Fellatio's thread for a Poncetastic Christmas.

[FellatioNelson]

OK, first of all, I know it's still September by we need to start this thread now because as you all know, having a truly Poncetastic Christmas involves precision planning, strategy, bravery, heroics, and frequently martyrdom. A bit like the war in Afghanistan, only with nicer food and sparkly shoes.

So, if you, like me, actually want to make the next twelve weeks of your life a misery by hand-crafting your cards, finding a huge bucket for Nigella's turkey in brine, pickling pears, shrivelling oranges in a low oven for those rustic au naturel decorations, dragging half a holly bush back from the woods, and just generally being a smug annoying jobsworth ponce, join me on this thread.

Feel free to post photos of previous tree-trimming, cake icing or table centrepiece triumphs, discuss this year's bauble colour themes, debate the merits of Delia versus Gordon, road-test a selection of canapes and cocktails, (all in the line of duty) and link to lovely inspirational photos/craft ideas for a truly Poncetastic Christmas.

Warning: If your idea of a good Christmas involves Pizza, ITV, gravy granules or anything with 'Aunt Bessies' on the packet, this is not the thread for you.

[FellatioNelson]

FattyArbuckle I would recommend Delia's Christmas Pud (in fact almost everything Delia that is Christmas related knocks all other sleb chefs inot a cocked hat.) I do advocate adding extra alcohol though.

Not that hers is dry, just that you can never have too much alcohol in Christmas pud.

[DinahRod]

Very worried, my raffia stockist is out...

Am offering up mulled wine kit as a gift whilst stealing perusing your ideas

[MistsAndMellow]

Hassled is there no room for silver and duck-egg at all? Red and gold just won't work in our sitting room

[FellatioNelson]

Has anybody tried Nigella's gingerbread and bacon stuffing? I wouldn't use it for Christmas day - that would be sacrilege obviously, but I might like to have some on Boxing day with leftovers. It sounds so camp and ridiculous (like most things Nigella) that I just can't resist it. Bought the stuff for it last year but booze/hectic schedule got the better of me so it never got made.

[Hassled]

There's still time to redecorate, Mists. Ask yourself - what would Baby Jesus do?

[FellatioNelson]

I think silver and duck egg would be ok? Some people have tres moderne homes and the green/gold/red thing doesn't sit right. Just don't allow any neon blue. That is a sackable offence.

[FellatioNelson]

PSML at Hassled.

[MistsAndMellow]

Baby Jesus might well kill remonstrate with DH for decorating a North-facing room in eggshell and duck-egg blue. I'll help him in fact

We had a lovely sitting room in the last house which lent itself to wine-reds and gold and silver

[MarionCole]

I have a duck egg living room too Mists. We'll get through it together.

[FellatioNelson]

Does anyone do a nosegay? ('what's a nosegay?' I hear you all cry). OK, if you insist:

Honestly do I have to do everything around here?

A nosegay is a little posy, and it is traditional to go out into your garden (don't wear bright coloured crocs and leisure pants for the love of God, go in green Hunters and a Hacking jacket or a velvet cloak or something) and the game is to pick a little posy of whatever is in flower in your garden in late December. It's a challenge I know, but aim for scented Sarcacocca, hellebores, v.v. early narcissi, winter pansies, ivy, etc.

If your garden isn't up to it you have failed. FAILED I tell you.

[LadyBiscuit]

I am hosting christmas for my entire family for the first time in my life ever. I am expecting this thread to deliver warm and happy hearts on the drive home (with a little sprinkle of heartburn thrown in).

You'd better not disappoint me

[FellatioNelson]

I decorated a north facing room in duck-egg too. It looks shite.

[twolittlemonkeys]

Haha another wannabe ponce here. Made lovely hampers for presents last year with homemade jam, chutney, lemon curd, chilli sauce, biscuits, miniature Christmas cakes etc.

