Fellatio's thread for a Poncetastic Christmas.

[FellatioNelson]

OK, first of all, I know it's still September by we need to start this thread now because as you all know, having a truly Poncetastic Christmas involves precision planning, strategy, bravery, heroics, and frequently martyrdom. A bit like the war in Afghanistan, only with nicer food and sparkly shoes.

So, if you, like me, actually want to make the next twelve weeks of your life a misery by hand-crafting your cards, finding a huge bucket for Nigella's turkey in brine, pickling pears, shrivelling oranges in a low oven for those rustic au naturel decorations, dragging half a holly bush back from the woods, and just generally being a smug annoying jobsworth ponce, join me on this thread.

Feel free to post photos of previous tree-trimming, cake icing or table centrepiece triumphs, discuss this year's bauble colour themes, debate the merits of Delia versus Gordon, road-test a selection of canapes and cocktails, (all in the line of duty) and link to lovely inspirational photos/craft ideas for a truly Poncetastic Christmas.

Warning: If your idea of a good Christmas involves Pizza, ITV, gravy granules or anything with 'Aunt Bessies' on the packet, this is not the thread for you.

at star. I see your DH and his tinsel, and raise you mine who is fasting from alcohol, meat and dairy on the 25th! Somehow we manage.

How low is a low oven? We have a gas heater but it never really gets very cold, so I worry if I tried putting them on there the whole street would complain about the marmalade smell!

Jac - that was me! Thanks so much - I did notice that one in my magazine, and it sounded nice, so I may see if there's a White Company around here to buy it from.

My goodness we have gone up a notch in here - I must up my game.

On Thursday I'm making my friend come to the local hub of poncetastic decoration - Van Hage garden centre - they do their own courses in ponciness www.vanhage.co.uk/discover-our-stores/great-amwell/christmas-floristry-events

I am already excited

Just thinking about the White Company soothes me.

Low oven - depends on your oven, I would say about 100-130 celsius? But my oven is not very hot - if it's too hot the slices will brown so err on the side of caution. With whole oranges I usually just line them up on the radiator or hang in the oven for a couple of hours to dry out. They won't last forever but would survive Christmas. I pile them up around the house, especially on mantelpieces and/or windowsills.

Thanks! We don't have radiators, hence the question. But they sound lovely, I will try them at a low gas mark and see how it goes.

I like a Scandanavian pared-down aesthetic myself - white light, lots of glass, paper cut-outs (hence my love of snowflakes), wood blocks, silver bells, the occasional nature-led touch (mistletoe, cloves, pine tree, cinnamon, clementines, red berries). The odd touch of silver (rough, not shiny) and, given it's Christmas, I'll allow some antique gold. My inspirations would include Rob Ryan, Carl Larsson, Swan Lake, the Snow Queen and heavy Russian literature.

Unfortunately, my DH and DCs seem to think Christmas has something to do with Santa Claus and tins of Quality Street.

Oops, pressed send too soon - I like the White Company too! There's one in York that has gorgeous displays atm.

Has anyone done/ is anyone planning an all-white decoration scheme?

I liked that-jamie oliver?- all white paper decorated/ white fairy light kitchen that they did. Saw it on tv. Must be able to google for pics? Was tres poncey.

Am ordering white snowflake paper room garlands at weekend- here: www.celebrationtimeuk.com/display_details.php?code=033-07105&cat=10204

Must have room garlands. I cannot feel it is xmas until I have dressed the house like 'santas fucking fairy grotto' (thanks DP )

Ta da!!!

www.re-foundobjects.com/product/view/1252591070?cat=26

Are they not poncetastic?

www.re-foundobjects.com/product/view/1252591049?cat=26

Ooooooo paper trees!

Tres poncey indeed and you get extra points because they're from Corbridge, the font of all things poncey yet tasteful (and hence desirable).

You wait til you see my crocheted snowflake garlands however.

Have just spent two poncetastic days making shaker-inspired felt decorations. Red hearts with gingham ribbon hanging loops, slate grey doves with white ribbon hangers, Christmas stockings and stars. Used lots of vintage fabrics in manner of Queen of Ponce aka Kirstie Allsop :o

Am making advent calendar tomorrow - 24 stockings hanging from a ribbon :)

Ok, inspired by this very thread, a weekend or so ago I made POUNDS of homemade mincemeat (Good Housekeeping), a christmas cake (Nigella-DG), and a Christmas pudding (GH again). I am now worried to death because I steamed the pudding but only read after the 10 hour marathon staeming session, that my pudding basin in the saucepan should have been standing on something like a cookie cutter or old saucer!

