Are we being stingy?

[Lones80]

DS will be 3 in a couple of weeks, DD is 1 shortly after and then there are only three weeks until Christmas. We expect that between them they will get a mountain of toys from family and friends.

We're planning on getting DS a Knights' castle for his birthday and a balance bike plus stocking filler for Christmas and DD a Fisher Price door for her birthday and a trike plus stocking fillers for Christmas. Both will get PJs for Christmas Eve.

However, I've been to the other parenting website for the first time today. There's a thread where people have taken photos of all the gifts for their DC and the number of gifts some people have bought is staggering to me.

As they both have winter birthdays we buy small toys and gifts throughout the year. We are trying not to spoil them, but are we being too stingy?

My girls are lucky to have a large extended family who are generous to them, we too (I thought) are not stingy, but some of those piles are ridiculous IMO.

The last post must add up to almost a grand, what does she use for bribery?!

Urgh hate how the pictures are described as, 'so-and-so's stash/ pile' it sounds so grabby!

My 2 DC are 3 and 2 and they will be getting 1 large present each + little nick-nacks and chocolates. At such a young age all they really want is happiness and love and I do not think those things can be bought!

Oh my goodness 'he's 5 this is his stash (massive amount of expensive toys including an xBox), he only needs a few more bits and his iPad mini and he's done' What the fucking fuck?

OP you sound very sensible. Ours get presents from a lot of family so we try not to go overboard, one main present and a couple of smaller things, and then a stocking with some chocolate, pens, books etc in. If we spend £100 per child I'd be really surprised.

Oh god it gets worse - the 5 year old's younger brother is also getting an iPad mini - he's two! Hahaha people are idiots

I thought those pictures and posts were a bit vulgar tbh.
Most of those toys will no doubt be broke or discarded by New Year.
I suppose it gets more difficult as they get older but ffs a two year old does not need an ipad.

My DS is nearly 3 and I won't be spending much. He still doesn't really understand, so I am getting him a few small things that I think he will enjoy.

I would rather spend the money on quality time together as a family, whether that be a holiday, or a day trip. But each to their own!

That posters DCs "stash" increases day by day on that thread, where does she keep it all!

No you're not. And can I advise you to start as you mean to go on! I made the mistake of giving PILES of gifts to mine in those early years which is easy when it's toddlers you're buying for.

now they're 10 and 6....not so easy to accomplish!

I've got ds (5) around 10 gifts plus stocking but we have no family to buy from him so apart from a small gift from his godparents (usually book or clothes) he won't have anything else,
If we had a big family I would probably buy only 3 or 4 things.

I think it sounds plenty, they are still very little and I agree that children can get overwhelmed and it spoils it for them.
That nm thread was ridiculous.

We are exactly the same as you right down to age gap, ages and gender.

We will buy roughly the same as you.

I have fallen into the habit of setting aside an amount to buy 'something' over the summer with them both being winter babies. I bought a playhouse the first year I did this, a bouncy castle this year and may get a slide next year.

My nearly 3 year old does actually have an iPad (insert guilty face).

In my defence, it was my old one, it was on its last legs so I bought a toddler proof case and downloaded a load of free apps. It's great for flights and long car journeys which we do quite regularly as we don't have family near by.

No need to feel guilty Lones80. Giving DC your old one is not the same.

Lones80 Buying 1 ipad is very different (and normal) to buying an entire stash of toys and gadgets for a 3 year old (not normal). I'm sure a lot of parents let their 3 year olds use ipads :)

We are actually thinking of getting nothing for our dd this year! Will do a stocking with some bits and bobs in but that's it. I don't think we are being stingy - she has 2 sets of grandparents who go over the top and buy her loads, last year she was overwhelmed by so many presents. I've tried asking the grandparents to tone it down but they won't - so we will save our money this year I think

That is not how I would do things and I guess to some extent if you post pics online you are inviting judgement, but still it seems bad form to me to link to those pictures just so everyone can take the piss and feel superior.

