Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Christmas

From present ideas to party food, find all your Christmas inspiration here.

Original poster

Do I accept invitations or just stay alone?

157 replies

whistlingtea · 10/09/2016 00:33

I'm used to spending Christmas alone, I have since 2000 with only four exceptions, but I thought this one might be different but it won't be due to DPs work.

I've politely declined invitations in the past as its so uncomfortable being in someone's home at an intimate time but this year I don't want to be alone. But I still feel uncomfortable being in someone's home.

So - any suggestions? Grin

OP posts:
OneEpisode · 10/09/2016 07:10

I think the present opening bit is awkward. There's often an imbalance, dcs get more than elderly aunties. Lunch isn't awkward. Lunch is just food. Good food usually.

Do you have to do Christmas exactly like everyone else? My in laws decide to walk into central London with a pack up (smoked salmon sandwiches etc) on Christmas Day once. They said it was like they owned the whole city...

Lunar1 · 10/09/2016 07:11

I don't see Christmas as an intimate time fir family. It's a time when you help others and all come together. We have had older neighbours, a cousin we'd never met, friend who was going through divorce and plenty more stay for Christmas.

Cric · 10/09/2016 07:11

I love big Christmases, the more the merrier! My DH and I both feel the same about christmas, we invite people because we love the atmosphere that is created..... I say go along and enjoy!

wannabestressfree · 10/09/2016 07:12

Do you have to overthink it? You have been invited so go with the flow. You (shock horror) may even enjoy it.....

Artandco · 10/09/2016 07:13

Nope, we had 10 people here last year ( 6 guests, mixture of family and friends). People literally just turn up with a bottle usually and some random snacks and stay as long as they fancy. We had 7 adults and 3 children last year (2 ours), the adults all muck in together cooking, entertaining kids, pouring wine.
Our two guests of friend with 5 year old daughter planned on coming Xmas day around 11am-6pm ish, they ended up staying until 2nd January. Both very welcome

DoubleCarrick · 10/09/2016 07:17

This is a really tough one.

I completely get where you're coming from but also totally disagree. As a kid, a friend of the family came for Christmas every year after his wife died. He became one of the family. Now, as an adult I often have a friend over for Christmas.

Christmas just gone, a friend was complaining about being on his own for Christmas. I invited him. Due to his own worries he said no. It's his own decision, fair enough, but he really didn't want to be on his own. I kinda think that if he would prefer to be on his own and be miserable than come to mine then that's his decision but I don't agree with it as he's just shooting himself in the foot

ClashCityRocker · 10/09/2016 07:23

Everyone does Christmas differently. For some people, yes, it's a family only affair and for others it's a free for all. For some it's somewhere inbetween.

If they were in the first camp, they wouldn't have invited you.

Is it that regardless of how much they do actually want you there you would feel uncomfortable?

If it's really not an option to go elsewhere, I would suggest...

...postponing Christmas Day until you can spend it with your dp. My dad and stepmum do this if one of them are working Christmas.

...booking into a hotel. Lots of them have a programme of events over Christmas, carols round the tree on Christmas Eve, mingling with other guests over mulled wine etc.

...volunteering? I'm guessing the places might be filled by now.

...going for part of the day. Would you feel more comfortable going after lunch has happened? I used to love people coming over to play games on Christmas Day night.

...can you tag along with your dp? Go to the services or whatever he's doing, help out in a voluntary capacity.

Original poster
whistlingtea · 10/09/2016 07:24

It's hard because although I understand some people may have huge jolly Christmases with hundreds of guests that's not the sort of scenario I mean here, and it tends to be your friend and their husband and children, and you!

So you sit while the children open their presents and obviously that's definitely family time. then lunch. Then generally a walk. Then watching tv. Then some tea. Then some more tv. You're definitely imposing on someone else's lovely chilled family day Blush

OP posts:
Original poster
whistlingtea · 10/09/2016 07:26

Thank you :) Yeah, most places are filled voluntary wise. I could go for part of the day, although it's still all a bit awkward!

It'll be fine :) I'll just have to think how I can make it nice

OP posts:
OSETmum · 10/09/2016 07:37

I'm not sure why people are being so rude to you, this is Christmas not AIBU!

Can you spend any part of the day with your partner?

Can you visit the church for the service ( even if you're not religious yourself)?

Can you decline the invitations from your friends ( and explain why) but ask to drop in for a mince pie and a brew/ something stronger if you don't have to drive?

