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Christmas

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Original poster

presents received massively under budget wwud?

184 replies

Nicpem1982 · 19/12/2016 16:06

When my sil and I had children it was decided that we would just buy for the dcs.

We agree a budget each year £30 this year and me and my dh spend that and dn ends up with a lovely present.

Bil has told us that they've bought my dd (age 2) a book from the works for £4.00 and that's all they're getting as they feel my dc has enough presents from other people.

I am massively tempted to split my DNs present into 2 and cover her bday as well do I do this or just be nice and hand over the bag of presents on Christmas morning to dn?

OP posts:
Original poster
Nicpem1982 · 19/12/2016 17:14

Put down- I don't think it is a mine field in real life

OP posts:
ImtheChristmasCarcass · 19/12/2016 17:14

Split the gifts. Then after the holidays ask your BiL if he wants to lower the 'budget' to £10 in the future rather than £30.

I don't 'buy' that just because Relative X has more money than Relatives Y and Z that X has to buy more expensive or more gifts or that they are less deserving because they give more to their own children on Xmas Day.

We set a $25.00 US limit although we could afford more. It makes things easier. We manage to get each other rather nice things for that price.

Bogeyface · 19/12/2016 17:16

I suspect that BIL has massively underbought in a deliberate attempt to punish you for instigating the maximum budget so he can no long expect you to pony up for big ticket items.

SestraClone · 19/12/2016 17:17

So a bag of lovely gifts is excessive but an ipad isn't? rightio!

FearandLoathinginLasVegas · 19/12/2016 17:18

I'd split the present you have bought, and next year agree to £5 spend each 'as that is what your DH said you spent last year' Then you won't get pissed off as even if they spend £1 its a token present anyway.

How is the budget agreed. Do you discuss it, did you suggest the £30, did they? Have they bought into the present buying thing or did you suggest it and they went along with it?

It is so tight to spend £4 on a present when you are not buying for each other and you'd agreed £30, its not even close to the number you agreed. I'd be so cross. Whats the point of agreeing a budget if you don't stick to it! And it definitely seems like they are making a point. But your DD is the one missing out.

Original poster
Nicpem1982 · 19/12/2016 17:18

I didn't buy the iPad mini I laughed in his face

OP posts:
YorkiesGlasses · 19/12/2016 17:20

Well it comes down to what you are comfortable with. Personally I can be very petty and if someone isn't willing to make an effort for MY child, I won't go to a lot of effort for theirs. I would just end up resentful.

The issue is that your BIL is giving off messages that his child is entitled to expensive gifts from you (so apparently will not be at all embarrassed on Christmas Day), but your child is worth a £4 book... That needs to be addressed, and the least confrontational way is to reduce what you give. 'Oh, didn't you say that we should set a £10 budget this year? Isn't that why DD only has this book?'

ILostItInTheEarlyNineties · 19/12/2016 17:20

Judging from OP's comments, I don't think bil is the sort to feel offended if his daughter is given multiple bags of multiple presents , he just doesn't want to buy much for his niece .

I can't imagine there is any solution to this apart from gritting your teeth and arming yourself with a stiff drink during the present opening at Mil's and ignoring the undercurrent of simmering resentment. Grin

I'm sure your 2 year old dd will be happy as Larry with whatever she gets.

Meluzyna · 19/12/2016 17:21

Only read the first page - IMO the "honest" thing for the B-i-L to do would be to give you £25 in cash to put into her savings account.... I suppose you've rather missed the opportunity now to say something along the lines that as she's only little she doesn't need too much stuff so you've opened a savings account for her that she can use for driving lessons or whatever when she's older and that the "rest" of the present can go in there - by cheque or cash, whichever is most convenient for them!

Mondrian · 19/12/2016 17:22

Forget about the parents and agreement is obviously out the window. What would you like to spend on presents for DN every year without expecting anything back, that will then be your budget.

Original poster
Nicpem1982 · 19/12/2016 17:22

Sil suggested the 30.00 each child for Christmas over Sunday lunch after we told bil we weren't buying an iPad mini as that was out of our budget and if she needed it for school then they should perhaps get it sooner rather than later.

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Original poster
Nicpem1982 · 19/12/2016 17:24

😂😂😂😂 my mil will kill him 😂😂😂 I've just thought about that

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MrsWhiteWash · 19/12/2016 17:24

Sorry but good pjs cost £30 minimum alone. Pjs , game, books etc all for £30 indicates basic polyester pjs

I don't know where you are shopping but you can certainly get 100% cotton pj for well under £30 - I know as one of mine can't have anything but cotton and there's no way anyone in family would pay £30 for children's pg and I certainly wouldn't.

You can also find some fantastic deals on books these days from places like the book people - no different from buying from more expensive shops.

OP - I'd split the presents. Ignore any grabby comments and hints in future. DN still gets a nice present.

