Fellatio's Poncetastic Christmas Thread 2011 is.....

[FellatioNelson]

open for business. Knock yerselves out.

And then try not to eat it all.

Sold - to the lady walking in the fog with a snorty. Snuffly dog :)

billgrangersrisotto - would you mind sharing your limoncello recipe? I made some a week ago and DH has been sampling it. He says it's great (he's Italian, so should know..) but to me it tastes too vodkay, IYKWIM. Did you use vodka or something else?

Pinterest- snowflakey curtainthing? Link please!

Ok- tardis grr superglue does not stick pine cones to wire. So I still havent a clue what to do with my pinecone mountain. Literally, I have 4 fecking carrier bags full. Plus the big ones (artistically stacked in fireplace). Heeeelp. [pinecone emoticon]

LeQ- wooden snowflakes - sounds lovely. From where?

Does anyone have any ponce+toddler christmas tree advice? Having taken my decorations out to eyeball them it seems they're all rather glass like. The budget is a little small so we're looking at handmade or excessively cheap.
I cannot in all ponce conscience hand up plastic balls. I just can't.
I have dried some orange slices and chillis and furtively collected 8000 or so pine cones to thread onto ribbon. I've also bought 27 tiny red bells to tie onto the tree so I can hear her when she gets to it.
What else can I make to go on my tree oh poncey ones? PLeasse help.....

Ponce+toddler+Christmas tree = barbed wire or electric fence

HTH

grumpycat, if it's any consolation, even Harrods sell plastic decorations. I think the secret is to buy ones that look really expensive. As long as they aren't easily identifiable as from B&Q or something, no-one will know. Could you make a garland of mini paperchains from wrapping paper? That would be cheap and pretty wound around the tree. You just cut strips smaller than the usual size and sticky tape the ends together. What about paper snowflakes, you could cut several all the same shape and fold each in half so that they are symmetrical, then stick all the folds together in the centre to give a 3D effect when opened out. Lots of these would look pretty on the tree.

Just a thought, suppose your toddler tries to eat the orange slices and (eek) the chillis?

When my DS was 16m at his 2nd Christmas, I would let him touch the tree and decorations reminding him to be very gentle (as I did when he touched the cats) and he was. I think constantly telling him not to touch would have been much less successful. In fact, the cats were worse for hoiking things off to play with.

Ponce + Christmas Tree + Toddler = tree either outside (my parent's option) or inside a wooden playpen. Ponce-fail ultimately but unavoidable at least to an extent.

Current project is to make huge batches of satsuma marmalade for teacher gifts: with out TA / SENCO quota it usually means around 15 gifts but luckily they like my home made stuff anyway. Boys will help me with making cake pops as well to bulk it all out a bit. DS1 is a bit of an artist (considered G&T for art, wants a jewellery design career) so should help make rather fab ones.

I have a very poncetastic new wood burner being installed next week. Unfortunately the equally poncetastic Limestone surround isn't going to be fitted until the 20th December :( All my mantelpiece poncery will be a bit last minute.

Alouisee are you my friend from Bath who professed not to understand MN at the weekend?

If not, apologies :)

God no! I'm the loudmouth from Essex who understands MN only too well. :o

umm, do the dried orange bits smell nice?
Every year we make Christingles which smell lovely but tend to go manky quite quickly - not a good look. Am not very poncetastic - i have to confess to liking tinsel and coloured fairy lights - but am willing to learn.DD1 YEARNS for a poncetastic christmas and is very arty farty. last year she wrapped her gifts in fabulous white paper with tiny silver sparkles and dressed them with ribbon and tiny silver bells and white feathers. Gor -jus!
I am a sad disappointment to her although I do insist on a non-chocolate advent calendar, and fresh holly and ivy brought in from the garden for the mantleiece and hearth. is there any hope for me???

grumpycat- glass up top, plastic on lower levels worked for us...

Glad to hear it Alouisee. I would have to have got quite cross with you :)

Right. Glass up top, others down the bottom. That's what I'll go with.
The orange bits do indeed smell nice, particularly with the epic quantities of cinammon that they're tied to!
I got rid of the playpen because it took up too much room!

Alouisee, just think of all the natural holly and ivy excess you can use that will still be lovely and fresh by Christmas day- ponce perfect!

Yes, and as you live in close walking distance of the woods it is particularly ponce-perfect to mosey over on Christmas Eve in your nice winter boots and cut a load, bring it back, then go to the lovely village pub and sit by a roaring fire drinking something festive with the neighbouring civilised folk.

That thought has made me miss England. My first nostalgic twinge.

erm ..

too late for me to join? I've not made make yet... have I left it too late?
anyone got a decent recipe for cake, onion chutney?

God EVERY YEAR I say I'll be better prepared.
My excuse is that I only found MN this year....

Never too late, WM, never too late. Even on NYD you could be prepping for next Christmas.

I have just realised I haven't made a Christmas pud yet! In my defence I have been busy with other things, but I must do that this week, or it will taste a bit meh.

Can any of you christmas experts help me find clip on bird decorations that aren't too expensive? I found some that came in packs of 6 that were less than a fiver and I'm sure they were on a Xmas decorations website that someone on MN linked to. I've trawler MN and googled for hours but can't find any that aren't £2-3.

How have I not seen this before.. can I join in??

I'm taking back Christmas this year. Just me and DH but next year (fingers crossed) wont be so demanding Christmas my way now so they'll all fall in line to my way.. oh yes.

Made my cake, my recipe which includes the sloes from my gin which has been "maturing" for about 2 years now. I always have a stock of Sloe gin, but Plum Gin is also done now and delish (sipping a wee dram now). Just us two so duck with the trimmings, and not much food. Need to do a ham for having cold too, but no idea on a good recipe.

Also need to sort out poncing our flat, apart from the tree which i have down. The poncing must now encompass the whole place but what can I do in the bedroom? loo?? 'elp!!!

I got some lovely clip-on robins in John Lewis this year trixy, for only £2.50 each. They are out of stock online at the moment, but may be in some shops.