Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Christmas

From present ideas to party food, find all your Christmas inspiration here.

Original poster

Do I accept invitations or just stay alone?

157 replies

whistlingtea · 10/09/2016 00:33

I'm used to spending Christmas alone, I have since 2000 with only four exceptions, but I thought this one might be different but it won't be due to DPs work.

I've politely declined invitations in the past as its so uncomfortable being in someone's home at an intimate time but this year I don't want to be alone. But I still feel uncomfortable being in someone's home.

So - any suggestions? Grin

OP posts:
drspouse · 13/09/2016 15:21

You really have been drip feeding OP! You kept telling us your DP lived a long way away and worked for the church. Though I suppose (and you really have been withholding details unless I'm totally misreading it) he could work as a job for the church where you live but work as apaid job for the church at home as well?

From your OP it sounded like this was his full time job hence the obligation to do lots of work for the church over Christmas - but it's not his actual employment, as far as I can work out, though I suppose it's still possible it's part of his paid employment.

So if he works for the church near you as his full time employment, does he get Christmas off with them but choose to volunteer at his parents' home? Or is he obliged to his employer to also work for the church at his parents' home?

This is really a straightforward case of "new partner going home to Mum and Dad, but actually I am not sure because I have not actually asked him and I'm too scared to do that and I'm also too scared to accept any invitations from anyone else, and in fact his mum and dad might well be very happy for me to come and stay but it's actually even a tiny bit early in the year for Christmas invitations from a new partner's parents".

As far as you know when you mention to your DP that you'd love to spend Christmas with him, his mum will be on the phone to you within the hour begging you to stay? Won't she?

Original poster
whistlingtea · 13/09/2016 15:28

I didn't intend to drip feed. It's not always totally clear what info people want.

He works for the church on Sundays (obviously) and religious occasions like Christmas and Easter.

Don't know about his mum, the family seem a bit remote.

OP posts:
Kr1stina · 13/09/2016 15:43

I imagine lots of you here have babies and preschool children - would you honestly want to step away from them Christmas Day to visit a friend?

Well I'm don't. And neither does ragwort . You are just assuming . Just as you assume that your friends who invite you don't actually want you.

In fact your new BF might be really keen to spend Christmas together at a hotel near his work / have you to stay with him at his family home. But you won't ask him.

I think your fears are holding you back from changing things . As a PP said, if you want this Christmas to be different, you need to act differently .

Original poster
whistlingtea · 13/09/2016 15:47

I agree fear is stopping me, but my friends do have preschoolers :)

OP posts:
Ragwort · 13/09/2016 16:06

I would have loved an invitation when my DS was a baby/preschooler - stop make assumptions about everyone else. Grin

I'd love an invitation now he's a stroppy teenager - perhaps I could send him on his own. Grin.

drspouse · 13/09/2016 16:07

So, does he work for the church at his parents' home as well as the church near you? In other words, is the work at Christmas at his parents' home a work obligation or just extra volunteering? Is all his work actually part of church services or is some of it e.g. serving Christmas dinner to the elderly?

Also, if you were staying in the area (with his parents or not) would you object to going to his church for one or more services?

All questions you have not answered.

Original poster
whistlingtea · 13/09/2016 16:13

Don't reply if I'm annoying you. I wouldn't object to going to the church services and its voluntary work after a fashion on his behalf but it's all quite intense and I don't think I'd be very welcome.

The problem is you want me to explain something to you I don't fully understand myself but the point is, DP is busy Christmas Day.

That's great ragwort but if that invitation had been to a small apartment with no lifts for prams/high chairs, no kitchen or dining table, just a sofa to eat from? Do you see what I mean - sometimes it's just practicalities really.

OP posts:
drspouse · 13/09/2016 16:22

It's possible for someone to be busy but in a way that means you can join in or go to the services too. And you say you wouldn't mind going to them. So what's wrong with you going to some or all of the services and then doing family things (if it's at his parents' house, more likely not a full Christmas dinner unless that's already their custom, but a Boxing day spread that you offer to help cook, or a walk to get you all out in the fresh air.)

I'd go round for a nice day at a friend's small flat with one preschool DC, especially if either a) small enough to carry in a sling/not be mobile/nap on a large adult bed or b) large enough to play nicely/watch a film/do puzzles/play simple games/take their new bike and go round the block with the adults following. Not all preschoolers need high chairs or prams.

Probably not with two if it's a very small flat but a single (or temporarily single) parent of one small DC would probably welcome the distraction.

And if at our house, an extra adult is great after a few days cooped up with just each other for company!

Original poster
whistlingtea · 13/09/2016 16:31

Yes, but I don't know any single parents with one child.

