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Christmas

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Original poster

presents received massively under budget wwud?

184 replies

Nicpem1982 · 19/12/2016 16:06

When my sil and I had children it was decided that we would just buy for the dcs.

We agree a budget each year £30 this year and me and my dh spend that and dn ends up with a lovely present.

Bil has told us that they've bought my dd (age 2) a book from the works for £4.00 and that's all they're getting as they feel my dc has enough presents from other people.

I am massively tempted to split my DNs present into 2 and cover her bday as well do I do this or just be nice and hand over the bag of presents on Christmas morning to dn?

OP posts:
Original poster
Nicpem1982 · 19/12/2016 18:27

Wankers my sil is as bad tbh she was overheard at my dds bday party saying that she doesn't see why she should waster her morning at a party for some one else's kid.

OP posts:
TheSlaughterOfTheMortificados · 19/12/2016 18:33

I agree Bogeyface

Got some lovely pjs from Sainsbury for £18.

TWOBANANAS · 19/12/2016 18:37

Buy something for £4.00 as gifts for their child/children too. Fair is fair after all and if they set an initial limit to a budget which they now choose to ignore then so should you. THEY are changing the goal posts and rules for all the children, not you.

WankersHacksandThieves · 19/12/2016 18:50

In that case OP I'd be inclined to suggest/state that you don't bother anymore, they neither want a relationship with your DD or to find something that will give her pleasure in terms of a gift (and that isn't always about monetary value but in the absence of thought and love then ££ is all that's left). Sad as it is, all they want to do is grab something "that'll do". I'd give the entire gift and just make it clear that there will be no more. Shame for your niece but in all honestly she will probably be exactly like her parents soon enough.

LittleReindeerwithcloggson · 19/12/2016 18:53

I would split and then say to your in laws that as they think the children (make in general) get too much nowadays that you think you should stop getting Christmas and birthday presents and go out together instead (cinema, soft play etc) and each pay your own way. We do this with all our nieces and nephews now and it's brilliant (and hassle free)

LittleReindeerwithcloggson · 19/12/2016 18:56

Bit of a cross post there but our thoughts are the same!

Original poster
Nicpem1982 · 19/12/2016 18:59

I'm not sure I could stomach a day out with them we try and take dn out a couple of times a year though so maybe that?

OP posts:
DixieNormas · 19/12/2016 19:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AnneElliott · 19/12/2016 19:12

I'd split the presents. What you have bought is plenty for s birthday and a Christmas.

StewieGMum · 19/12/2016 19:15

Split the presents. And then start a new tradition of Christmas at home/ with friends so you don't have to spend time with someone who wants £30 worth of presents for their child but gives yours a second hand toy that's missing pieces.

Original poster
Nicpem1982 · 19/12/2016 19:18

In fairness we normally have a lovely Christmas Day at pils, I'm very fortunate that I have an excellent relationship with my pil.

Bil hasn't been there for Xmas for a couple of years as there was a minor rift caused by sil. This is the first big family Xmas in a while

OP posts:
rollonthesummer · 19/12/2016 19:32

Bil has told us that they've bought my dd (age 2) a book from the works for £4.00 and that's all they're getting as they feel my dc has enough presents from other people

Did you then say-'ok, we'll do £4 for your DC too'

If not, why not?!

Original poster
Nicpem1982 · 19/12/2016 19:38

Roll - mostly because I'd have to buy something specifically for 4.00 and as much as my bil has pissed me off I want to give a reasonable gift

OP posts:
rollonthesummer · 19/12/2016 19:39

sil suggested the 30.00 each child for Christmas over Sunday lunch after we told bil we weren't buying an iPad mini as that was out of our budget and if she needed it for school then they should perhaps get it sooner rather than later.

They suggested an iPad mini, then when you said no, said a £30 limit then have spent £4?!

Original poster
Nicpem1982 · 19/12/2016 19:41

I know but it's not DNs fault her parents are Arses.

OP posts:
rollonthesummer · 19/12/2016 19:49

Well, they are able to take advantage of your good nature then.

Original poster
Nicpem1982 · 19/12/2016 19:51

If I split her gift 15 ish pounds is still an ok present with out me feeling like I've been taken advantage of

OP posts:
chocolateworshipper · 19/12/2016 22:19

Absolutely split. DN will be perfectly happy with £15 worth of presents instead of £30.

