Are we being stingy?

[Lones80]

DS will be 3 in a couple of weeks, DD is 1 shortly after and then there are only three weeks until Christmas. We expect that between them they will get a mountain of toys from family and friends.

We're planning on getting DS a Knights' castle for his birthday and a balance bike plus stocking filler for Christmas and DD a Fisher Price door for her birthday and a trike plus stocking fillers for Christmas. Both will get PJs for Christmas Eve.

However, I've been to the other parenting website for the first time today. There's a thread where people have taken photos of all the gifts for their DC and the number of gifts some people have bought is staggering to me.

As they both have winter birthdays we buy small toys and gifts throughout the year. We are trying not to spoil them, but are we being too stingy?

Mine are 3 and 1 just after Christmas as well. My eldest was totally overwhelmed last year and was still opening presents days later (although we did have a hiatus to give birth to his sister!). We didn't go mad, but with stocking fillers that he likes just as much as the main presents, plus things from grandparents and uncles, there was loads of stuff.

If you're stingy OP, then I'm in a different league! I found the weirdness of NM's piles of presents quite obscene in a lot of posts. I think a few thoughtful presents is far better than lots of 'stuff' to go with it, plus stocking fillers etc.

You are not being stingy, op.

I don't think everyone on Netmums is being ott either, and I do like looking at what others have bought. (I am very nosey though).

In all honesty I do think a lot of posters have a tendency to downplay the amount they have bought on Mumsnet.

I think everyone should do Christmas however they like.

Also, a child that gets lots of toys at Christmas may not get anything throughput the year, and vice versa.

• throughout the year, obviously.

I get that

Oh good .

I was asking last year what people thought of hudles etc I was thinking of getting my then 6 year old one.

It was a balanced debate but in the end I erred away after child developmental people and child psychologists came on to say too much screen time is bad early on. Also it promotes a different wiring in the brain, something about instant gratification etc, not using imagination and so on. Aside from giving parents a break there is nothing in it for the child ( unless, SN where it can be enourmoulsy helpful).

So for the time being I am abstaining for as long as I can. I also wanted to get my 6 year old reading properly so she knew if she was bored she could pick up a book.

She watched TV and plays on DH phone. So for the time being I am holding off for as long as I can.

I am sure most people dont ever 100% utilise all the tech on their i phones/i pads and so on.

I found the weirdness of NM's piles of presents quite obscene in a lot of posts

Hold on, ops dc will get a mountain themselves though, just from other relatives.

My ds is 13 and dd 16. Birthdays August and November. They got large presents ( him TV, her IPOD touch). They know they will not get large gifts for Xmas, there is nothing they need. They will have stockings, with books, DVDs, and a couple of other bits. Xmas Eve bag with new PJs and hot Choc. I usually buy a new game for everyone to play. They will be quite happy ( I think!)

Hello

If they are getting so much off other people and its birthday too, they won't need or want anything else.
Please don't bother what others do as well as those spending thousands there are others who are homeless this Christmas and won't be able to afford anything.
So I think somewhere in between the two is something to aim for. I do think as they get older they actually need more and xmas can be a time when you cover necessities as well as the odd luxury.
I never buy underwear or smelly stuff at other times of the year if I can avoid it and do it all at xmas.
Your kids will be more than happy with what they have, I promise.

Hmmmm I don't think you are being stingy, but I don't think the netmums thing is obscene either (maybe a bit boring unless you are 'friends' with the person (I only looked at first and last pages though so maybe I missed the crazy pressie piles?). the hampers are nice to see.

Anyway I think some people want their children to have a christmas that maybe they didn't have (like my dp who always wants to buy too much - I always feel sick when I see how much my 3 have when its wrapped). Maybe they spend a lot of time looking for special offers, save through the year etc so they can afford the gifts and have put a lot of effort in to it and are proud of what they are providing for their children or excited etc.

