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Christmas

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Original poster

Do I accept invitations or just stay alone?

157 replies

whistlingtea · 10/09/2016 00:33

I'm used to spending Christmas alone, I have since 2000 with only four exceptions, but I thought this one might be different but it won't be due to DPs work.

I've politely declined invitations in the past as its so uncomfortable being in someone's home at an intimate time but this year I don't want to be alone. But I still feel uncomfortable being in someone's home.

So - any suggestions? Grin

OP posts:
SaggyNaggy · 12/09/2016 08:28

I'd be booking myself for a Xmas dinner at a nice place, eat, drink and be merry. Then I'd be off home and plonk mesen in front of the telly with a bag of nuts and tub of chocolates.

Or I'd be off on holiday to somewhere and have Xmas ookn the beach.

Have to say though op. Not sure what the point of this thread is?
"Should I stay alone?"
"No, go to someone's"
"Oh but I can't, it'll be awkward"
"Stay home then"
"Oh but I can't I'll be lonely"

Grin
LongBookLargeTea · 12/09/2016 08:47

Having been the 'extra' on Christmas Day from when I was 18 until I got married I now love having extras round to mine - it actually feels less Christmassy when it's just the 5 of us. I do understand about feeling intrusive though - especially at present opening time. You could stay at a hotel or, if you stayed with them, would it work to claim a tradition of a long solitary walk and tell them you'll take that while they do gifts and have some family time? If you arrange that well in advance then it shouldn't be awkward in the day to do it? And you can use the opportunity to call your DP to say Merry Christmas in private Smile

MoonfaceAndSilky · 12/09/2016 09:51

Last year DH went to do a ward round and came back with 4 more people who I hadn't catered for. Not enough matching plates or chairs but plenty of booze luckily I also burnt the roasties.

Sounds fabulous Smile

OP can't you meet up with DP after his church duties and have a little Christmas time together, then both go to his family on Boxing day?

Original poster
whistlingtea · 12/09/2016 10:03

Am I being obtuse? Sorry, I didn't mean to be. I'm just thinking out loud. I don't think I've been rude but if I have it was unintentional and I'm sorry :)

No, I don't know any other single people who will be alone. It's quite unusual really I think?

OP posts:
CotswoldStrife · 12/09/2016 10:06

OP, I suspect what you really want is for the new partner to sort something out for you. Have you asked him, I don't see why not?

Otherwise - fair enough if you don't feel comfortable in someone else's home, but you could certainly invite people round to yours. How about an escorted holiday, I've seen ones that run over Christmas with trips on Christmas Day and lunch included - have a look. I know someone who spent CD on the Great Wall of China and it was fab!

Original poster
whistlingtea · 12/09/2016 10:12

I don't really know what I want Cotswold :)

I've spent most Christmases of my adult life alone and I guess I did think it might be different this year. But it doesn't look like it will be. But I still want it to be.

Yes, technically I could invite people to mine but pretty much all my friends have marriages, babies/toddlers - am I really to issue an invitation for them to come here? That's not really practical and it would lead to uncomfortable declines and then possibly a bright 'oh but come to ours!' So back to square one really? The problem is people issue invitations not because they want you there but out of a sense of guilt, I mean I know some would be horrified if I actually took them up on it! Grin

OP posts:
ImperialBlether · 12/09/2016 10:58

The thing is that it's your boyfriend who should be saying, "Oh you can't spend Christmas on your own! Spend it with me - I can't be there all day but I'll be there for some of it."

MissBattleaxe · 12/09/2016 11:20

OP, I'm getting confused. You seem to be going round in circles.

You don't want to spend Christmas alone.

If someone invites you to theirs, you don't want to go because it is "intrusive" and you are only invited out of duty.

You don't want to invite people to yours because they won't want to come.

Your DP will "probably" spend it with his family but it doesn't sound as if you have even asked him.

There are two ways to spend Christmas- alone or with people. You are saying no to both. You need to make up your mind.

