Fellatio's Poncetastic Christmas Thread 2011 is.....

[FellatioNelson]

open for business. Knock yerselves out.

Ah, yes. I've found the paper ones now GlitterKitty. They look fabulous.

Also just found these very cute white crochet birds for £2 each.

Argos might have some plain white lights.

Thanks for the light recommendations, will check them out. Those birds are indeed cute, but I'm a bit superstitious about birds in the house. Going to try and start on making my cards tomorrow.

Hello all!

haven;t been here for a bit but have finally finished the hamper bits. Christmas chutney a la Delia, pickled pears (same book LOL they were fab), pickled shallots, Christmas cake, Christmas pud and figgy jam. Sister's hamper also has a Riverford cheeses pack as that's my guilt money escape clause from not going to her for the big day (she has far too nice a house to let my boys in when they are excited).

Dried orange slices and wreaths soon, and DS1 has been given responsibility for his school tre.

I was wondering what to put in DH and my advent calendar, and spotted M&S swiss choc neapolitans, which look super poncey and there seemed to be a lot in the box. I counted them when I got home, and guess what only 46. I'm getting round it by putting a piece of paper in the pocket for Christmas eve, saying pick a chocolate off the Christmas tree. I have the M&S cones and baubles ones. DH laughed!

I have to say, the Oxfam shop have some fab chocolate things, all fairtrade, and lovely raffia type 'string' for gift wrapping in a few colours for those doing natural designs.

What no stir-up Sunday comments? Or have I just left it too late?

Nigel Slater's puds in the hob now, and pondering doing those things with orange slices.

Also having a panic about plum chutney. I made it end of Aug and its still really sharp, will it mellow by Xmas?

Plus, shoudl I strain the blackberry vodka now, ahead of party on 10 Dec? Or should I wait a bit?

I made my Christmas cake a few weeks ago as we usually start it a few weeks before Christmas.

We do this every year as otherwise it doesnt get eaten.

My ponce activity this week has been spraying my saved allium christophii heads silver. They look divine.

I have been surveying our road for foliage, there seems to be lots of holly and the mistle thrushes have been shitting nicely on our mountain ash in the front garden, so a good crop of mistletoe this year.

Have just made my mincemeat, cake was last weekend. Tardis- I should strain the blackberry thing now- think for soft fruit couple a months is about right?

My sloe gin is fab - 1 bottle gone already another 3 in cupboard being saved till xmas.

Next task is improving green pine foliage style garlands (IYKWIM) by adding (somehow) snow and pine cones.

Any ideas? Have millions of pine cones thanks to DS but how to attach them/ how to make nice snow effect?

@GlitterKitty Blackberry vodka may have to be trialled tonight, to make sure it is ok!

You need ablob of glue, maybe even superglue on pincodes to attach loop of ribbon. Or florist wire wound snuggly around them for wreaths.

Off to make some pastry for mince pies to freeze and dry out some orange slices!

*pinecones!!! a whole lot more romantic than pin codes, though that will be used a lot in the run up to xmas

Good work ponces. (pincodes )

My mirror plates arrived today so I've been trialling my floating candles with greenery in the water and berries floating on top. I think it will look very pretty. I have three 20cm plates for the main displays, and I've ordered three small ones as well to hold a glass votive with a single floating candle.

Ponce update: limoncello made (and delicious, as sampled last weekend!). Gingerbread man garland made, second one on the go (squitch, you were right, super easy!). Next thing on the list is snowflake curtain from pinterest. Easy but faffy, but should look great when done. I have also to make the lemon sugar hand scrub for my homemade Christmas pressies, ingredients are ordered in this weeks ocado shop to arrive wed so will make next weekend.

Oooh, so very poncey, I love it!

This is Blatherskites Christmas Cake recipe, it's awesome :o

Christmas Cake

Ingredients:

• 2 cups flour
• 1 stick butter
• 1 cup of water
• 1 tsp baking soda
• 1 cup of sugar
• 1 tsp salt
• 1 cup of brown sugar
• Lemon juice
• 4 large eggs
• Nuts
• 2 bottle wine
• 2 cups of dried fruit

Sample the wine to check quality. Take a large bowl, check
the wine again. To be sure it is of the highest quality,
pour one level cup and drink. Repeat. Turn on the electric
mixer. Beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl. Add
one teaspoon of sugar. Beat again. At this point it's
best to make sure the wine is still OK. Try another cup...
Just in case. Turn off the mixerer thingy. Break 2 eggs and
add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit.

Pick the frigging fruit up off floor. Mix on the turner..
If the fried druit gets stuck in the beaterers just pry it
loose with a drewscriver. Sample the wine to check for
tonsisticity. Next, sift two cups of salt. Or something.
Check the wine. Now shift the lemon juice and strain your
nuts. Add one table. Add a spoon of sugar, or some fink.
Whatever you can find. Greash the oven. Turn the cake tin
360 degrees and try not to fall over. Don't forget to
beat off the turner. Finally, throw the bowl through the
window. Finish the wine and wipe counter with the
cat.

Go to Tesco (ideally by bus) and buy cake.

Bingle Jells!

"like" alouisees post.

I have oven panic again! I got used to a huge double oven cooker but since moving to this house (in 2009) with its nice fitted kitchen and built in oven I only have one oven and Christmas dinner is hell. I keep thinking about how to juggle the shelf contents, in the middle of the night. It is strange as this is the largest house we have had, but one of the smallest kitchens and every bit of space is accounted for. I am cooking for 9 and one oven just isnt enough. On the up side, I have a lovely dining room and lounge to entertain in. I am wondering whether a hostess trolley will fill my void?

I am also planning my Women's Institute Whisky Spice Cake, which has now become a tradition, along with the WI Chairman's cake. We like these better than Christmas cake.

alyson have you got yourself a combination microwave? They can be picked up relatively cheaply and are a codsend if you are low on oven space, as they don't just micro but bake/roast/grill as well. In fact I have use the combi micro/raost funcrtion on joints of meat and they've come out fantastically well (won't fit a turkey though!)

The other thing I have recently acquired and can highly recommend is an Intellichef by Morphy Richards. It's like a slow cooker except not slow (unless you want it to be) and it does absolutely everything - even bakes a cake. Seems expensive (about £90 iirc) but well worth the money.)

hahaha at codsend!

I fancy one of those Intellichef things, tell me more please.

It is quite compact and not too hard to store, yet the cooking pot is a really good size. It does rice brilliantly (the main reason I bought it as I seem to have lost the ability to cook rice without turning it to gloop) also pasta, (not that pasta is hard to get right on a normal hob, but anyway) and it can also be a fat fryer, a slow cooker, a vegetable steamer, or you can just use it as you would use any saucepan on a hob, fry off onions etc, and brown your meat first, chuck in your fluids/veg whatever, close the lid, press the relevant button, and it works out the cooking time for you. Then it keeps it warm until you need it, for up to an hour I think, then it turns itself off.

Apparently you can bake sponge cakes and all sorts in it although I haven't done that yet.

Sounds fun, I love a gadget.

I have an intellichef, it is excellent. I use it a lot for slow cooking, but as FN says, you can fry the onions, brown the meat, etc and then change it to slow cook, bung everything else in and shut the lid. I have had good results for rice and pasta (not that you really need a special machine to cook rice but it's quite handy once you have it). Am yet to try a cake. It does automatically keep warm for an hour, then you can extend it manually. Also reheats. V good.

Right, I'm going to make a cake in it today!