Actually I was just thinking its a good way to assess how much you have bought and stop from overbuying/under buying for people with more than one child, but what if your dc happened to find the photo of all their presents on the PC/phone in november

Yumy - That thought had crossed my mind too. If your child found the pics it would totally spoil the magic.

My two have December birthdays, and I think your suggestion is fine. They don't need huge amounts of stuff, especially when younger.

Last year, when younger ds had just turned two, he got his older brothers touys from the loft wrapped up for Christmas - he didn't care the fire engine wasn't in a box as long as it was wrapped up so he could tear the paper!.

We have occasionally had half-birthday parties for nursery/school friends instead of a birthday party, mainly to spread out all the cake and presents, have a party outside, and, I'm afraid, sometimes because I didn't get organised early enough in the winter! We still had a small family celebration in December.

This year for his 8th birthday at the start of December, the elder is getting a Lego Advent calendar, a new winter coat, new pair of trousers and a much needed new schoolbag (with a Minecraft theme). He'll be getting more for Christmas with the stocking plus presents but many of them are second hand Playmobil that I've been collecting over the year.

No not stingy at all.

My 5 will get one big main present (playmobil dragon castle,puppet theatre and puppets,wooden dragon castle and tolls,peppa pig rocket,fisher price little people princess castle)

then 2 under the tree presents (sonic and mario toys,frozen stuff,more peppa pig stuff,toy dinosaurs,fisher price little people carriage)

stocking with all the usual stuff,chocolate orange,bubbles,joke toys,stuff from the pound shop,pens,pants,socks etc (this is the only thing we say is from santa and they love them!)

I have 5 so i have to limit the amount i buy them else there would be no room to move.

My mum has bought the older 3 a hudle each and the younger two a toy kitchen from ikea. Exdhs family will buy them presents too,there will be 5 or 6 more from them (each!)

I think the op's original list sounds perfect.

When I asked my youngest what she wanted for Christmas a couple of years ago aged 6 top of the list was her own packet of bluetack. I think kids can be overwhelmed easily and as they get older their expectations increase so it is good to keep it simple when they are younger.
I read recently on MN the following and loved it.
Get them Something they want
Something they need
Something to wear and
Something to read.
What more could a child want? Mine prefer their stockings to anything else and I get them stuff that I will have to buy anyway such as underwear,pens,socks,PJ's etc.

Not stingy but then I don't think the other people are wrong to buy so much so long as they can afford it and the kids appreciate it.

I am surprised by the lady with the Xbox, toys, iPad mini etc but I'm surprised by people who choose not to buy anything. I admit I kind of envy the latter though because they must be more sensible than me!

My kids are 4 and 7 and get a lot for Christmas in my opinion but I agree they get overwhelmed by too many presents.

Whatever works for you and your family , especially at this stage, is absolutely fine.

Contemplating going to the sparkly side to laugh at these pics of piles of presents being paraded to strangers but I'm not sure if it is worth being tainted by Huns and sparkles......

I like seeing other people's pictures of the presents they buy, mainly because I am nosey.

I think I buy more that generally seems to be considered acceptable on Mumsnet but I don't think it is enough to be considered ridiculous or extravagant, obviously that would be a matter of opinion.

For anyone who is interested the boys have nine presents each, one to share and a stocking each.

I take photos of the presents, I use it every time I am tempted to add something to the list. I can look at the picture and think how excited they will be by what I have already brought and that nothing else is needed.

Generally I am happy with what we do and find it works for us as a family. I think that is the only way you can do it, there is no one right way that can be applied to everyone.

Truly at those pictures. I think it's really vulgar to be honest.
We're like you OP. the dc get a main present and then a stocking. The stockings aren't tiny but they're sort of secondary presents. Plus a Christmas eve hamper and that's it. Each to their own an' all but I don't believe in spending more than we can afford. plus Christmas is more than piles and piles of toys.
dc2 will be 1 in Dec too and it's difficult enough to find a fair amount for him.