You may think it's over the top but spoiling your kids on Christmas Day is hardly crime of the century and so what if she's showing off a bit? Maybe she can't do that irl and is just excited.

I have a similar age gap but we don't buy much throughout the year, we don't have a big family, so I'll be getting them 4-5 presents from us plus a stocking. The baby will be one a few days after Christmas and she will get about similar then. They will be next stage toys that will see her through the year and some cuddlies too as she doesn't have much of a collection yet. If she looks overcooked on the day I will save some to give her later, or open a token couple and bung the rest straight in the toy box to discover another time.

My 3 year old I struggle with. I think less is more in terms of things being valued and played with, but I say no all year and he is not a grabby child so it's hard not to spoil him, and he is just starting to get genuine interests. He always opens things slowly and has a good play before moving onto the next thing.

The thing is we don't have much money, but if I spread the cost and look for deals I can treat them at Christmas, but if I gave them a satsuma and a kinder egg I wouldn't be a better person.

I wouldn't give my 3 year old an Ipad of their own at all. We all draw our lines in different places.

sootgremlin please don't think I posted that link to take the piss. I started this thread because I saw what other people had bought and was genuinely concerned that in our efforts not to raise spoiled children we've swung the other way and aren't spoiling them enough on Christmas Day.

The people on that thread seemed genuinely excited about their gifts. This is the first year DS is really aware of Christmas and I want it to be as magical for my DC as was for me and is for other children.

I think given their ages, I won't buy any more gifts but get a couple of things throughout the year. Other people are right, it's not just the gifts that make it magical but the build up/ time with family etc. As they get older Father Christmas may get a bit more generous.

Mine are 3 and 1 too. I've spent about £60 on DS and will spend the same on DD. I really don't think there's any need to have a mountain of presents at their age. There will be plenty of time for that once they are older!

Yes, I get that wasn't your point lones80, and you were asked to link. Some of the comments after seemed a bit mean spirited though.

I think what you are planning sounds fine, they won't know at this age. Last year someone asked my ds what Santa brought him and he said a toothbrush

The mince pie and carrot business was his highlight and probably will be again this year.

OMG genuinely shocked by some of those "stashes". For 2-year-old! My nearly-2-yo's favourite toys are a £2.50 plastic teaset and a big cardboard box with the word "cafe" painted on the side

You're not being stingy at all and it sounds like you've picked some nice gifts. I wouldn't worry about what other people are buying, your children will love the presents you give them.

I've had a look at the other site though and I actually like the photos, it's not something I'll be doing but it's nice to see what other people are buying. But then I'm someone who likes reading lists of what people have bought their kids too, I suppose I'm just nosy.

Actually i love the photos you linked to op. I think it's nice to see what other's are buying, even gave me a few ideas as I scroll through.

Everyone should just go with what suits them and their dcs at Christmas some get overwhelmed with too many gifts some don't, some spend £, ££ , £££, ££££ at the end of the day every child will have a grin from ear to ear on christmas morning with their gifts.

I am guilty of the fb photos of piles room full over pressies but everyone on my fb does it and we all enjoy seeing each other's. Meh each to there own I guess

No your not being stingy at all, they will still as you said - get their net mums mountain of toys from other family members .

In my defence, it was my old one, it was on its last legs so I bought a toddler proof case and downloaded a load of free apps

I just wanted to point out when people moan about young children getting i pads I think its less about the ££ in money its about the cost to the actual child in terms of screen time etc from such a young age.

Not necessarily my views but in general when these threads come up at xmas, the opposers are less concerned about a young child getting expensive toy than the expense to the actual child.

I clicked on the link.

And I'm judging.... I know I shouldn't, but i am.....

I'm going to go bleach my eyeballs now. Hun.

I get that KnittedJimmyChoos. It's not the expense that I'm embarrassed by but the extravagance. It's a sophisticated tool, with much more functionality than a toddler requires (or me for that matter).

Without trying to start a debate, I think screen time can be managed. It's easier to store an iPad out of sight/reach than a TV. There are occasions when it's incredibly useful and saves mine from the inevitable snot smears.