SingaporeSlinky · 19/12/2016 23:04

Definitely split, niece will get a decent present, you won't feel guilty, you'll know for next time.
Fwiw we have a budget with our SILs and we each spend almost exactly that, even making up to the amount with a selection pack etc so it's fair. Or I buy something worth more in a sale, still on budget. Multiple gifts is fine, never heard a rule that it should be one present only. My DC often receive multiple gifts from aunts and grandparents, I would never think they've gone overboard, it's always a set budget so all the grandchildren get the same amount spent.

I would have to say something though or it would drive me mad. Could you message Sil to say you've just started wrapping and want to just check before you wrap DN's that the budget has definitely been reduced from the agreed £30 to about £5 as it seems quite a difference. You could then say you'd bought several gifts but will split them now if that's the case.

It all sounds very strange though, to specifically tell you he's bought a £4 book from The Works after he's asked for an iPad mini for his Dd.

DrinkFeckArseGirls · 19/12/2016 23:08

Yep, as someone up there said: it's be telling hem you're changing the gift to 4 quid as well. Chancers.

Cagliostro · 20/12/2016 00:25

I'd split it.

Is it just me that's imagining the puritanical couple from blackadder that thought a parsnip between 4 for christmas dinner was excessive?

😂 Love that episode. Great Boo's up!

VinoTime · 20/12/2016 01:26

My cousin is notoriously tight and gives the cheapest presents imaginable, OP. And I don't mean that to sound ungrateful at all! She just genuinely doesn't seem to care whether gifts are thoughtful or equally 'fair'. Last year I was seriously questioning scaling back buying for her children after she bought my DD a pack of 3 socks from Poundland - I'd sent Hollister clothing down to her kids. I don't earn very much whereas they are VERY comfortable financially. I was definitely a bit HmmConfused about it.

I gave myself a shake though. I've never bought to receive and I love her children dearly. They also don't have much in the way of family as both my cousin and her DH are only children and his parents are dead. It's not the financial aspect that annoys me truth be told, it's the total lack of thought that goes into the gifts. She has a 'that'll do!' approach whereas I'll spend time picking out things I know people will like. I'll take the time finding out people's interests and what they're currently into, whereas my cousin just seems to grab the first thing she sees for a quid. But I'm not going to punish the children over that. It's Christmas and if I've managed to put a smile on their faces and hit the right nail, then that's all that really matters.

I would give the gift as it is, but if the difference is really going to bug you maybe have a quiet word after Christmas and ask if they want the gift amount reduced for next year?

Bogeyface · 20/12/2016 01:57

Last year I was seriously questioning scaling back buying for her children after she bought my DD a pack of 3 socks from Poundland - I'd sent Hollister clothing down to her kids. I don't earn very much whereas they are VERY comfortable financially. I was definitely a bit hmmconfused about it.

And that is why they have money, because it would take a fucking crowbar to get a fiver out of her purse!

I dont think that you should stop buying for her kids, but really why would you spend so much on her kids when she doesnt bother with yours? Send gifts of course, but I really think that you should scale back what you spend. A tenner each for them would be fine.

Oh and 3 socks?! :o

PatriciaBateman · 20/12/2016 02:15

I would split the gifts.

It's not about punishing your DN (who will never know any differently), it's about standing up for yourself and your own DD, who is the one who has actually been cut short.

Save yourself the (future) extra money and buy something extra for your DD. Your BIL can use the money he was meant to spend on your DD as extra for his own DD (probably already has).

Too often "be the bigger person" is used to mean "roll over and take it nicely" when someone treats you unfairly, and I think that is a huge part of what contributes to ongoing terrible behaviour from certain, more predatory individuals.

Fuck that for a game of soldiers. Give your DN a lovely (singular) present, and bask in the greater fairness of that. Love, real love, starts with you and yours, and extends outward.

SpareASquare · 20/12/2016 02:35

FFS just split the gifts and be done with it!

You clearly do not like these people and I suspect it is this that is driving this whole trainwreck. It's almost as though YOU are being just as PA and hoping to come out on top.

I can honestly say that when I, and now my children, buy gifts it is not against a checklist of what we are going to get in return. Anything else and I'd scrap the gift giving all together tbh because it's nothing more than doing something just because it is expected or because it's always been done. How can there be any enjoyment in exchanging gifts when one party is more concerned that there is an equal spend? So much angst makes the exercise pointless.

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