Am torn between going the whole hog again this year and saying sod it. Don't think I'll get round to the handmade cards this year as I have about a hundred invitations for my Grandmother's 90th birthday to make by the end of November

[MarionCole]

<a class="break-all" href="http://www.google.co.uk/imgres?imgurl=www.yossawat.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/11/Christmas_Decor_Ideas_by_Ideal_Home_4.jpg&imgrefurl=www.yossawat.com/2009/11/christmas-decorating-ideas-by-ideal-home/&usg=__RFrzCZgBlhBQHRmWf07JGclTq6M=&h=550&w=550&sz=87&hl=en&start=0&sig2=7jAFGatrr-eUasW4pwbHsA&zoom=1&tbnid=rk_izDJpKThW0M:&tbnh=150&tbnw=128&ei=Yv2cTMrGCNaSjAfpmsWCDQ&prev=/images%3Fq%3Dchristmas%2B%2522duck%2Begg%2Bblue%2522%26um%3D1%26hl%3Den%26client%3Dfirefox-a%26sa%3DN%26rls%3Dorg.mozilla:en-GB:official%26biw%3D1280%26bih%3D617%26tbs%3Disch:10%2C232&um=1&itbs=1&iact=hc&vpx=551&vpy=174&dur=155&hovh=224&hovw=224&tx=82&ty=113&oei=Yv2cTMrGCNaSjAfpmsWCDQ&esq=1&page=1&ndsp=18&ved=1t:429,r:14,s:0&biw=1280&bih=617" rel="nofollow noindex" target="_blank">See, red and gold do go with duck egg blue

[FellatioNelson]

I don't think it's obligatory to make everything TLM just showing willing with a few well chosen touches is sufficient.

[Hassled]

I don't think I'm up to a nosegay. But the points I lose on the nosegay I win on the profusion of holly and ivy I have in the garden. My garden is in fact pretty much only holly and ivy. It's wreaths-a-go-go round these parts.

[Hassled]

[FellatioNelson]

I'm not up to the nosegay either if I'm honest.

But I still judge all of yous for not managing one.

(did I just say 'yous' ?)

[MistsAndMellow]

Oh I am happy to have support thanks MC and FN.

Didn't it look lovely and light in the summer?

Reminds me of the penguin enclosure at the zoo now but yes, we will get through it, perhaps by putting and keeping Christmas decorations up for longer than we might otherwise?

I'm not talking about in November or anything, I was always taught that the third week in December was "appropriate" because of Twelfth Night / Epiphany.

But... I am leaning towards earlier in December now. Shall I do it?

[TigerFeet]

My only preparation thus far has been to make sure that I finish work on Christmas Eve and do not have to go back until well into the New Year.

However I'm eagerly awaiting the arrival of my shiny alphabet biscuit cutters so I can fashion MERRY CHRISTMAS from salt dough and get dd1 to decorate them and cover them in far too much glitter so I can string them from the mantelpiece a la Kirstie Allsop Christmas 2009

Theme is red and silver in the living room, silver and white in the dining room and pink pink and yet more blummin pink in dd1's bedroom aka the room that taste forgot.

Next week I will put the sprouts on.

[FellatioNelson]

If I started my decorating in the tird week of December it would be Easter before I'd finished.

I don't advocate excessively early trimming, but I do need to have them all out of the attic and laid before me by Dec 5, so I can ruminate, and fiddle, and replenish. It has usually come together by Dec 15. Any later than that is barely worth the work, frankly.

[FellatioNelson]

Yes, whoever it was that asked about tree biscuits going mouldy - you need salt dough. not edible, but they won't go soggy.

[TigerFeet]

Would brown paper stamped with festively shaped potato stamps by the children be suitably poncy do you think? Or would it just look shite?

[greenlotus]

You need OTT wrapping with raffia, holly twigs and berries and gingham ribbon to pull it off (the brown paper)

[MrsTicklemouse]

this is out then :o

Can I come and play??! I've nagged endelessly asked nicely for all new decorations this year so we're going from "jewels of the orient" to full on victorian, the only thing that we'll be keeping is our nigella bucket!!

TigerFeet we did the salt dough letters a la Kirstie Alsop last year they were lovely!