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Christmas

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Original poster

presents received massively under budget wwud?

184 replies

Nicpem1982 · 19/12/2016 16:06

When my sil and I had children it was decided that we would just buy for the dcs.

We agree a budget each year £30 this year and me and my dh spend that and dn ends up with a lovely present.

Bil has told us that they've bought my dd (age 2) a book from the works for £4.00 and that's all they're getting as they feel my dc has enough presents from other people.

I am massively tempted to split my DNs present into 2 and cover her bday as well do I do this or just be nice and hand over the bag of presents on Christmas morning to dn?

OP posts:
cheekyfunkymonkey · 19/12/2016 16:45

I really don't get this whole agreeing budgets with others thing. Surely the whole point is the giving of gifts in which case you spend what you have budgeted yourself. Some years I spend a fair bit on my sister's kids, some years not much at all. It just depends what I can spare. I don't base it on what I think my kids will be getting Confused

Artandco · 19/12/2016 16:45

Sorry but good pjs cost £30 minimum alone. Pjs , game, books etc all for £30 indicates basic polyester pjs

P1nkP0ppy · 19/12/2016 16:45

Personally if they've given your DD one of their own dd's toys with bits missing for her birthday, I'd be giving as little as possible and agree that both DDs have plenty of presents!
Stingy gits ☹️

MummyStep123 · 19/12/2016 16:45

I'd split it without a second thought. Fairs fair.

Upanddownroundandround · 19/12/2016 16:45

If you are nc with your family bar one person then that is truly weird behaviour from your DSIL/DBIL. It's weird anyway after setting a budget. Reading more on this thread makes me think they are grabby. They set a high-ish budget knowing that you would buy their DC a great present to that amount and then had no intention of buying your DD anything more than a few pounds. This is pre-planned and seriously mean.

I would definitely save yourself a few pounds and split the presents as two presents now and two for your DN's birthday is generous and kind still and will not upset your DN at all.

Hope you have a great Christmas OP.

Original poster
Nicpem1982 · 19/12/2016 16:46

To clarify we both have one child,

tinsel - I have 5 nieces and nephews on my side as I have contact with my sis and they all get a bag of presents and have done since they were born.

This dn is my dh brothers child.

OP posts:
ILostItInTheEarlyNineties · 19/12/2016 16:47

Just seen your update, Bil has been regularly asking for high priced items for his dd Shock

Well frankly that's grabby as hell! What a cheek.

nocampinghere · 19/12/2016 16:48

it's a bit strange to agree a budget, surely?

i buy my nephews and nieces what i want to buy them
i don't feel obliged to "match" what my sisters & brothers spend on my kids, nor dh's family.
some years i'm flushed and i spend a bit, this year presents have all been under £10 (but actually just as nice and just as well received).

it's a GIFT.

Underthemoonlight · 19/12/2016 16:49

Split them to mean a 30 budget doesn't mean you have to get one toy you can get several especially with so many bargains to be had.

TinselTwins · 19/12/2016 16:49

I think what's happened here is they're sick of getting big bags of too much tat when one decent gift would do, which is why the £30 thing was set - i.e. to try and control your bag of gift buying, as it's weird and too much.. but you still mulit-bought even when it was agreed to do one decent £30 present each… so now they can't be bothered with trying to manage it any more and just bought your DC one gift which is totally reasonable.. because the one decent £30 thing wasn't upheld on your end either

Arfarfanarf · 19/12/2016 16:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

nocampinghere · 19/12/2016 16:50

also i wouldn't want anyone coming over with a BAG of presents for my kids. just A present is nice. it's a bit inappropriate imo, they're not santa.

i'd give the pjs and book. that's a lovely present, keep the rest for her birthday.

SestraClone · 19/12/2016 16:51

TinselTwins, I think your way sounds really weird! A budget does not imply one gift, it implies an amount of money to spend. I often but my nieces/nephews multiple gifts to the agreed limit, as does everyone I know.