Have I ruined my first ever Christmas pudding? Should I not bother resteaming on Christmas day as the thing will be a burnt sorry thing underneath the pleated greaseproof paper? There was no burning smell, but some water did get under the tightly tied paper (which might also have done for it )etc so I'm just a bag of nerves about it basically. Should I start all over again?

Also, is there a secret meeting of ponces at the Good Housekeeping Fayre this saturday in Islington? My mother and I have tickets for the 2pm entry.

Barristermum - just undo the paper and have a look to reassure yourself (and a bit of a taste!) then wrap it all up again. I'm sure its fine

Oh, kitty, those are gorgeous! They're a bit big though aren't they? Where would you put them, and would you get masses hung together like in the picture?

I love them but would worry they'd look tatty rather fast, the way paper can?

glitterkitty, I have just ordered similar large snowflakes from M&S.

Also have ordered a new Winter candle from White Company, agree it is the best Christmassy one around...

Okay, inspired by this thread, I have had a very productive morning. I have started my Christmas present spreadsheet and used my Gap 30% off voucher to tick two Christmas presents off my list, plus have emailed my sister regarding waht practical yet desirable items I can buy for her children. I bought my first Chrtistmas candles (cinnamon and cloves from M&S) and am already disappointed with the quality of the smell - knew I should have gone straight for the White Company!

I was tempted by the Christmas-themed kitchen roll in Marks but unfortunately was shopping with my friend who spotted it first and said "Can you believe anyone actually buys that!"

I like the idea of the grey felt doves tulpe - sounds very Scandanavian.

barristermum - I make my own puddings and never put them on anything other than the bottom of the saucepan :) Don't worry. Am sure it is fine.

staranise - yes definitely a scandi feel to those doves.

Re: gorgeous smelling candles - I am a total candle snob and cannot abide many scented candles, even the v expensive ones (DH treats me to an Ormonde Jayne candle each year). To my great surprise, I have found that Homebase do a fab range which actually smell as they ought to rather than of naff air freshener type aromas.

Can I ask, did you use a template and/or pattern for the doves? Did you use ordinary felt? What did you use for eyes? Think I might have found a use for my vast collection of mother-of-pearl buttons...

I have a pattern to knit doves in organic cotton, very lovely, with wings in matrching vintage fabric of course - I made a mobile for my niece but not sure I have time before Christmas to knit up a more wintery version. No doubt DH will insist they are pigeons too.

I used a template which I downloaded from the internet. It was actually meant as a Power Point slide but all the proper templates were too fiddly (loads of wing details).

Template is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.google.co.uk/imgres?imgurl=www.free-power-point-templates.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/04/181_example.jpg&imgrefurl=www.free-power-point-templates.com/peace-dove-powerpoint-template/&h=240&w=300&sz=17&tbnid=Zqgzlyial3Hr1M:&tbnh=93&tbnw=116&prev=/images%3Fq%3Dpeace%2Bdove%2Btemplate&zoom=1&q=peace+dove+template&hl=en&usg=__WwW733wExUzTniEf5W-1eO0QIa0=&sa=X&ei=VuzaTP3gE8WwhAf85qHPAg&ved=0CB0Q9QEwAQ" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">here

I will try and get a photo uploaded to my account for you to have a look at but I have loads more sewing to do tonight as DSis (who owns a gallery) has asked me to make some for her to sell by tomorrow!

I used ordinary felt. It is a gorgeous deep, warm grey from John Lewis.

Regarding your buttons, Staranise, I have also made some stars which have a button in the centre.

Thank you! Good excuse for a trip to John Lewis. And I like the idea of stars. I have boxes of scraps of material & wool that I need to find some use for!

Should you wish to knit your own holly, ivy, and poinsettias (and let's face it, who doesn't?), I can recommend this book.

I think they would be nice knitted in pale organic cotton or gold and red lame and/or attached to cards or presents for ultimate gift wrap ponciness.

I think that sounds lovely BTW profiterole.