I received this txt from my dd on Friday - is she the most self-contained 11 year old around?

[growingdd]

I was in work, she was at home with her dad.

"I've started my p**d [her asterisks].yes I'm sure.No I haven't told Dad and I don't intend to.Yes I've put a pad on.No I don't feel scared or worried.Yes everything is under control, so there is no need to ask any questions!!Please carry on with your work and don't worry about me!!No I don't really want to talk about it when you get home, so just tell me which pads to use and you keep on buying them for me and everything will be fine!!OK!!"

I texted her back saying we would have a chat when I got home, she said "I'll pass on the chat thanks".

I haven't actually seen her for more then 5 minutes since she texted, as she has been out, I've been out etc.

She is just so grown up - I can't believe it!

We will be chatting about it, though...

(changed my name as she reads mn sometimes and would be mortified to see this here)

OK, well, every family works differently, and a bit of sarcasm doesn't bother me.

But each to their own.

Agree, this one leaves a bit of a bitter taste, tbh

Insensitive to the OP at best (she is posting about her child's 1st period remember!)

Downright rude at worst. Making judgements of an 11 yr old. Who has just started her 1st period!!!

growingdd I really hope you are reading IATE post's

And ignoring the rest of the crap on here.

Continue to feel proud

Hi Anna! >

No, seriously, I didn't think it was rude... honestly. I think it was written by an 11YO who really didn't want to draw any more attention to the whole thing...

Honestly, I wouldn't read anything more into that that.

I didn't mention it to my mother because I knew she would make a massive deal of it (same with my PG!). So, I think the mother here handled it perfectly well...

I wouldn't have any problem at all if I got a text like that off one of my DSDs....

Can I just clear something up - she was only "at her dad's" in as much as she was at home - our home, where we all live together.

Not that it makes any difference at all really.

What I think some of you are overlooking is that this is one thing, the first thing actually, that is well and truly the girl's personal, private business and no one else's. It is for her to decide how to handle it and growingdd has obviously instilled enough sense into her for her to be able to deal with it. She is actually under no obligation to mention it at all if she doesn't want to, it's not homework.

Anna, just out of interest, how old are your children?

You're doing a great job, don't listen to otherwise. Even the fact you're reacting with such dismay ("maybe I'm a bad parent") to these negative posts suggests that in fact you're a very attentive and caring mother.

Oops.. Sorry growingDD

As growingdd says, each family is different.

I have no issue at all with the mode of communication (sending of a text) or the content of the message. It is the form of the message that would be totally unacceptable here.

Luckily, I have been on mn long enough (7 years now ) to know that for every opinion there is an equal and opposite opinion.

Although it did take me by surprise rather that the txt could be read so differently than I had.

I'm amazed people are interpreting that much into the semantics of a hormonal 11yr old ! She does sound embarrassed and awkward but is proud enough to cope on a practical level at least. However I suspect she is avoiding a direct conversation about it, fair enough, but hopefully you will find an opportuntiy to give her a lead into one should she need to and reassure her.

I didn't read it as sarcastic (well, maybe the 'no need for a chat' bit but that's a bit funny). Seems to me that growingdd's DD is just trying to anticipate her mum's reactions to the news and is trying to assure her that all is fine. Certainly seems a lot more grown up that my DSs, 11 and 12. Enjoy your chat growing dd.

I thought the text was funny !! I took from that text that she new you would want to come home to her and was trying to make you realise she didnt need you too

this is why I dont text you can read so much into a text that was never there

And I cant believe the way this thread has gone I was expecting lots of oh god they grow up quick not rude child bad parenting!! Some people are to quick to jump down each others throats

I am going to say that my oldest is 8 and therefore I dont have the ablility to speak from experience of having an 11 yr old

BUT my 8 year old is extremely confindent and headstrong

BUT she would never be so rude and she would tell me about her periods face to face as its nothing to put sooo much importance and embaressment on

I'm sorry if you have felt like I have attacked you
I felt that maybe you needed help to see something you were missing

It is dripping with sarcasm, no doubt about that
BUT maybe its meant to be and she is joking with you

if thats the case then great but I dont think it means that she is self contained and independent

youcannotbeserious I think if you read again you will see that they are actually together! No I do not have step children, don't see what that has to do with anything.

If the OP is proud of the fact that she was told by text then good for her, it's nice that she is happy with her relationship with her child> I simply said that if it was me I would not be happy. I think that is my perogative?

I never ever let my DCs speak to me rudely or in a derogatory manner but this wasn't either!! People are going to have trouble with teenagers if they read such a lot into jokey texts! It is much better to keep it lighthearted and reply in kind.

Good Lord, she's 11!

Text speak (like email) fails to convey tone. I read it as reassuring her mum that she's ok and there's no need to make a fuss.

GrowingDD, you know your DD and we don't so you'll know more than we do how she meant it. You sound like a fab mum as DD knew what to do and, although she must be a bit uncertain and struck by this milestone, she's coping well. Good for you.

I think the fact that she told her mum by text is totally fine. It's 2008, after all, and it was a private way of opening up to her mum. Again, what's "face-to-face" got to do with it? Should this have been a topic reserved for discussion at the weekly family committee meeting?

If you post something on mn, I suppose you have to be prepared to hear opinions that are perhaps unwelcome.

And funnily enough, mn is often a victim of the "hard to gauge tone in writing" syndrome, just as my dd's text is for those who don't know her and our relationship.

Hahaha

"and item one on the agenda today is

dd1 has become a woman!!!!

Let's sing our 'becoming a woman song', altogether now 1,2,3...."

(dd1 drops dead from embarrassment)

This thread has got me thinking about what is yet to come! Those with teenagers would be more likely to know what they are like. I guess in society now text messages are the norm. I'm really going on the relationship I had with my mum. I don't even think my parents had mobile phones then!

She just sounds slightly excruciated to me, which is a fairly standard 11 year old response to something like this isn't it.

I remember being excruciated and my mum insisted we talk about it all and that she buy me a becoming woman gift, which I still remember was a small enamel pig brooch, which I couldn't wear because it was like, a badge of periodness and everyone would see and just know, even though it wasn't a pig bleeding or holding sanpro or anything. And I was about 24 when my periods started!

I hope you have out the banners up and told everyone to bring presents growingdd!

That thread on gifts and parties was ridiculous IMO!

I thought she was being very funny actually! And [trying to be] flippant.

And what's maturity got to do with anything? I am 27, married with a baby and according to my mother "born 35", but I still feel uncomfortable talking to my mum about certain things, not because I am immature but because I don't want to confide in her some things.

She has probably told her friends and dealing with it with them. Does she really need a talk?

And "please carry on with work and don't worry about me" says to me that she knows her mum will worry about her, not isn't worry about her as Trinity thinks?