Miserylovescompany2 · 19/12/2016 16:52

What would I do! I'd split the gifts. No one will be any the wiser and it takes care of birthday and another Christmas. Depending on how generous you are feeling?

Personally, I'd only gift the book :)

TinselTwins · 19/12/2016 16:53

I think I'd be saying ok, that's fine. Is that what you'd like me to be doing for niece then? Only I've bought her several things to make up the £30 but I don't want to spoil her and I'm sure she'll be getting things from other people too. I'll pick one for now and save the rest for birthday and next christmas, shall I?

But I'm petty

Actually, if it was me, I'ld be RELIEVED if the OP sent that message! No more awkardly handing over a gift for their kid in exchange for an awkward and inappropriate BAG of presents in return. I'ld probably reply something like "sounds ideal, more than one present per person is overwhelming anyway"

Original poster
Nicpem1982 · 19/12/2016 16:53

Sestra - us to, even growing up I had multiple presents from aunts etc so did dh. I don't know anyone who has a one present rule

OP posts:
TinselTwins · 19/12/2016 16:56

It's not a "rule", sometimes I give more to DNs if it makes sense (as in, I might give a book and a teeshirt or something like that, wrapped together as one gift), but a BAG of presents from each extended family member is ridiculous

Original poster
Nicpem1982 · 19/12/2016 16:56

Tinsel I don't get your fixation on the multiple gift thing or why in your view it's inappropriate?

OP posts:
AdoraBell · 19/12/2016 16:57

If they couldn't afford anything more than £4 fair enough, but to say that their niece/nephew gets enough from other people is just petty and mean spirited.

I would leave things as is for now as you've already bought, but next year buy similar to what they buy your DCs.

TheSlaughterOfTheMortificados · 19/12/2016 16:58

Agree with Wankers - totally unfair to unilaterally decide that your child has enough spent upon her.

I know we shouldn't give to receive - and if your SIL and her husband had a ow income I would feel differently about this, but if they aren't strapped for cash then they should fulfil your agreement.

YorkiesGlasses · 19/12/2016 16:58

If you gave your DN one of those gifts, you wouldn't be 'punishing' her. I don't understand why people say that, she doesn't know what her aunt has bought! Is the BIL punishing his DN by buying her a £4 book?

If this is going to piss you off - and it would piss me off - consider keeping one gift for Christmas (the book?), keeping one for her birthday, and returning the other two.

And next year maybe bring the budget down to £10. It's none of their business how many gifts your child will get. Of my nieces and nephews some of them have huge extended families, some only have us really. But I treat them all the same.

TinselTwins · 19/12/2016 16:59

because a gift per person is nice, the kids remember who gave them what, a BAG of gifts just becomes and overwhelming pile of tat.. it's too much and it's done more for the giver's sake than for the recieving child, who doesn't need a whole BAG of stuff per person.

A single gift is usually more thoughtful and enjoyable than a bag of "stuff"

Artandco · 19/12/2016 16:59

Bags are just too much

For my own children we buy one main gift and fill a stocking. It's plenty. So for an aunt to them turn up with a multiple seems off.
They get gifts at birthdays , some family buy (one) gift, plus various random bits in year like new books or art supplies.
Any more and we would be overrun with stuff. My eldest is almost 7 years, he still plays with gifts from all the other christmass since he was born as more stuff still great ie wooden train sets.

YorkiesGlasses · 19/12/2016 17:00

*Missed the post about you liking to buy multiple presents. But if it's not going to be a mutual thing with your BIL's family you might want to make an exception there. I assume you won't all be opening presents as one big group?

PlumsGalore · 19/12/2016 17:01

It seems to me that they are using you to buy their DC nice Christmas presents.

I know you don't give to receive but they are taking the piss. Why would they agree to a £30 budget when it is only one way? why not say "oh the kids get too much lets just do a token fiver"?

Did you realise when you agreed to a budget of £30 that this is what they had agreed to accept but not spend?