I received this txt from my dd on Friday - is she the most self-contained 11 year old around?

[growingdd]

I was in work, she was at home with her dad.

"I've started my p**d [her asterisks].yes I'm sure.No I haven't told Dad and I don't intend to.Yes I've put a pad on.No I don't feel scared or worried.Yes everything is under control, so there is no need to ask any questions!!Please carry on with your work and don't worry about me!!No I don't really want to talk about it when you get home, so just tell me which pads to use and you keep on buying them for me and everything will be fine!!OK!!"

I texted her back saying we would have a chat when I got home, she said "I'll pass on the chat thanks".

I haven't actually seen her for more then 5 minutes since she texted, as she has been out, I've been out etc.

She is just so grown up - I can't believe it!

We will be chatting about it, though...

(changed my name as she reads mn sometimes and would be mortified to see this here)

are the detractors really so snooty in rl?
and do they have 11 year old dds

just wondered

We would go ballistic in this household if our children spoke to us like that at any age.

amazing anna, ballistic???

I thought it was clever, pre-empting all my questions. Perhaps I'm blinded by my bad parenting and can't see what a scared, abandoned child she really is...

Thanks to all who have been supportive, though.

God lots of people reading strange things into this.

I think she just sounds embarrassed as many are aged 11. I hated discussing things like periods with my Mum. I started when I was at weekly boarding school and had to phone home to tell them. I had to tell my dad (mum was out) - and didn't want anyone else to hear - my dad was being really dense 'started what?' and I was mortified.

I would have loved the text option

Also, I'd just like to say... I get the feeling this little girl's parents are not together and she didn't want to talk to her dad (understandable).

So, she asks her mum to carry on (AKA don't phone / don't make a fuss / don't talk to dad)

the kid is 11.. Give her a break!!

And all kids are different. my DSD1 coped brilliantly with periods, she is totally self assured (is 13 going on 21!!) my DSD2 won't cope at all well when it happens, she's just not as together as DSD1...

OK anna, so I will "go ballastic" with her when she gets home. I'm sure that will enhance our relationship (which is apparently hanging by a thread)...

and dont forget to come back here and tell us

Yes Anna, but that's your house.

I'm stunned by this thread, I really am.

Me & dd's dad are together, she just didn't want to tell him. He would have dealt with it if she had, of course he would, but when I told him, he was glad he hadn't had to - they would have both been embarrassed...

I don't think she sounds mature at all, if she was mature she would have told you face to face. Personally if I was told something so important by my daughter by text I would be looking very closely at our relationship and trying to make her feel more able to approach me about things.

For what its worth I was mortifyingly embarassed when I started mine but I still told my mum as I felt she should know. Of course she went over the top and treated me much younger than I wanted (I wanted to deal with it myself) but I did appreciate the love and attention.
I was the same age as your dd.

"ballastic" - WTF??

Maybe people want meek, unconifdent children who are too scared to step out from behind mummy's apron.

I, on the other hand, would be proud to have raised my dd to be as confident and self contained as your's growingdd

Do nothing of the sort I think she sounds fab and you know your relationship better than anyone on here so don't take any notice of the detractors. I'm sure you're quite capable of spotting any flaws in your relationship without MN to point them out.

Ballistic?

Yes, at the sarcasm and giving of orders.

We don't talk to one another like that here, ever.

I think she would have told me face to face if I'd been there, but as we have already established, I am a neglectful mother who tries her best to be away from her children as much as possible, so the only option she had was a txt...

(why am I letting myself be drawn into this?)

And our children are very far from meek or lacking in confidence. They are polite, however.

I think some of the responses on here are just weird, reading (projecting?) a LOT that doesn't seem to be there!

Yes, she might be immature -- she is 11 fgs. Yes, she might be a little embarrassed. Totally natural. But she has told her mum and seems to know the basics and probably just wants to be basically told, without fuss, "Look, the tampons/towels are in this cupboard and just ask me if you're unsure about anything." What's wrong with that?

I definatly think that there are some people on this threada who are very 'out of touch' with teenagers and are going to be for one hell of a shock in a few years!

Anna - Am shocked that you would go mad about that?

IMHO, I think it's great that she handled it so well.

I mean, to anyone who thinks this little kid is out of order: She's at her dads (who she may or maynot be close to but didn't feel OK to talk to him about this - TOTALLY understandable. Having two DSDs myself, I can totally understand that they wouldn't want to talk to thier dad about it...)

She wants to tell her mum but she doesn't want to draw attention to the whole situation, so she texts and says 'don't worry' and they'll talk when she gets home...

She's obviously Ok with the whole thing so her mum complies with her wishes and doesn't bring the world to an utter standstill to embarrass her daughter.

FWIW, GrowingDD, I think you handled it perfectly well. I only wish my mother had done the same!

What's with all this "mature" crap anyway?

She's only 11 FGS, and she actually told her mum, which is way more than a frightening number of kids do.

I love how Mumsnet can, in the space of an hour, take someone who (rightly) feels quite proud of having a good, open relationship with their child, and go all out to make them feel like they're doing a bad job, they don't understand their own child as well as a bunch of strangers on the internet do, and their abilities as a parent are pathetic in comparison to all the fucking experts on here.

Normally I can let all this judgy crap wash over me but this thread is disgusting.

FWIW I was 12 when my periods started and I would have been mortified if my mum had sat me down for some big woman-to-woman conversation. I muttered it on the way home from school and would have done it by text if the option had been available in 1989! This has NO bearing on my relationship with my mum.

I'm shocked that you aren't shocked by the rudeness .

I know that in some families it is usual to communicate using sarcasm and orders. We really don't allow it in this family.

That was an absolutely lovely text. I didn't read it as sarcastic one bit, just she was (understandably) trying to avoid what she might view an embarrassing discussion. (Look: she even used asterisks, which suggests slight embarrassment.) Also you know your daughter, and you'd know if she were rude. I'm shocked that people on here are reading it other ways. I think that's projection. In fact it's a sweet and funny text. It's so lovely she said "dont worry about me!" You're right she sounds very composed and mature.

Lomond - Do you have step children????

The daughter was at her dads. She didn't want to draw attention to the whole thing while at her dads.

She did, IMHO, the best she could do.

I am amazed at some of the comments-I am sure that you will handle it brilliantly,growingdd!
It sounded to me as if you have already had the discussions to prepare her. Why would you 'go ballistic' at a jokey text? I don't think she was being rude. I think a lot of 11 yr olds want space and privacy-they don't want a bonding session with their mother!
I have a very good relationship with mine and have always been able to discuss things but I wanted her to be matter of fact at 11yrs not to make a big thing of it or mark it in any way.
I think people's ideas of being heavily involved and buying presents was dire!