I received this txt from my dd on Friday - is she the most self-contained 11 year old around?

[growingdd]

I was in work, she was at home with her dad.

"I've started my p**d [her asterisks].yes I'm sure.No I haven't told Dad and I don't intend to.Yes I've put a pad on.No I don't feel scared or worried.Yes everything is under control, so there is no need to ask any questions!!Please carry on with your work and don't worry about me!!No I don't really want to talk about it when you get home, so just tell me which pads to use and you keep on buying them for me and everything will be fine!!OK!!"

I texted her back saying we would have a chat when I got home, she said "I'll pass on the chat thanks".

I haven't actually seen her for more then 5 minutes since she texted, as she has been out, I've been out etc.

She is just so grown up - I can't believe it!

We will be chatting about it, though...

(changed my name as she reads mn sometimes and would be mortified to see this here)

Sounds like she's trying to put a brave face on it . Am slightly that she'd rather go off on a sleepover with that to deal, was it prearranegd or onthe spur of the moment. Seems rather too matter of fact somehow.

No, not punish her, but maybe be aware that she is maybe not as happy and self-contained as you at first thought.

Obvoiously you know your daughter and we don't, but from what you have written that is how it came across.

I think it's just the response of a young girl who wants to let her mum know but doesn't want 'the talk' to go with it. i hardly think that she would've thought,'I know, I'll send a text to mum that's full of sarcasm and belittling.' Give the kid a break for God Sake!!

I can relate to her as it's the way I reacted - just wanted to get on with it without my mother making it into a big deal (which mother's can do, can't they?)

She'll talk when she's ready. You could leave her some reading material in her room for her?? Much better for her to deal with it like this than be secretive or feel ashamed and try to hide it.

i am pretty sure my dd would make the same remark about passing on the chat, and she is not rude, she is lovely with a great sense of humour

NO, I do not think you should punish her for being ruse AT ALL

I rthink you should just take a little time to mabe think there was more to the way that text was writtin than self containedness and maturity
I think se still needs her mum to help her but doesn't want to ask
anyway that you can be home more

And before you tell me to take a look at my own kids and make sure thay are ok

and what makes you think YOUR kids are ok

I KNOW that my kids have some issues and I'm working on them aswell as working on my own depression

Blimey, am a bit at some of the reactions on here!

I think this is the risk with texts - you can read all sorts into something when it's not the spoken word.

I read it as a very confident, assured girl who knows her mum will worry/react in a certain way letting her mum know what's going on but saying she's not ready to talk about it.

I don't think from what any of us have read we can assume it's "dripping with sarcasm" or "flippant", nor should we surmise that the poor girl is "immature". I think it's patronising in the extreme to think we know and can interpret a text message from the OP's daughter more accurately than the OP can.

growingdd - I think all we can assume is that you have a good, relaxed relationship with your DD and that she probably pokes a bit of fun at you for worrying so much, which is unnecessary because you've furnished her with the knowledge she needs to cope with starting her periods.

I'm just saying that the text saounds like that

she coould have said

I have started my periods, I'm fine with it, no need to worry, just keep buying more pads, thanks x

instead she ticks off a list of all the things that her mum could do to help her and says she doesn;t want each one
and then ends it with you just keepbuying them OK!!

Trinity I wouldn't dream of telling you to take a look at your kids, I don't know you or your kids, and my "default" opinion of people on mumsnet is that they are good mums - I have no reason to think otherwise of you. If that's what came across from any of my posts, I'm sorry, I didn't mean any of it that way. I was just taken aback at someone interpreting what dd said so differently from me.

I'm sure you are right that she wanted me to know, and I will make sure that I am here for her without forcing myself on her and embarrassing her further.

but she didnt trinity.
i dont see any problems. she obviously found it easier to text than to talk on the phone.

I don't think that she was being rude, she just knew you well!
There was a thread on here last year with people who wanted to have family parties, buy presents etc to mark their DD starting periods-I thought the whole idea was horrendous! I am with your DD here, it is a private matter, she is handling it the way she wants to but has let you know. Parents can't remain involved in every aspects of their DCs lives, some 11yr olds want privacy. I think it sounds as if you have a good relationship, I would say that it is a jokey text from someone who is gently teasing you!

Why shouldn't she go on a sleepover? Why does the world have to stop?? Probably better that she does...she may want to discuss it with her friend?

Sorry Trinity, I think your reaction to the OP's post was totally OTT.

Why do you think the OP posted in the first place? I think she's probably proud of her daughter for being prepared and cool with this. And so she should be.

I don't think every mother-daughter relationship is the same and I don't think we've got any right to tell the OP we know better than her. Which is what you were doing, effectively.

I agree with IAteRCforB-Fast - well said! Think OP was trying to say how proud she is of her daughter and if she was mine, I woud be too.

Well, I was older that 11, but I didn't even tell my mum. I certainly wouldn't have texted her to tell her, so at least she talks to you

I didn't tell my mum I was PG until I was 25weeks gone and then I had DH phone her to tell her...

It sounds like a nice text to me, she knows what you are going to say and is just pre-empting it.

Oh, and as I now feel I have to justify our family arrangements, I was home after she'd gone to bed because she went to bed v early that night, as she'd had a sleepover the night before and didn't sleep much.

Then I left early yesterday morning as I was singing at a friend's wedding, which I didn't think I should cancel just because my daughter started her periods...

Her sleepover last night was prearranged, and she was happy to go on it, so why stop her "all fun must stop when you have your period"?

Rosemary, that's exactly how I read it. Mums generally make a fuss about this sort of thing and she knows that so she's fending off growingdd's inevitable flap by telling her she's got it under control. I'm sure the opportunity for a chat will present itself at some point but I just read it as dd presenting growingdd with the facts and telling her not to worry.

well I agree with Trinity, the txt was blunt and sounded like she was crying out for attention from her mum. She's desperately trying to sound grown u and matter of fact which has come across as flippant and sarcastic.......

words fail me that people seem to think she's mature and 'self-contained'

you cannot convey emotion on a text

How weird. Sounds like a very strange text to send.

Even though you have changed your name, aren't you worried she might read that text and realise it's what she sent you word for word! ?

aww she is embarrassed. my sister didnt tell anyone heer period had started for ages. she just kept stealing my pads. we noticed as i hardly used them so i just kept buying them for her and waited untill she was more comfortable with it to tell us.

I read the text as funny, her pre-empting all the things you would say/try to do

just shows what you can and can't read into a text

I think some of the posts on here are quite nasty, actually

You are talking about someone's 11yr old child, FGS. Who has sent her Mum a TEXT!

GrowingDD - you do not have to justify your family arrangements; some posters are totally overreacting IMO.And, as I said before, the world does not have to come to a standstill because of this.

Great post IATEROSEMARY

growingdd - dd is obvioulsy a very confident, self assurssed young lady. Which is a result of your parenting so you should be proud IMO.

Who wants to have this converstaion with their mum? I certintly didn't. She dealt with it in a way that was the most easiest for her to handle with least embarrasment.

And we have to remember that for the younger generation, texting is a way of life.

Some people are being way too jugemental god knows why they are condemming you

I think you should be proud of your dd and the way you have raised her

Sorry, can someone please explain to me why starting periods needs the whole 'mother / daughter' bonding and the 'you're a woman now' chat.

For one, at 11, she's not a woman, she's a kid, going on a sleepover who confided in her mum. I can't see how anything she wrote was anything other than understanding her mum's concerns and addressing them.

When my periods started (same when I got PG) I did NOT want the whole 'womanly' thing. It's not wrong not to want that....