I'd try to spend at least some of the day with others then plan some nice chilled out things for you eg:

Your favourite foods
A TV/ film marathon
A nice bath with a Lush bath bomb or whatever brand you like
A walk ( other walkers seem friendlier in Christmas Day)

Then gave your own Christmas when your DP is not working.

HungryHorace · 10/09/2016 07:47

Nobody has been rude. We are just pointing out options. It's certainly not an AIBU-type response!

And yes, I would go to somebody else's house if invited, actually.

But you're talking about one friend, I think. Are there others who don't have the whole 'intimate' (in your opinion) family Christmas going on?

Can you do an open house type thing for people to pop in and out as they choose? By making Christmas a bit different you could have a few visitors over the day.

And if you do go to the family you mention, why go so early? If being there for opening presents makes you uncomfortable, can you go later on to save yourself that feeling?

And I agree with others, they want you there. It's your own perception / feelings causing issues.

Hopefully you'll sort something you're happy with. Still over 3 months to get it syssed!

(FWIW, I enjoyed doing it alone when I was younger and single, but I can tend towards hermit given the chance! 😂)

Original poster
whistlingtea · 10/09/2016 08:00

No, I'm not talking about one friend! It tends to be how Christmas is done IME (not saying it's the same for everybody just round here.)

I think sometimes doing it alone can be good, when it's the exception not the rule, I already have to spend a lot of time alone so most stuff is normal to me.

OP posts:
ImperialBlether · 10/09/2016 13:34

Don't you normally get to see your partner at all on Christmas Day? Who does he eat his dinner with?

Lunar1 · 10/09/2016 16:00

I think you need to do what feels comfortable to you. I honestly think your perception is off on this, but you are overthinking it so much I think you would be to stressed to enjoy a Christmas with others.

Original poster
whistlingtea · 10/09/2016 16:30

I'm not really overthinking it. Remember Christmas alone is very much the norm for me.

OP posts:
attheendoftheday · 10/09/2016 16:32

I think it's fine to accept the invitations. I don't think you're imposing as long as you're fitting around their family traditions rather than demanding they do what you want.

I think it's pretty normal to include friend who would otherwise be alone in your Christmas. It was definitely part of my childhood Christmases, various friends of my parent who had no where else to celebrate joining in with us.

Original poster
whistlingtea · 10/09/2016 16:33

I think that's the problem! You end up being "that friend."

OP posts:
OneEpisode · 10/09/2016 18:16

So who do you want to be?
Why not invite people to yours?
Who would you like to be with? Families? Couples? Singles?
And what would you like to do? Trad Christmas? Everyone being their favourite? No-cook Christmas? Pudding first and only eat mains if you have room?

Original poster
whistlingtea · 10/09/2016 18:21

'Who do you want to be?'
I don't understand - sorry.

'Why not invite people to yours?'
Because people don't generally do that. The expectation is that the one on their own goes to the families.

As for who id like to be with, don't mind really. Friends and family. Don't mind what we do :)

OP posts:
tootiredtothink · 10/09/2016 18:21

Honestly? You've decided it's awkward and intimate so nothing people here will say can change your mind.

We're a family of 4 and have only had one guest over. It was one of my favourite Christmas'. He played board games with dd whilst I got on with lunch and I was excited cooking for the extra person as seemed even more of an occasion.

I'd happily have one or more guests over.

i can't imagine you'll be there for the present opening unless planning on getting there very early ?

Just go for it if you don't want to be alone this Christmas. If you don't enjoy it then don't do it again.

NataliaOsipova · 10/09/2016 18:23

Do you know what? If you were my friend, I would invite you and genuinely hope that you would come. I take your point - and agree with you - that it's a family day, but this is also what can make it bloody stressful. I'd be absolutely delighted to have a friend join our Christmas as it would dilute the whole "day with the parents and/or inlaws" thing. I had my Mother, MIL and FIL last year and could have torn out my hair by 4pm. I'd be delighted to have you round to ours this year!!

Original poster
whistlingtea · 10/09/2016 18:24

Lol there is that Grin

OP posts:
NataliaOsipova · 10/09/2016 18:29

Plus - when you're talking about an invitation for Christmas, it's a bit different from a "oh, we must have lunch sometime" sort of thing. I don't think anyone would ask you if they didn't genuinely want you to come.

Original poster
whistlingtea · 10/09/2016 18:39

I think they do as people feel very uncomfortable at the thought of someone being alone. Even if you stated a thread here for instance people would say 'oh come to ours!'

OP posts:
OneEpisode · 10/09/2016 20:50

I don't recommend you come to mine. My dc has SN and behaved awfully last Christmas.
Whistling, you said you end up being "that friend". So I said who do you want to be in response... That's all.