OP posts:
drspouse · 13/09/2016 16:55

Well if you know any with two or more children (or any non-single parents with two or more children) then if they say "please come over for Christmas so you can distract the children", unless you are actually afraid of children/don't like playing with them/expect to be left to read your book in peace - do jump at the chance. They will be very grateful.

MissBattleaxe · 13/09/2016 17:05

OP, you could save a lot of time and trouble and dithering if you just ring your DP and says "I know it sounds a bit early, but I'll be alone at Christmas and I wondered if I could join you this year?"

All this dithering and assumptions. Just talk to HIM, not us!

And no, we don't all have pre schoolers and feel angry at lonely people.

Original poster
whistlingtea · 13/09/2016 17:06

Some of you do sound pretty annoyed :) and I was talking about my friends with regard to preschoolers, not you.

OP posts:
MissBattleaxe · 13/09/2016 17:41

I imagine lots of you here have babies and preschool children - would you honestly want to step away from them Christmas Day to visit a friend? Or would you honestly want to put them all in a car and bundle them to visit?

I've never come across anyone so negative!

Original poster
whistlingtea · 13/09/2016 17:43

I don't see why it's negative to recognise that the above scenario might be difficult for people, sorry.

OP posts:
MissBattleaxe · 13/09/2016 17:45

It's not just that, it's the fact that you have shot down every single suggestion as not possible or not likely or not tempting.

You don't want to be alone, you don;t want to go to other people, you don't think other people will come to you and you haven't even asked your boyfriend what he's doing!

Original poster
whistlingtea · 13/09/2016 17:47

It's a difficult situation, MissBattleaxe.

Maybe I am in the wrong, and should have given the thread more thought. But when you've got nothing, and no one, and there's one day a year when you're reminded of that it can be tough.

Knowing it yourself is one thing but it's awful when you realise others will see it too.

I think I had better hide this thread. I'm not a negative person but just a bit sad that I seem doomed to spend Christmas alone :)

OP posts:
MissBattleaxe · 13/09/2016 17:53

Please, just ask your DP. You're shooting yourself in the foot if you don't even ASK.

happydays00 · 13/09/2016 18:00

I think I had better hide this thread. I'm not a negative person but just a bit sad that I seem doomed to spend Christmas alone :)

Of course you're doomed to spend Christmas alone: you have no idea how/where you want to spend it, or can't verbalise this; you refuse to take up people's invites to theirs: you refuse to ask people to yours and you refuse to discuss with your DP. I'm sure that once you figure out what you want you will spend a happy Christmas with others but until then....

Original poster
whistlingtea · 13/09/2016 18:08

Of course I won't spend a happy Christmas with others Hmm What a spiteful comment. I'm sorry I've annoyed you but there was NO need for that, at all.

MissB perhaps the truth is I am more taken with DP than he with me :) I can live with that and ignore it but Christmas can be tricky I guess.

OP posts:
Kr1stina · 13/09/2016 18:23

voluntary work after a fashion on his behalf but it's all quite intense and I don't think I'd be very welcome

This is becoming a bit of a theme isn't it ?

but when you've got nothing and no one

You have friends . You must be quite young if they all have babies .

Original poster
whistlingtea · 13/09/2016 18:31

Yes, I do have friends, but I'm sure you don't need me to explain their children, husbands, own parents and siblings, come first. I don't know what you mean by a 'biit of a theme'

OP posts:
OneEpisode · 13/09/2016 18:34

Hi Whistling, thank you for persevering with this. You've been on the receiving end!

Of course I won't spend a happy Christmas with others hmm What a spiteful comment.
I really don't think happy meant anything spiteful in the quoted section. What did you see in the sentence?

OneEpisode · 13/09/2016 18:35

I like the company of my DH, but I am allowed to be happy with others, including at Christmas if I can't be with him for any reason.

MoonfaceAndSilky · 13/09/2016 18:37

whistling, why don't you ring/text your DP now and ask what he is doing at Christmas, as you will be on your own? If he is kind enough to help with the Church I'm sure he won't want you being on your own.
You could book a hotel near to his parents/church, and then meet up at some point with him in the evening/when he has finished his church duties.

Or...you could just sit and mope on your own, which I think you prefer Sad

Kr1stina · 13/09/2016 18:38

What I mean is what I said before about you making assumptions p

eg I don't think I'd be very welcome at his church

My friend don't want me even though they have invited me

Anyone I invite wouldn't come

All volunteering positions are full

Everyone else has someone and I have no one

These assumptions are becoming a bit of a self fulfilling prophecy .

You've even been unhelpful and rude to most of the people on your own threads who are giving up their time to try and help you. Most of them have left.

Tell me, how do you think you could change things so they are different this Christmas ?