Fellatio's thread for a Poncetastic Christmas.

[FellatioNelson]

OK, first of all, I know it's still September by we need to start this thread now because as you all know, having a truly Poncetastic Christmas involves precision planning, strategy, bravery, heroics, and frequently martyrdom. A bit like the war in Afghanistan, only with nicer food and sparkly shoes.

So, if you, like me, actually want to make the next twelve weeks of your life a misery by hand-crafting your cards, finding a huge bucket for Nigella's turkey in brine, pickling pears, shrivelling oranges in a low oven for those rustic au naturel decorations, dragging half a holly bush back from the woods, and just generally being a smug annoying jobsworth ponce, join me on this thread.

Feel free to post photos of previous tree-trimming, cake icing or table centrepiece triumphs, discuss this year's bauble colour themes, debate the merits of Delia versus Gordon, road-test a selection of canapes and cocktails, (all in the line of duty) and link to lovely inspirational photos/craft ideas for a truly Poncetastic Christmas.

Warning: If your idea of a good Christmas involves Pizza, ITV, gravy granules or anything with 'Aunt Bessies' on the packet, this is not the thread for you.

Just updating before this thread drops off my active convos list.

We've finally decided that we're going to my Mum's for Christmas. Means a long journey but I'll still be able to make a few poncey things to take with me - cake/pudding/crackers.

Will avoid the Hobbycraft ones :)

Miffster - my DD was born on December 17th and I still managed homemade cake and pudding plus Nigella's Ham in Cherry coke and poncey decs.

All it takes is extra organisiation

Oh,BANGerskite the poncey decs are all good to go.
I have baked a load of cheesey things as DH and I prefer savoury, filled up the freezer, and will be knocking out home made whisky fudge shortly and putting it in poncey containers for presents. Also buying fleece throws from Primarni, cutting off the labels and tying them up with John Lewis silk ribbons that I have drawn glittery stars on.

I draw the line at sewing up bloody paper pheasants, however .

I'm not sure there is ever enough time for sewing up paper pheasants

Good luck with the baby too. There is nothing quite so wonderful as a tiny baby for Christmas :)

DD was 8 days old on Christms day last year. I sat on the sofa feeding her watching my 3 year old opening presents and grinning like a loon. It was blissful.

aaaahhh @ your small baby last year

Thank you for the good wishes re. mine :)

What do you mean no time for pheasants? What pg lady doesn't want to go scraping up roadkill for the feathers and making pva slop? None, that's how many

It's a bit like Brie and bloody steaks Sue - you want to, you just can't when you're expecting

The hobbycraft crackers looked quite substantial this year when I was in yesterday buying mini pine cones on a wire, cinnamon sticks and a "rustic" wreath base. Felt overwhelmed at the ribbon choice though and ended up with nothing.

Some help please, poncey people!

I've decided to go with brown parcel paper for wrapping this year, but am having dilemas about ribbon.

Whatever pattern/colour I pick, I think I'll go with something quite wide (30-40mm), but should I choose

white
red
gold
red-based tartan
red gingham
or something else entirely?

Any advice to maximise the ponce factor will be gratefully received!

Ah, sorry fellow ponces, the Hobbycraft ones were crap last year. Hopefully they were complained about and they've stocked stronger ones this year. Get one out of the pack and try them out, those who bought this years, better to find out now!!!

These have quite a high ponce factor Tolalola!

tracyporter.com/blog/more-tracy-porter/gift-wrapping-ideas

Hello, I haven't visited my own thread for weeks - so glad to see you are keeping the homefires burning. I just came to say that I got my Christmas edition of Period Living yesterday, and it came with a free CD of carols. I just wondered if the 6th of November is too early to play it?

It is, isn't it? I know. I'm a disgrace. I just came over all ready for a brief mad moment. But I know it will spoil the mood for later, when I'm putting the decs up. That's when I usually crack out the carols.

I am loving the idea of brown paper wrapping with lovely ribbon as I have done in days of yore. But...in days of yore (ie. before dcs) I was, in my delusional world, made of money. How come brown paper is well expensive while tacky roll of gift wrap is tuppance ha'penny?!!

Ooh yes that ribbon is lovely webwiz, thanks for the link!

rnbsmum - brown paper is not too bad from stationers and at least usually comes on a big roll. I bet a pound shop might sell it too - don't they generally have a section with envelopes etc? (trying to remember, am not in the UK)

Right - off to bully rope DS and DH into a salt-dough decoration session.

I got my brown paper from Staples £9.99 for 25m!

[[http://www.staples.co.uk/office-supplies/mailing-packaging-supplies/wrapping-paper/flexocare-kraft-brown-paper-rolls/kraft-brown-paper-roll-750mm-x-25m paper roll]

Going to decorate some with Cox and Cox christmas stamps:

stamps

And other with tartan ribbon which I got online from:

ribbon

Ooops paper roll:

-packaging-supplies/wrapping-paper/flexocare-kraft -brown-paper-rolls/kraft-brown-paper-roll-750mm-x- 25m paper roll

Arrgh

-packaging-supplies/wrapping-paper/flexocare-kraft -brown-paper-rolls/kraft-brown-paper-roll-750mm-x- 25m Paper

Sorry, it's at staples anyway!

Dear Ponces,

I am not One Of You, but I thought you might appreciate that today I bought some lovely gold, green and red fabric with which I intend to sew christmas paper chains.

Yrs etc.

Fellatio, I was given that magazine and had a similar moment this morning when doing t'housework. But be strong - wait until December.

I am also skirting round my Christmas DVDs. It's tempting....