MoonfaceAndSilky · 12/09/2016 11:21

Yes, what does your DP say about you spending Christmas alone??
You say you want it to be different this year but everyone's suggestions on here have been rejected Hmm

flapjackfairy · 12/09/2016 11:45

Is this thread really about your disappointment because your hopes were raised that your Christmas this year would be about you and your partner sharing a special day and you now fear that is not going to be the Case? It is likely you will once again be alone ? If I am way off please ignore but is this at the root of your confusion over the type of xmas day you would truly Like? Why not grasp the bull by the horns and ask your partner straight out or better still tell him what you want to do this year. Sorry to have wandered into relationship territory as you are only asking for advice regarding christmas day. If too intrusive apologies and ignore.

Stillunexpected · 12/09/2016 12:01

You partner can't be working all day on Christmas Day can he? So why don't you go to him on Christmas Eve and spend whatever portion of the day he isn't working together? If he is planning on spending time with his family, it must be logistically possible to get to them from wherever he lives so you can go with him, can't you?

drspouse · 12/09/2016 12:08

I don't get why you don't just go and stay with your DP (I assume if it's an awkward journey you don't just date in the evenings, you do stay over?), do what he's doing as much as you can on Christmas day, and then have your own Christmas meal/presents the next day?

So assuming he's participating in services (musician, church warden) go to as many of those as you can stand (unless your own religion precludes this, in which case hang out at home and watch crappy TV!). If he's doing a homeless meal, tag along and wash up (those at churches are not going to be full of volunteers at this stage, and your own convictions aren't going to interfere with pouring a load of tea).

My friend whose dad was a minister used to be dragged to all the services on Christmas Day, help serve the dinner for the elderly and alone (when younger they just looked cute and when older they actually helped). Then on Boxing Day they cooked their own meal and opened their own presents.

Waltermittythesequel · 12/09/2016 12:18

If you're willing to travel and stay at a hotel, what about staying near your DP's?

You could spend the time that he's working having a lovely bath, drinking champagne and eating chocs, then you could meet with dp and either spend the day together or with his family?

MammouthTask · 12/09/2016 12:38

For various reasons, my PIL have had their Christmas meal in the evening and you know what? It feels very right too.
So I would stay with your DP the night before, do the 'let's open the presents' if you. Then he goes to work and you sort out a nice Christmas meal during the day fur you two.
Look at airBandB to find somewhere you can cook.

Ragwort · 12/09/2016 13:45

Like others, I can't understand why the OP won't explain what her DP does and why she can't join him in whatever he does or surely he can be around at least for the evening .... in which case you can have a lie in/go to church/go for a walk/watch a bit of tv and prepare the meal?

Is he a Samaritan on a 24 hour shift Confused?

CotswoldStrife · 12/09/2016 13:52

You can invite people round on Christmas Eve or Boxing Day if you prefer.

But if you won't speak to your new partner about it, he's going to fail the test you are setting him about being together over Christmas.

Redglitter · 12/09/2016 13:53

I'd love to know what and why the big mystery about why he's away all Christmas Day. Even those of us who work long shifts over Christmas still have time off on the day itself

ImperialBlether · 12/09/2016 14:08

Is he married and spending Christmas with his family?

HungryHorace · 12/09/2016 15:11

I thought that, Imperial...didn't like to ask though!

Original poster
whistlingtea · 12/09/2016 15:39

Of course he isn't married. But he is going to be working at a church in the east of the country. So maybe I will just follow him there. It's a newish relationship and I don't want to be too pushy. As for what I wanted out of the thread I don't know. Next time I'll be sure to put a clear objective and outcome Hmm

OP posts:
MissBattleaxe · 12/09/2016 15:48

How often so you see him? What kind of job does he do? Does he live near the church or will he just be sending Christmas there?

Original poster
whistlingtea · 12/09/2016 16:35

Just spending Christmas there. He is doing some work in the church he was heavily involved in during childhood/adolescence.

OP posts:
Ragwort · 12/09/2016 17:24

You say you have spent every Christmas alone since 2000 (apart from 4) - so how did you spend those Christmasses on your own? Are you happy to do the same or is the fact that you have a boyfriend now that makes you not want to be alone?

Some colleges/schools often need 'lodgings' for overseas students at Christmas - would that be an option worth looking into?

Original poster
whistlingtea · 12/09/2016 18:28

Yeah it's having a boyfriend now. It's always been just a normal day, quite sad and boring Sad

OP posts:
ImperialBlether · 12/09/2016 19:20

Could you talk to him about it? Tell him how many Christmases you've spent alone and that you would love to spend it with him? Surely he's a decent man and would ask you to be with him?