months dn has made reference to wanting each of the items at some point more than once, and if I can get them in at budget why not?

None of the items are tat the game and book are educational both to help her in an area she's finding difficult at school in a fun way, good quality pjs that match my dds as she fell in love with them when she stayed here and who doesn't love snuggly pjs in winter?

Snow White her favourite Disney princess who she'll have many many hours of fun playing with.

I don't see it as over buying.

£30.00 was agreed between all parties prior to birthdays and Christmas as bil had been regularly asking for high priced items for bdays and Christmas prior to this for his dd.

OP posts:
Artandco · 19/12/2016 16:42

And yes if someone said £30 ish I personally would probably spend £25-30. But I wouldn't have issue is someone else didn't. Or what if gift was retailed at £30 but cost £15?

Really for more than one gift is a bit ott and unusual for a basic Christmas gift from aunt. In future just get one ie just pjs or just a book or a game not all three

TinselTwins · 19/12/2016 16:43

I don't think it's okay to turn up with 4 presents when 1 has been agreed.

And I think that agreeing on a £30 gift implies 1

I think you're causing a problem in this dynamic too!

RainbowJack · 19/12/2016 16:43

She'll still get the presents so it's hardly a punishment. I'd split.

They sound terrible though.

ILostItInTheEarlyNineties · 19/12/2016 16:44

Or maybe agree not to have a budget? I have 3 sisters with children and our family incomes are widely different so we just give gifts according to what we can afford. There's no criticism of each other's gifts.

That said, I agree, it was unnecessary to make a veiled dig at your daughter being spoilt. There seems to be a bit of bitterness and resentment kicking around which is a shame.

TinselTwins · 19/12/2016 16:44

and I've bought 4 presents because through out the last few months dn has made reference to wanting each of the items at some point more than once, and if I can get them in at budget why not?

Because it's too much
Because it makes it awkward for your ILs when you hand over 4 gifts and they're handing over 1 (kids don't understand value, just quantity)
Because just because she wants them doesn't mean she needs them all from you - she has other family
Because it's too much

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