I think mine get a lot more than what a lot of children do, I do get carried away, I start buying early in hope to be finished by the end of November but I often see other things I think they will like, they probably get around 25 presents plus a stocking which contains things like pants! tooth brush and chocolate coins. Both of my dd's have autism and it's not often I get a reaction or excitement out of them so Christmas has to be big as I love seeing them jump around with excitement.

They don't get much from family or friends so the only presents on Christmas Day are from us/Father Christmas. I never buy anything full price ( use vouchers, codes, sales ) and I never buy anything we can't afford. Birthdays are always low key, they never have parties and only a small gift, we don't go on expensive holidays or days out, so I feel it's ok to spoil them for Christmas. I know not everyone will agree with me and it's up to individuals how munch they spend and how many gifts their children get but this is how I like to do it . My dd's are grateful for everything they get and everything gets used/played with.

I love Christmas and it's not just about presents, we go to church, we enjoy the school plays and enjoy visiting family ( and dd2 really enjoys the food ).

Do what you feel is best for your family, I'm sure Christmas will be special how ever many presents they get.

The only thing which offended me on that link was the use of BROUGHT in place of BOUGHT.

I KEEP SEEING THIS! WHY!??

My son was nine months old on his first Christmas. His dad and I spent a grand total of £20. We were skint - he was NQT and I was a student. We got a tonne of stuff from family and friends. We have a picture of him lying on the sofa having his morning bottle surrounded by a pile of presents he couldn't be less interested in! He was pretty pleased about having mum and dad all to himself with neither of us working/studying for a day though.

Holy guacamole!!
OP, those photos say such a lot about the people that posted them....

We can spend what we like on christmas gifts, and i can tell you that our kids won't be getting anything like that, nor would they expect it. These people are so stupid, their kids won't give a crap about all that stuff? And what happens when they are teenagers, and into more expensive things. Will these kids expect massive piles of stuff on Christmas Day?
Pure ignorance, and such a disgusting way to behave. Photographing what you have bought your kids and posting it on the internet?!
I really have heard it all now.

1 and 3 year olds really don't care what you get them. A stocking and some exciting paper will make them both happy as anything!.

Besides it isn't having lots of presents that makes a Christmas magical imho. We were pretty skint when I was young but when I was very little (before my family went all pear shaped) we had lovely, magical Christmases with a small number of second hand or very cheap presents between the 4 of us kids.

I remember one of the best being when my mum just got us all a really big cardboard box full of paints, paper, glittery things and craft bits. We had an amazing time playing together with it all. Apart from a stocking and a few other very small bits we didn't get anything else from them that year. It was still the best christmas ever though :)

I have just had a quick look through the photos on net mums, a lot of the piles seem fine to me though some are just full of tat ( I would rather buy good quality toys and spend a bit more rather than bulk up a pile with Christmas themed tat ), the lady buying her toddler a iPad is just crazy . I like the piles of playmobil even though it's quite a lot I'm sure it will all be great fully received and played with ( rather than a pile of tat ). Yesterday I finished my Christmas shopping for the dd's and I bought dd2. (8) a big lego set and a sylvanians family school which she has been asking for, these are her main present, because they were 3 for 2 I got dd1 a lego set for free. I agree that younger children don't need as much, you are better off buying one or 2 good quality toys that are going to last rather than piles of tat which will get chucked into the toy box and end up in bits.

My dd's are 8 and 10, I have spent around £160 on dd1 but because I have used vouchers and sales she probably has £250's worth, I havn't got much to show for it and her pile isn't very big but she understands that this year less is more. I have spent around £120 on dd2 and she has a huge pile due to not paying full price for anything and using 3 for 2. I havn't bought them any chocolate, no pens or stationary and no Christmas themed tat, dd1 does have some clothes but this is the first year I have bought clothes for Christmas presents.

Some people seem to be going a bit OTT with Christmas Eve hampers, something that started as 'new pj's' has grown into 'pj's, hot chocolate, Christmas movie, a book slippers etc..etc.., doesn't this make the big day just less exciting? We are doing new pj's and a lush bath bomb.