Fellatio's thread for a Poncetastic Christmas.

[FellatioNelson]

OK, first of all, I know it's still September by we need to start this thread now because as you all know, having a truly Poncetastic Christmas involves precision planning, strategy, bravery, heroics, and frequently martyrdom. A bit like the war in Afghanistan, only with nicer food and sparkly shoes.

So, if you, like me, actually want to make the next twelve weeks of your life a misery by hand-crafting your cards, finding a huge bucket for Nigella's turkey in brine, pickling pears, shrivelling oranges in a low oven for those rustic au naturel decorations, dragging half a holly bush back from the woods, and just generally being a smug annoying jobsworth ponce, join me on this thread.

Feel free to post photos of previous tree-trimming, cake icing or table centrepiece triumphs, discuss this year's bauble colour themes, debate the merits of Delia versus Gordon, road-test a selection of canapes and cocktails, (all in the line of duty) and link to lovely inspirational photos/craft ideas for a truly Poncetastic Christmas.

Warning: If your idea of a good Christmas involves Pizza, ITV, gravy granules or anything with 'Aunt Bessies' on the packet, this is not the thread for you.

Festive washing up liquid!! Its wrong that I am instantly craving that.

Has anyone seen the angel chimes thread? I know they are very seventies, but surely therefore kitsch and retro?

I would like some angel chimes. I have an angel snuffer

Christmas country living here today and they have a good recipe for Christmassy clementine curd (like lemon curd only Christmassier). So my huge pile of eggs from the hens who will not stop laying will start to be channelled into jars of gloop. Yum.

DD has started making her cards and I am saving satsuma peel for festive firelighting

I would contest the kitchen roll and washing up liquid on the grounds o naffness. Just not poncetastic

Okay, now you're really all going to go weak at the knees:

Check out this Christmas 'shop'

It's near me and very very ponce-tastic but I think its Christmas shop has surpassed even its own incredibly crunchy standards. As much as I hate buying Christmas stuff (it prevents me from claiming "Oh yes, I ran those up one evening in November") I have my beady eye on the:
-Christmas matchboxes
-Distressed glass baubles
-Silver hearts on a leather thong
-Beeswax tree decorations (made with their own beeswax of course)

In fact I think my life will not be complete, never mind Christmas, without beeswax on my tree.

I think you could be right Sue re. the kitchen roll, but it was gold and red abstract design, not a Santa Claus in sight and therefore I might just sqeeze it in - please?

I already have the Petersham wicker reindeers in my garden, from last Christmas, and they are even better this year, now that they have rotted become overgrown in a very poncetastic Green Man fashion.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHhhhhhhhhhhhhh, I can't believe no-one else has mentioned those Noolibird Stamps you linked to staranise - they are GORGEOUS! I am about to persuade DH we NEED them. Wish me luck

Staranise:- crochet snowflake pattern is here. They are v.quick and easy :)

Do what I do re. DH and outrageously expensive and unnecessary Christmas items and just don't mention them.

The ones I used on cards last year, I'm going to use on wrapping paper this year. You see, they can be used again and again so are a bargain really.

Thanks rnb, they look perfect.

To webwise and tulpe - many thanks for reassurance - just peeled, ever so gingerly like, the paper back on my pudding and it seems rich dark and moist. I didn't like to try in case I didn't stop (no idea I had so much self discipline in me!!) but I am going to assume it's ok!

Is anyone going to Christmas country living fayre? I am going, but am only going to take the cash I am able to spend, and NO credit cards so I maintain a modicum of self control!

Oh, thank goodness, I've been hankering after Angel Chimes since I saw Cox and Cox are selling them. I thought it was just me, but I reckon dd will swoon at them.

Re: beeswax deckies- I bought some about 10 years ago, from a dinky little shop here that sells terracotta nativities and the like (have now, unfortunately run out of people to buy them for, wee little terracotta sheep poking out of doors...) and they are still bought out every Christmas, and though bits have dropped off, they still have that honey smell to them.

I need more. Does that garden centre do mail order? Off to re-click.

Just posting to stop this dropping off my active convos. We're all ill here - again!

No time for poncing right now

I looked longingly at the Christmas Country Living Fayre but can't fit it in at barristermum.

Hope you feel better soon Blatherskite

Hello fellow ponces! Haven't been on here for a while but have finally caught up on what you have all been up to.

Am very excited as went to a decorative wholesalers this morning with some friends and bought some nice things. A few things to hang on tree. A 2 tier pale gray wicker stand thingie. A rustic woven star. Some more lights for our tree. And. The Best. A gorgeous set of Xmas lights - metal Xmas cookie cutter lights! I love them. It is too early to put them up though isn't it?

Have been working away. Christmas Chutney, Christmas cake and mincemeat made.

I bought the angel chime thing from Cox and Cox. It's smaller than I thought. But nice. I hope.

Am getting all excited!

Buda if you have time would you mind trying out the angel chime and let us know if it works. I bought one a couple of years ago (not Cox) and it was all flimsy and rubbish.

Sorry I have to be the bearer of bad news!
I went to buy my festive cleaning materials yesterday and couldn't find anything that I would give house room to. M&S washing up liquid used to be a lovely deep red with a pleasant smell. This year the only one I could see resembled some sort of horrid magnolia bubble bath! I didn't think much of their kitchen roll or tissues either.

Oh well never mind, I will try and source some suitable alternatives and let you know.

I think we might all need to get this ebayer to roll her sleeves up and get some more of these made.

Ebay has lots of Angel Chimes. I wonder if my Mum still has our retro 70s ones in a box somewhere?

Jacaqueen - I will. I must admit to being disappointed at the size of the box!

Just back from pre-Christmas trip to Ikea. As usual, lots of Scandi style decorations. Got rolls of brown paper & plain red wrapping paper. Christmas handwash but bottle is slightly tacky. Good for paper cups & plates & nice plant pots.

I'm doing that on Monday Decorhate. Love my pre-Christmas Ikea trip! And I will buy crap. And I will buy candles. And I will buy more decorations that I do not need!

Buda every year I say I'm not buying any more! Got some at Ikea today & have ordered some from The White Company too....

It's all part of the fun!

Dear oh dear fellow ponces, this thread had drifted on to the second page of the Christmas topic. This is not good enough.

There has been a low level of ponciness in this household this week. I picked up, then got distracted and put down and forgot some M&S Christmas toilet roll (will buy next week).
I will be feeding my Delia Christmas cake tomorrow.
I'm still trying to talk myself into the Noolibird Christmas stamps. I told dh we'll be saving YEARS worth of £££ spent on labels as I'll be able to make my own. He hrmphed but don't think he'll say anything once they arrive...

Look forward to more ponce updates.

With Red gingham and white swedish-style wooden decorations,
Elspeth.
(Ponce)

I have today been to Waitrose and bought all my Christmas cake ingredients. As I type, my dried fruits are steeping in a brandy bath :o. Despite a distinct lack of kitchen (am stuck in renovation hell but hoping to have my kitchen back by early December....) I am pushing ahead with some baking.

Am trying Nigella's cake this year, having been faithful to Good Housekeeping's dec 2000 recipe for the last 10 years.

BTW, Waitrose are selling Delia Christmas cake packs. Not sure how much they cost but they are large bags containing all you need.