Bluntness100 · 19/12/2016 17:24

Op, how will you feel if he or his wife change their minds and buys your daughter more gifts and you ve halved yours?

Original poster
Nicpem1982 · 19/12/2016 17:26

Blunt - they won't read my update about my dds bday

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cosytoaster · 19/12/2016 17:26

If this is going to piss you off - and it would piss me off - consider keeping one gift for Christmas (the book?), keeping one for her birthday, and returning the other two. I'd go with this advice.

fwiw we always buy more than one present for each other in our family, think it's a pretty normal thing and a £30 budget isn't exessive

Artandco · 19/12/2016 17:37

Bogey - I'm not snobby. I would happily buy decent clothing from charity shops for a better price of same item. £30 are average for decent Pajamas. I'm sure you can buy cotton pjs from somewhere like next or primark, but they are terrible for child labour and paying adults a fair wage in decent working conditions. Any less than around that and the companies cannot afford to make product using high quality materials, get them ethically made, ethically dyed and transported. Don't tell me a company can make an item of clothing, pay people and transport from Bangladesh and make a profit for £7 retail.

ThoraGruntwhistle · 19/12/2016 17:40

Well said re the pyjamas, Bogeyface, I was thinking the same thing.

Just give DN two of the gifts for Xmas and two for her birthday. Don't enter into any further discussions about presents and buy whatever you think she'd like within a budget you set for yourself.
Sending links to god knows what is bloody rude and demanding especially when it sounds like they've grabbed whatever they've seen in the Works and thought 'that'll do.'

EddieStobbart · 19/12/2016 17:45

I'm beginning to find the word "bag" (or should I say "BAG") very amusing for some reason.

OP, if those present suggestions were for your DN then I agree he's throwing a hissy fit because he wanted you to spend more. If it's not a cash flow thing (I have an agreement with a close friend that we don't buy presents for the kids as she has loads of family to buy for) then he is being an arse to break the agreement. Take his letting you know before the present opening as his way of suggesting lowering the budget and split the gifts.

I thought I just got a lovely pair for Boden pjs for my DD for £20, are they going to be whispers polyester ShockShockShock

dementedpixie · 19/12/2016 17:47

I wouldn't spend £30 on pjs for myself never mind the kids! It's hardly a Santa sack full of toys the OP was bringing in the first place. I would still reduce what you give as they are being stingey with their present.

YorkiesGlasses · 19/12/2016 17:48

Op, how will you feel if he or his wife change their minds and buys your daughter more gifts and you ve halved yours?

They've told the OP they spent £4. If they do decide late in the piece to add more that's on them. It sounds like the Op is going to be giving a gift that's more than that anyway...

MrsWhiteWash · 19/12/2016 17:53

You can get specialist eczema clothing. pj - and I've always found have an understandably large markup from normal clothes for less than £30 - that with the hand and glove design to stop scratching.

I'm therefore a tad surprised to be told you can't normal pg under that without having to be supporting child labour Hmm.

I don't shop at Next or Primark and shops I do use haven't been implicated in child labour scandal though I haven't tracked down their entire supply and manufacturing process.

WankersHacksandThieves · 19/12/2016 18:11

Anyone think that some people on this thread are protesting too much? Is it just me that's imagining the puritanical couple from blackadder that thought a parsnip between 4 for christmas dinner was excessive?

I think they gift you had bought for your dn sounds perfectly lovely and appropriate OP and fwiw, it is one gift, with a few individually wrapped items inside a gift bag. I don't think the OP was giving a Tesco bag for life stuffed with tat...

The OP isn't the one in the wrong here regardless of how that shows other people up to be mean.

OP is there any way you can corroborate this with your SIL without BIL being there? As in a quick call saying that BIL has mentioned that you'd like to reduce the christmas budget, is that correct? If she says yes, then ask what the new budget is and then give accordingly. If she says no and then all you get is the £4 book, then you know where you stand in future.

Original poster
Nicpem1982 · 19/12/2016 18:18

Eddie - they were suggestions for my niece we've only ever given Vague suggestions for presents for my dd if asked like for example thank you for asking she likes duplo/stickers/crafts and games.

Re the pjs they're John Lewis and I haven't followed the whole manufacturing process.

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viques · 19/12/2016 18:26

I would give the present you have bought already but rethink for future birthdays and Christmas. To be honest your child is not going to be looking at the price tags, but I can fully understand how it can rankle.

My sister has 4 children, one year she sent my dd aged about 10 who was admittedly into sewing at the time a bag of really cheap poor quality sewing threads, in lots of colours but absolutely tiny spools , think miniature.

I have to admit that when I was on my own later I had a little rummage ( Ok I ripped the paper to shreds and emptied the reels out of the bag)in the packaging to see if she had sent a cheque or a bank note, but no, that was it. I certainly cut back on the DNS presents from then on.